Genre: Humour, Crack
Pairing/characters used: Rukia, Ichigo, Renji, Byakuya (no pairs)
Notes: Based on one of the Best. Omake. Ever.
Warning(s): Spoilers for Bleach anime episode 113 Shinigami Golden
Word Count: 414
Summary: Where did Renji get the idea to approach Byakuya about hair care?
I don't own Bleach, I'm just borrowing it for a while.
Dedication: For everyone who laughed as hard as I did watching that omake.
Ichigo shrugged. "He was fussin' with his hair 'cause it kept fallin' down when we were sparring. He said the line was too long at his usual place, so I told him he should ask Byakuya where he gets his done."
Rukia's eyes went so wide he was afraid they just might roll out of her head. "You idiot!" She spun and set off toward the 6th Division offices at a dead run.
"Hey, what's the big deal?" Ichigo ran to catch up to her as they rounded a corner.
"Nii-sama… his hair…" Rukia huffed, slamming open the door to the 6th Division headquarters. They sprinted through the corridors toward Byakuya's private office. "He's very sensitive about his hair."
Ichigo snorted. "That's what this is about? Calm down, he wouldn't get that worked up over hair."
They both felt the swell of reiatsu that signalled Senbonzakura's release.
"Oh no!" Rukia moaned.
Ichigo paled. "Oh shit!"
They threw themselves at Byakuya's door.
"Nii-sama, wait, please don't kill him!" Rukia flung herself to her knees and stretched her hands up in entreaty.
"Byakuya, it's my fault, I told him to—" Ichigo's jaw dropped as his brain processed the impossible scene before him.
Abarai Renji was seated in a chair in the middle of the room, unfolded bandana spread around his neck and shoulders, long hair flowing down his back and arms. Kuchiki Byakuya stood behind the chair, the hilt of his zanpakutou raised in one gloved fist. Cherry blossoms fluttered to the floor, coming to rest beside a scattering of neatly trimmed crimson hairs.
"Nii… sama…?" Rukia croaked weakly, staggering to her feet.
"You were raised better than this, Rukia. I know you know how to knock." The noble captain's tone was chilly and disapproving.
"Uh, yeah. We're sorry, we thought—" Ichigo stammered. "Never mind. Our most sincere apologies, Kuchiki-taichou, Abarai-fukutaichou."
Byakuya nodded calmly, accepting the apology, but Renji refused to meet their eyes, staring straight ahead at a spot on the wall.
Ichigo and Rukia bowed their way out of the room and walked slowly out of the 6th Division headquarters.
"We didn't see that," Rukia stated flatly.
"Saw nothin'," Ichigo agreed, nodding.
"We're never going to mention this again, especially in front of Nii-sama. Ever."
"Ever," he echoed dumbly. They continued in stunned silence, reaching the courtyard before Ichigo was finally able to speak again.
"And we're never gonna let Renji forget it," Ichigo chortled.
Rukia's eyes danced mischievously. "Ever."