A woman, clad in a bright white lab coat, sighed as she took a seat in a chair near a window. In her hands, was clutched a black leather bound book. She opened the pages, flipping through them, noting the sloppy handwriting inside. She had to figure out what happened. How did this boy, she had been watching so long, finally lose the battle he had been fighting? A battle for himself. Why did he just give up?
She knew the answers were held in the pages of this book.
All she had to do, was read…
September 5th, 2011
There is a reason I'm writing to you…a reason that…I'm sure many of you already know. I don't remember how many years it's been since it happened, but whenever it did happen, I know that I was possessed by a demon spirit, and his name was Phantom.
Phantom overshadowed me, looking for a place to hide, but in the end, got stuck, leaving both of us trapped in one body. Now...I'm forced to deal with him everyday of my life.
All the doctors say that I did bad things. That I killed people. I remember none of it. I can see Phantom flying towards me, and then darkness.
I've been told it's been five years.
I don't believe them.
So here I am, left in a world that no longer has a place for me. This one doctor taught me how to keep Phantom at bay. They won't kill me, as long as I can keep control. Until then, I'm a prisoner in this facility. The doctor who taught me to control Phantom, also said that I should write in this journal, to help manage my stress.
I can feel him, even now, gnawing at the back of my mind. I have to keep my thoughts calm, and keep telling him no.
"Let me out." He begs. "Please master."
I know he calls me master. His voice is whiny and weak, like a child's. I know that's only a disguise to trick me. He's truly an evil entity bent on using me to kill and destroy.
I don't want to hurt people.
Every day draws long here. I have a small apartment to myself, with a bed, and a bathroom, and a small library. The Doctor brings me books to read. They're about hope and winning. She tries to make me feel better, but I still feel empty inside.
Someday, she wants me and Phantom to coexist peacefully. She believes that the good of my heart will overthrow the evil in Phantom's.
I only hope that it's not the other way around.
I don't know if I really want to be one with this demon, who stole years of my life from me. This entity whose sole purpose is to kill.
Do I really want that?
September 6th , 2011
I don't enjoy writing in this book, but I suppose I have nothing else to. Today was just another monotonous stretch of time. Phantom was resting today. They did some tests yesterday. He always gets tired after them. I feel fine. I guess that it's just because the tests are on him. Makes me feel better,
Today, I was allowed to sit in a room that had a window. I love looking out that window. Out there are cars, and people, and trees and animals.
And the wind.
The true feeling of wind.
Wind is something that you don't miss until it's gone. Eventually, after not feeling the light breeze of the world, everything starts to feel dirty. I feel dirty, but in more ways than one.
I smiled when this little bird flew up on the wind and landed before me. I wanted to open the window, and touch it, but it was cemented in place.
It made me feel sad.
Will I ever get to feel the wind again?
September 7th, 2011
I had a dream last night. I always like my dreams when Phantom's dormant. They are always happy. In this one, I was a bird, and I could fly away from here. I always wanted to be a bird. Birds can fly. I want to fly. Phantom says that he can help me. He says it in his whiny voice.
"Master listen to me…" He begs. "I can help you to soar. I am a ghost after all. Just let me out, master. Please?"
I ignore him. I don't want to fly because of him. I want to have wings. Just like a bird. I want to fly by myself. I can't do anything by myself anymore. He's always there, begging me to let him out. He begs and begs, until I can't stand it, but I refuse. I wish he'd go away, so I can be myself again.
I want to be myself.
November 1st, 2011
I woke up today.
The Doctor said that I got sick, and Phantom tried to take over. I was weaker then, so to keep Phantom at bay, they put me into a temporary coma. But I know that I didn't get sick…I know I let Phantom out…I didn't mean to, but…he got out all the same.
It was nighttime, and the tests hadn't been run in a long time…so Phantom was at his strongest, leaving me trying desperately to ignore his pleas. I was trying so hard to sleep, but he was so persistant...
I was so tired.
So...I let him out...
I know I did a bad thing, but...for once I felt free...
I kind of enjoyed the feeling.
But here I am once again, trapped.
I'm looking at the shadows that play across the room. I notice in mine, that I'm taller than I used to be. I havn't measured myself in a while.
But I also notice another shadow...
This one is not mine...
It smiles at me, and waves, before retreating once more. Then I can hear Phantom's pleas start up again.
I want it to stop. I want it to stop so bad...
I'd do anything...