Spy Guy: An all too short chapter for a too long of a wait. i know this took a while, but here it is. I had so much trouble with it, so, if it comes out odd, you know why...
But...I have big things in store for the next chappy.
The first entry is called Tomodachi...if any one knows what that means, think about it. :D
Disclaimer: I really think disclaimers are pointless, but...I don't own Danny Phantom.
January 4th, 2012
I'm going to keep my resolution, even if it kills me. I'm going to…no matter what. I don't have a choice. I can succumb to this monster, or I can take back my life. I can find something better than hitotsu no kimochi, and I can be better.
Tonight Phantom helped to make that decision for me.
I keep telling myself that he's a monster; and he is, but…he's a kid too.
The dream started with me sitting in a chair in the middle of a dull looking room. On one wall was a tv. Behind the screen was my family, going about their business as if nothing had happened. I wanted so much to be with them.
I don't know why, but the glass suddenly…wasn't there. I immediately ran to them, calling out…
And then they were gone as well.
All that remained was Phantom, sitting alone on the white floor.
I stopped in my tracks as his hair fell over his dull eyes. What I could see of his face was dark, bruised, and misshapen. The walls were clean though, and in his small hand was a red rose. I walked closer, and softly spoke his name.
He startled, jumping to his feet, and facing me with eyes of fear.
After a few moments he turned away, playing absentmindedly with the petals of the rose.
"This is your room, isn't it?" I asked, kneeling, bringing myself down to his height.
"Yes…" Phantom replied. I could see that his eyes were filled with tears, their pink surfaces looking out at me helplessly. "This is what it looked like at first…before…"
He said no more. I was taken by surprise when he flung the rose at my face and took off. The room was endless. It seemed to stretch and pull the farther away he got. As he ran, the little boy seemed to fall away in shreds. While I was chasing him, I caught the pieces in my hands, holding on tight. Left behind was the demon I had been so used to seeing. His ears were pointed, skin pale, eyes red.
It was the Phantom I knew and despised.
He stopped running, glaring at me accusingly, his fangs hanging over his red lips.
"I don't understand you." He finally snarled after a heated standoff. "One moment you hate someone…the next, you've forgotten."
"It's called forgiveness." I replied calmly. "It's something humans do."
"He never forgave me." The demon hissed. I didn't have to ask who he was. I knew it was that shadow.
"Well, some people pretend to be demons." I growled, my hackles rising. I could almost feel that shadow creeping up behind me. That man who was solely responsible for my pain. Phantom vanished before my eyes, and I found myself holding him in my arms. He was the little boy again: scared. I looked down at him, stared into his tear filled eyes and said,
"And some pretend to be human."
The first blow came to the back of my head, knocking me over. Phantom rolled from my arms, crawling quickly away. I groaned slightly before turning to face my attacker. The shadow stumbled drunkenly, growling deeply.
"Dumb…little…" He slurred. I didn't even have time to move as his black shoe rammed hard into my ribs. Phantom was watching me, his eyes wide. He was afraid of this man. Very afraid of him.
"Help!" I screamed, unable to defend myself from that maniac. He was kicking the daylights out of me, hitting my head a few times, slamming his shoes into my gut.
But then… something happened.
Phantom snarled, flying at the shadow. He hit the man head on, knocking him to the ground, saving me from my torture.
But then I saw a flash of red…
The doctor woke me up then, and I guess I was in hysterics because she inserted the sharp tip of a syringe into my arm, saying it would calm me. I was crying, but, I'm not really sure why. Something made me want to cry, so I did. I had seen so much more than the man's blood in that kill. I had seen…I don't know how to describe it. It was like I had seen everyone's. It was a strange feeling, and one that I can't put to words really well, but…I was crying.
Phantom was laughing, reveling in his fresh kill, coating his face and hands with his sick paint.
I could see myself doing the same thing.
The doctor sat by my bedside for hours, trying to get me to calm down. I think that I pretty much told her everything about my life in those hazy moments. I told her about my mother, and father, about Sam, and what I suspected I did to all of them. I was babbling incoherently at times, my words making little sense. But the doctor never left me. She listened to everything I had to say, and helped me to settle down. She handed me my sister's stuffed bear, and told me to hold onto it. She said that people can plant a part of themselves in things that they care about, like my dad's fishing hook, and my mom's bracelet, and even the bear. She said that as long as I cherished those things, my family would always be with me.
"But Jazz was off at college." I said, repeating what I had told her before. "She wasn't home."
The doctor didn't say anything after that.
Now that she's gone, I'm sitting in bed, writing this all out. Phantom is in my mind, calling me Master again, praising me for "aiding me in his killing". I'm really nervous right now. I don't know what this means for me. Is the thing really dead? Or will it come back? What will happen now that Phantom doesn't have anything to be afraid of?
The more I write, the more nervous I become. I really don't know what's going to happen to me…
I don't know what's going to happen to us…
January, 5th, 2011
The doctor came in today, carrying a pile of new clothes for me to wear. I knew she was planning to, but I didn't think they would look so nice. They were tight fitting t-shirts, and strange looking baggy jeans with odd patterns on them. She also bought me a pair of brown skate shoes, and a whole mess of socks. I hadn't worn shoes in ages, and was puzzled by this. I had no need for them as I padded around the labs in my bare feet.
I noticed early on that she seemed to be happy, yet nervous at the same time. She wasn't wearing her usual white coat. Just a simple blue sweater and jeans.
"Wash up." She told me. "You're face looks dirty."
I had no idea what she was doing. I stared at her for a few moments, oblivious to the thing she had planned for me. Finally, I obeyed her words, slinking over to the small bathroom, trying to get used to the 'thunking' sound shoes made.
"What's going on, Master?" Phantom asked me. I could feel his presence shift inside of me. Phantom was nervous.
"We're not going to the end of the hall." I replied firmly, bringing my own fears out into the open. I wasn't sure if Phantom was thinking of the same thing, but I didn't care. I kept telling myself that the doctor wouldn't be dressing me up to be killed. They didn't dress Vlad up…
Or did they?
A sharp pain shot through me as Phantom scraped experimentally at my insides. He hadn't done that in months. I had hoped he had stopped…
But, of, course he hadn't.
"Alright, Master." He said, settling down again.
My new clothes felt strange to me. The shirt clung to my body, showing off how skinny I had truly become. It made me sad.
"We're doing something very new today." The doctor told me. "Danny, this could be very productive, or very dangerous. You have to concentrate. And please Phantom…be good."
I had never heard her speak to Phantom directly, but the feeling of pure elation that coursed through me could only be his own.
"What are we doing?" I asked, trailing behind her as she led me into the hall.
"You look like you could use a hair-cut, Danny." She replied, smiling warmly. "We're going to my barber's."
I stopped dead in my tracks.
"Outside?" I asked.
The doctor nodded.
And everything seemed to stand still.
I remembered back when I would sit in the window here, watching the outside world, feeling the oppressive stale air on my skin.
I was going to feel fresh air.
Excitement washed through me, and I pranced after the doctor, asking her question after question. She patiently replied, answering them all the best she could.
The fresh air hit me like a wave, and I had to pause a moment.
I couldn't believe what I was doing. I was going outside. The doctor took my hand, and pulled me through the thick doors of the facility. I stared up at the blue sky, feeling the wind ruffle my hair.
"We're outside." I whispered.
"Come on Danny." She said. "We have to get in a car. You haven't been in a car for a long time, have you?"
I shook my head, following her into a guarded parking lot. The doctor led me to an old blue SUV, and opened one of the side doors.
"Get in." She smiled, helping me up. Soon I was nestled in one of the soft seats, fumbling to fasten my seat belt.
The woman chuckled softly, and helped me to click it into place.
My face was literally plastered to the SUV's window as we drove through the streets. I watched with wide eyes as people walked along the sidewalks, chatting inaudibly. I found my attention locked on their faces,
But the longer I stared at them, the more I realized it wasn't them I was looking at. I was concentrating on he distance between them and the car. I was wondering how easily I could break the window. I was thinking about jumping from the car, and strangling someone to death…
Realization dawned on me…
Phantom was plotting.
I buried my face in my hands, looking away. Phantom protested, gouging his claws into my insides. I yelped in pain, holding a hand around my middle. I saw the doctor look at me in great concern, but ignored her attempts to get through to me.
"Master…this is our chance at freedom…embrace it." Phantom hissed.
"No…" I whimpered. It felt like my breath was forced from my lungs as Phantom pushed against my being. I gasped for air, my eyes widening in fear. Reality began slipping around me.
"How about we listen to some music?" The doctor asked nervously, hitting the button on the stereo. A soft melody came from it, filling the car. Phantom murmured something quietly, before retreating back into his place.
I remained silent, my eyes focused on the ground.
"It's okay, Danny." The doctor said, pulling into a parking lot. "You can't blame him for trying."
"What if he tries again?" I asked. "What if he succeeds?"
"Then I'll take you to the door." She said coldly. I could feel Phantom shiver inside of me, a whimper escaping his lips.
I simply nodded, allowing the woman to unbuckle my seatbelt. She got out of the SUV, and walked around to the other side, opening my door, and helping me out.
"Everything's going to be fine, Danny." She smiled weakly. "We'll get your hair cut, and then go home. How about that?"
I nodded, allowing her to lead me inside the decrepit brick building.
An elderly man stood behind the counter, reading a teen magazine while stirring a cup of coffee. His blurry eyes looked up when the doorbell rang and we walked inside. I could almost see his muscles tense as he looked at me.
"Another one?" The man asked, setting the magazine aside. He situated a small pair of glasses on his nose, peering through them warily.
"His name's Danny." The doctor said. "So is the other, but we call him Phantom."
"Well…" The man sighed, walking from behind the counter. "Danny…Phantom. Come on. Let's go."
The doctor pushed me forward, and I cautiously followed the barber into his work area. I sat in a huge leather chair with a tall backing, allowing a heavy blanket to be wrapped around my neck. The man quickly got to work, spraying my greasy mop with water, before combing it and cutting at the frayed strands with a large pair of scissors. Phantom kept growling low in his throat, as if daring the man to even try to cut at my flesh.
But nothing really happened. When the man was done, he took out a mirror, and showed me what the back looked like, and then I stared at the front.
My hair looked just as it had years ago. Slightly messy, but not too much. I pulled at the damp strands, noticing how they fell just so.
"Thank you." I whispered.
"Do you like it, Danny?" the doctor asked.
"Yes." I replied, smiling.
"Can I say something, Master?"
"Ummm…" I murmured, gauging Phantom's mood. He seemed humbled, if not slightly timid."
"Phantom wants to say something." I whispered. I allowed the demon to seize my vocal chords and push them aside. He then spoke in the voice of a small child…the child he used to be.
"I like it." He said, his words oozing from between my lips. And that was all he had to say. He retreated back into his world, humming softly to himself.
The barber shivered slightly as he accepted a handful of money from the doctor.
"That's a nice thing to say, Phantom." The woman said, smiling.
The demon purred in pleasure.
Now I'm back in my room. I pulled out the laptop again, and watched some old movies, while checking some of my old internet haunts. It hurt when I went to forums where I used to go all the time. Logging in, I found I had threats, jibes and insults thrown at me. I decided to stop then.
It hurt too much.