Uncle Ianto and Aunty Jack

I just remembered about this story a bit ago. I was writing it for Faramirlover mainly and I forgot it even existed. Sorry if you were reading it and it got interrupted by me being stupid.

Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood. I own the plot of this fic but that's it.

"So ... what do we do with a screaming little baby?" Jack asked, folding his arms in indignation and glaring down at Bob.

"He's not screaming," Ianto corrected him, "He's laughing."

Bob, indeed, was giggling happily, trying to catch a little bit of Ianto's hair that had flopped out of place.

"What's he doing?" Jack pointed at Bob's chubby little fingers.

"Aaaaw, he's trying to play with my hair - OH NO A TINY STRAND OF MY HAIR IS OUT OF PLACE!" Ianto roared, throwing Bob in the air in shock. He flew, almost right to the ceiling, all the while laughing. Then he started to sink - and, as he wasn't the stupidest baby in the world, he figured out he'd be Baby Jam (made by the same company who produce Rat Jam) if he hit the floor. As a consequence, he started to shriek.

"No! Get the baby!" Ianto cried.

"No! Don't! We'll blame it on a freak storm! Or something!" Jack said gleefully.

Ianto reached out to grab Bob, but suddenly -


A blur whoooooshed past and caught Bob in its blurry arms. It blurred away.

"Wow! What was that mysterious blur?" Ianto scratched his head, making more hair stick up. He didn't care, if he noticed at all.

"I don't know - but whatever it was, it's got Bob and might possibly eat him!" Jack gave a little jump, "Whoohoo!"

"Don't be so mean!" Ianto sulked, "Gwen'd kill us if we got Bob killed."

"Well, it's her fault she left him here while she and Owen went off to ... what did they call it? Play 'squash'?" He snorted, "Yeah. Right. What a pathetic excuse for an excuse."

"Leave them alone, you won't understand until you have your own kids." Ianto decided to get down to looking for Bob.

"Captain Jack Harkness has no use for kids!" Jack said dramatically, striking a pose, then realising Ianto had his head buried in a cupboard, and was cooing Bob's name.

"Booooooooob," he cooed.

"That sounds reasonable, like you're searching for Bob, but I bet it looks strange written down."

"I don't care. Make yourself useful and go and look somewhere else."

Jack groaned and stood exactly where he was.

"Waaaaaaaaaaa!" a loud, but quietened down over a long distance, crying noise filled the room.

"Waaaaaaaaaaa!" Jack mocked.

"Sh! Did you hear that?" Ianto whispered.

"Well, obviously, or how could I have made fun of it?"

Ianto ignored the stupid man and set off in the direction of the sound. Jack, giving up, followed.

The cries were definitely from Bob, and they were growing louder as they neared the cells.

"Hang on - we're nearing the cells!" Ianto stopped, "Janet's in there!"

"Hmm ... could Janet have caught Bob? I'm not sure if Weevils can run at lightning speeds .. I'll have to look into that ..."

"Who cares?" Ianto yelled, "If Janet did catch Bob, what is she doing to him now?"

"Killing him in the worst possible way, perhaps ..." Jack said hopefully.

"Jack, that sounded hopeful! You awful person."

"If I'm such an awful person, then why did you agree to -"

"Not now, Sir, we need to go and find Bob..." Ianto rushed off.

Jack was about to follow him. He started running, suddenly froze in mid-air, and fell.

When was the last time Ianto had called him 'sir'?

Hang on - why was that weird? He always called him that. But he hadn't for ages...

'Shows how much attention I pay,' he thought to himself, setting off to find Ianto.

What has happened to Bob...? Will he be killed by Janet? Find out - well, when I get round to writing it!