It Must Be Hell

Must be hell living in the world
Living in the world like you
Must be hell living in the world
Suffering in the world like you


Summary: Sam's gone. Or is he? Has Dean gone crazy? Or has he discovered the truth? Will he ever find Sam- or is he just pursuing a grief induced fantasy?

Warnings: This is one story I can't tell you if it's a deathfic or not, because you don't want me to spoil everything, do you? So I'm warning for implied character death and possible violence, and minor language (if you can deal with the show, you can deal with me).


They found a shoe.

It's almost laughable- all they could find of his beanpole of a brother was a friggin' shoe. He marveled at the irony. His gangling brother had dissapeared from his life completely, both emotionally and physically.

Gordon had smirked when he announced that Sam was dead. He was congratulating himself on a successful hunt while Dean was struggling to grasp the reality of his situation- facing the rest of his life completely alone. He had barely blinked away the warmth of tears and succumbed to the fiery heat of anger when his bonds were released.

He couldn't remember exactly what had happened- but he flew into a blind rage. He was punching and kicking every inch of Gordon Walker that he could reach, screaming nonsense he couldn't even remember five seconds later.

Sam is dead. Sam is dead. Sam is dead.

This mantra repeated over and over in his head, occasionally paired with an "And it's all your fault". Because he had failed his father- he had been ordered to look after Sam, and now, so close that he had felt the heat of the explosion, he had lost Sam forever.

And it's all your fault.

So now it was over.

Dean had lugged his brother like a "piece of luggage over God's green earth" for months with multiple excuses, and had ultimately dragged him to his own death- only, there were no more excuses, nothing else to blame...

He had wanted to protect his brother forever. Always be with him.

Now all he had was Sam's old dusty shoe and Walker's blood on his hands.