Squall, Quistis, bad pickup lines and an odd conversation over the PA. Add a gossiping Selphie and suddenly the punch might not be the only topic of the night. And to think it all started with just asking to borrow his ring. Quall, One-Shot

Valentine's Day, probably the most useless holiday of the year. To a single person at least. It didn't even count as a day off, so there for it was unqualified in her books. Really. All there was to the day was people prancing around declaring their love for each other with chocolates. Not that she would fall for either. (Well, perhaps the chocolate; but that was beside the point.)

The point was, the most important reason she was so vehemently opposed to the holiday (other than the fact she was single) were the admirers. Yes, the admirers. Often known as the Trepis Fanatiticitis (closely related to the Fan-boyicus) though later renamed the Trepies, were single handily the most known people noted for their stupidity, persistence and over all bad pick up lines.

"Did it hurt?" The blonde looked up, evidently not amused to the teenager in front over.

She resisted to reply with something along the lines of 'it will when I'm through with you', and settled with asking the question she knew would prompt the answer. "What?"

Not that she didn't know the answer as she had heard the same pick up lines three times consecutively that night.

"When you fell from heaven, babe." The boy said, trying to pull a seductive grin although failing rather horribly.

After all, there was nothing like jumping on the bandwagon and missing. Horribly.

The instructor sighed, massaging her temple. "That's instructor to you. Now please find someone else to woo." Before she decided to take her anger out on his report card. Or him. Whichever he prompted her to do first.

"Alright then. What's a good looking girl like you doing in a place like this?"

The blonde gave him a flat look before turning on her heel, looking for someone in the crowd that wasn't thumbing through a book of World's Worst Pickup Lines. Scanning through the crowd, she finally settled on the headmaster who waved her over. Thanking whatever lucky star she had in her possession that perhaps not all men there weren't complete and total love struck morons, she joined the older man and his guest.

"Ah, Quistis let me introduce you to the Finance Minister of Deiling, Mr. Cramb." The headmaster gestured to the man beside him before taking a sip from his wine.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Cramb. Deiling is a wonderful city."

The man raised an eyebrow at her formality then smiled. "The pleasure is all mine, I assure you. May I ask you a question, though?"

"Of course, please do." She said, watching the Headmaster wander off into the crowd before the man took her hands in his.

"Did it hurt?"

Squall Leonheart would be having a wonderful evening if there weren't any people there. Unfortunately, there were, and thus he was having a horrible time. Tugging at his SeeD jacket, he sighed. There was nothing like being in crowd knowing you were the only available man there. (And that most likely all the women there had an eye on him.) Yes sir, ever since Rinoa had gone back to Timber he had been on the market. Nothing said 'I'm breaking up with you' like, 'I'm so sorry Squall, but I don't think this is working out. But I still want to be there for you'. Same thing, just a bit nicer. Sure, it had been a while since he had gone over that. A long while, actually. You know, the whole love of his life thing just came crashing down around him. Nothing like the fresh smell of you just got left behind breeze in the morning, alright.

The brunette sighed. At the very least he had someone to talk to about women to. Not that he would ever need it, after all Mr. Leonheart was steering away from women. Perhaps even the on the verge of deciding he would be asexual all his life, although his leather outfit was definitely screaming otherwise.

However, despite his anti social tendencies he was somehow a magnet to women. He didn't know how since 'talk to the wall' was never officially listed in the top ten ways to win a woman over. Either way, the forces of gravity hated him because he somehow always managed to run into women one way or another.


Case exhibit number one - Hyne hated him.

The brunette debated on trying to walk away with the chance that she might somehow, believe him to be out of hearing range. However, the escape route failed utterly when the cafeteria ladies rolled in snacks. Sighing to himself, he finally turned around to see the blonde in her all out 'I am not amused' stance. "…Yeah?"

Quistis stood there a minute, silently debating before sighing. "I need to borrow your ring."

He calmly stared at her. "…What?" After he had just got it back? Uh, no.

"Men have been after me all night." The blonde finally said, embarrassed. "I just need to make them think I'm committed already. I've tried looking for Irvine or Zell in the crowd but I can't find either of them."

Why didn't she just leave then? He asked himself, crossing his arms. The woman caught onto his look before pursing her lips. "I would leave but the Headmaster wants me to talk the mayor of Dollet. He hasn't said what time he will be arriving. I could be here all night." She sighed, crossing her arms as well. "Please, Squall. I'll give it back right afterwards. "

He watched her a moment before sighing, undoing his necklace and handing it over grudgingly. The blonde took it with a smile, slipping it onto her ring finger. "Thank you. I'll bring it back right after I finish speaking with the mayor." The commander nodded somewhat forced watching her walk out into the crowd.

The blonde weaved her way through the crowd trying to find more officials from Dollet, although the task was more difficult than it seemed considering the fact none of them were holding up signs. She was starting to wish they would colour coordinated their outfits to which city they represented. Valentine's Day ball or not, some sort of order should have been enforced.

Finally, she spotted what seemed like an official and tapped him on the shoulder. "Excuse me, are you representing-"

The man sighed, brushing his hair to the side. "Are you lost?"

"Excuse me?" She asked, furrowing an eyebrow.

"I asked if you were lost. 'Cause heaven's a long way from here."

The blonde stared at him for a moment before sighing. Was there something about her that screamed, 'If I won't date you all the other 364 days of the year, today I will?' Pursing her lips, she merely pointed the ring on her finger.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't see the ring!" The man babbled before straightening his tie, and sighing. "I'm sorry, what were you saying about the Dollet government?"

"I asked it you were representing it. If you are, do you know when the mayor is scheduled to arrive?" The instructor repeated dryly and slowly.

"I know he's taking a private train, so he should be here soon." The government official mumbled before excusing himself into the crowd.

She was positive she had just found her secret weapon. Smiling inwardly, the blonde turned to go back to the office to try and phone the Balamb train station to see if the mayor had arrived when she walked into someone.

Selphie managed to find herself on the newly polished floor, somewhat dazed. "Owwie! Watch- Oh, hi Quisty!"

The blonde smiled at the girl's behaviour before offering her a hand up. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you there. Are you alright?"

The perky brunette grinned from her spot on the ground. "I'm fine! Tada! See?" She flashed another smile before taking the other woman's hand. "How's it going-" The girl stopped in the mid of her sentence, catching sight at the blonde's hand. Making an odd squeaking noise, she abruptly let go of her hand, falling back to the ground. "That's Squall's ring!"

Squall, meanwhile was in the middle of an important conversation with an official from Esthar when a screeching exclamation rang through the entire ballroom.

"But it's on your ring finger! Oh my gosh, Quisty! You're engaged to Squall?!"

The man he was talking to smiled at him. "Congratulations on your engagement."

The brunette stared at the man a moment before debating which person in the crowd he would be able to take his confusion out on. "…Excuse me." He managed to get out through clenched teeth before heading in the direction of the voice.

He could sigh when he saw Selphie in a massive bear hug with the blonde. "Why did you didn't tell meee? You never tell me anything anymore! The last time you told me anything embarrassing was when you walked into the men's washroom in Esthar-" The girl stopped in mid sentence as she caught sight of the commander. "Squualll! Congratulations! Booyaka! Can we have the wedding here? Can we?!"

"There is no-"

"Date set, right?" The mayor of Dollet asked, slinging his arm around the commander.

"Mr. Doles, did you just arrive?" Quistis asked, trying to change the subject of rather embarrassing events in different cities. Or being supposedly engaged for that matter.

"Yes. The ball looks lovely, Commander. Congratulations by the way, she's a lovely woman. Now, Ms. Trepe, what were we supposed to discuss?" The mayor asked, leaving the commander stunned in the crowd.

Squall watched the retreating pair before turning to back to Selphie. "…We're not-" He was interrupted by a hearty slap to the back.

"Congratulations, man!" Zell said, grinning. "This is awesome!"


"Congratulations, Squall. Knew there was a reason you were all quiet about today!" The cowboy said, waltzing in next to Selphie. "So how'd you propose?"

"I didn't-"

"I bet it was romantic!" Selphie sighed, giddily. "Oh, oh! Can I plan the wedding? Please, please!"

"There isn't-"

"A wedding planner?" The girl finished off. "Woo-hoo! I call dips on it! Irvy, you're helping me right? Of course you are, tee-hee!" She took the cowboy's arm and twirled around with a grin. "We have to go the Headmaster! We'll have to book the quad early this year!"

"Don't…" The commander trailed off watching the two race off to see the Headmaster before finally putting his palm to his face.

He was sure this was what a disaster looked like before it actually happened.

"Congratulations to the Commander and Quistis Trepe on being engaged!"

The blonde could only try to hide when the students yelled their congratulations. It had been less than half an hour since Selphie had shouted it and already everyone knew. Not to mention the mayor who had completely forgot what he had come for and had started drilling her on details about her love life. Or lack thereof.

"Congrats!" Another pair of girls squeaked, popping their heads out of their dorm room door. The instructor suppressed an urge to find the nearest Trepie and berate them for forcing her to borrow the ring in the first place, and instead nodded with a forced smile. This was humiliating. Someone needed to get this cleared up and fast. With all the buzz around the school, there was only one place she knew she could stop the madness.

The office. Specifically, the PA system.

Not that it wasn't a flattering notion being engaged to him. It's not like anyone bought the whole sisterly love even though she had really tried to put her lying to skills to the test. Except for Squall, that was. The poor oblivious boy with a romantic capacity of perhaps two earth worms put together, and perhaps not even then had actually bought the lie. Ironically, being the only one it really concerned at the time, was the only one who actually fell for it.

Good thing he had looks because at times, the blonde wondered if he actually had brains. Not that it mattered because anyone that good looking in leather didn't need half a brain cell to get by in life. Or so Rinoa had claimed at the time.

But that was beside the point. The blonde sighed, tapping her foot as she waited for the elevator. They need to get a new one. Badly. This one took forever. Finally the door chimed open and she stepped in, taking her anger out on the office floor button. Really. With all that money, one would think the garden would have been able to afford faster (and possibly nicer looking) elevators.

Striding out of the elevator with a woman on a mission walk, she went for the office. Ignoring the baffled looks of both Nida and Xu, she sorely debated on whether or not to kick open the door open in frustration before actually going in.

Only to find another person in there. Conveniently.

Squall stared at her for a moment before sighing. "…We need to get this straightened out."

"I know." The blonde said dryly. "It's over the entire school already. We should just announce that's it been a misunderstanding." The commander nodded, turning on the PA as she walked over to get the whole rumour mill demolished. "Right after…" She paused a moment before looking down at her finger in which she was trying to get the ring off of. "It's stuck."

The brunette watched her a moment before the fact finally sunk in. "…What?"

"This is impossible." She said, unbelievingly. "It barely fit the first time."

"…You can't get it out?"

The instructor gave him a flat look before he gestured for her to sit down. "How is this going to help?" She asked, exasperatedly.

"It'll be easier at this angle." The commander mumbled, before trying to pull it off.

"Ow! Can't you be gentler?"

"…I'm trying."

"Hold on. Let's trying switching positions." She said with a sigh, moving from the chair. "Do you have water here? Butter? Anything?"

"Butter?" The brunette asked, confused.

"To help - ow!" Giving him an annoyed look, she grit her teeth. "This is a bit painful, in case you haven't noticed."

"What do you want me to do about it?" He muttered, looking around.

"I don't know. I've never been in this position before - Ow! Dear Hyne, Squall - if you don't get something for this now I will make sure you are never going to step foot anywhere near me for a year!"

And that was a threat why? He idly wondered before the realization that if she was going to keep her word, it was going to mean a lot more paper work for him. "…Fine."

He sighed before going through the desk drawers for soap, water, anything - even butter packets at this rate. Sighing, he finally got to the bottom drawer searching desperately through the contents. "…Lubricant?" He asked, confused.

"You have lubricant in your office?" The blonde asked, after a long pause.

"…It's not my office."


The brunette read through the bottle. "…For stubborn desk drawers."

"Good enough." She said exasperatedly as he put some on his hands.


She sighed lightly. "Much. Oh, I feel it-" The instructor stopped mid sentence when she spotted the green light on the PA. "…Don't tell me you turned the PA on."

Squall sighed looking at the PA before sighing. "…It's on."

"Do you think everyone just heard… us?"

The ballroom had been dead silent for the last few minutes, and Selphie had sat the whole time staring at her drink, red as a beet. She loved her two friends dearly… but not enough to want have heard that.


So, she more than positive she was speaking for everyone when she had finally exclaimed, "I'm never going in that office again!"

And after a short pause, she added, "EVER!"

"You know, I'm sure that didn't help our case at all." The blonde said dryly, looking at the ring.

"…Not really." He said, leaning back in the chair.

"It was worth it though." She said quietly. "I might not hear another bad pick up line again for a while."

"…Did it hurt?"

The instructor laughed. "Excuse me? Is Squall Leonheart hitting on me?"

"…I was going to ask about the ring… but whatever."

"Thank Hyne. Because if one person asks me if it hurt I'm going to…" She trailed off, thinking. "…Tell them I've sworn off men."


"Mm, no." She said with a smile. "I don't think I could do that. There's still someone I love."

There a was a long silence when she realized her mistake. "Seifer?" Squall asked, crossing his arm, slightly amused.

"Hyne, no!" The blonde nearly spat. "I'd wring his neck before I ever dated him!"


"No, he's like a brother."


"Horn dog." There was a pause. "And he has Selphie."



"Mm, no."

"…Whatever then."

She laughed at his response before sighing. "We should go back to the ballroom, and just tell them ourselves. I think the PA was a bad idea."

"Yeah." They walked to the elevator in silence, watching as the door shut. "So… who is it?"

"Oh Squall, you wouldn't care anyways."

He shrugged, watching the wall. "…Whatever."

The blonde sighed. "Alright. I fell in love with a wall."

"A wall." He repeated dryly.

"A wall." She confirmed. "A wall that doesn't talk much… or really explains how he feels."

The brunette sighed. "…Walls can't feel."

"That's what the wall thought too. But he learned, eventually." She leaned against the side of the elevator with a smile. "You told me to talk to a wall. And I did."

"….I didn't mean it." He said quietly.

"You did then." She sighed. "But I learned from it, and so did the wall." Silence filled the elevator before the elevator gave a ping. "…He doesn't say whatever as often as he used to."

The brunette blinked a moment before the realization suddenly set in. "Wh-"

"Happy Valentine's Day, Squall." With that, she looped her arms around his neck and gave him a small, impulsive kiss.

Selphie could only sit and stare at the doors pinged open. And then make a face. "Eww! Not in the elevator too! I mean, jeez, guys! First in the office and then in the elevator!"

The blonde pulled away from with a smile. "Sorry. Goodnight Squall, Selphie." Outside the elevator, she suddenly paused. "Wait - the office? What?"

The petite brunette shuddered, pushing a dumbstruck Squall out of the elevator. "Can't you wait until the honeymoon or something? Oh yeah! The wedding is scheduled for July 18th, okay?" Selphie shouted with a wink.

The pair looked at each other before looking back to the closing elevator.

"Selphie, no - wait!"

Miles away, Rinoa was feeling particularly accomplished.

Trying to convince an ex-boyfriend to move on with the least likely person was one thing. Squall was another and while some men needed a push in the right direction, Squall needed a shove.

Luckily for her, shrinking rings is pretty easy.


Yes, it was OOC and late for Valentine's Day. Send all your hate mail to Quallistic because she told me to post it.

I wanted to edit out the kiss because it was blantantly OOC in my opinion, but then I thought, whatever - it's Valentine's Day. I'd like to think Quistis had a few drinks before the story even took place, though. Happy late Valentine's Day to everyone as well!

PS: Althea17 brought up the issue of the ring not fitting Quistis which is totally true, so the little epilogue with Rinoa was born. Hope that clears things up a bit.