When the Doctor gets Bored.
The Doctor was bored.
Rose had insisted that they spend a day simply travelling through the vortex so that she could do a bit of cleaning and do her laundry.
So the Doctor was very bored.
She had tried to convince him to spend the day fixing things around the Tardis, but honestly, there was nothing that needed fixing. Admittedly what he fixed on the Tardis didn't usually need fixing anyway, but he had already re-wired everything he could think of last week! He didn't want to spend the day under the console, fiddling and burning himself. He wanted adventure. He was itching to get moving. Sitting still was driving him nuts…well…more nuts than he normally was, and even he could admit that that was something.
"Rose…I'm bored. So, so, so bored. Rose I'm bored. Rose…Rose?"
"YES Doctor, I know you're bored. Shut up about it. If you're bored then bloody well find something to do."
The doctor lowered his head; glaring and pouting like a truly scolded child.
He had been hanging in the doorway to her room for several minutes, just watching her buzzing around tidying. He had glared, and hmphed, and fidgeted, but she seemed to have this uncanny knack for ignoring him.
He wouldn't be so bored with a day off normally. It would have been nice, having a peaceful relaxing day with Rose. Sure, that day would have been spent plotting the next marvellous way in which to get them both into lots and lots of trouble, but…never mind.
For Rasillon's sake, all he wanted was a bit of attention. He didn't want the chance to sit on his own and think. Thinking on ones own lead to dwelling on ones past, and when ones past was anything like his, that was not necessarily a good thing to do.
So he pestered. He pestered and moaned because he didn't want to feel the guilt he experienced when he allowed himself to think about all the people he had failed, and lost, not to mention the Time War.
Rose was really good at this ignoring him thing. None of his other companions would ever dream of ignoring him, or snapping at him, or challenging him. Really…who wants to spend time cleaning when they could potentially be getting killed? He offered her the entirety of time and space yet she was keeping him cooped up in his own ship like a bad puppy.
Still with a glower and a petulantly protruding lower lip, the Doctor grumbled under his breath at the sheer idiocy of the situation.
"Stupid human need for cleanliness. Only think you do. Didn't complain in medieval times…not one of them. Stupid females. If I didn't know any better I'd say you were nesting."
"What was that?"
"Yeah right. Will you stop just standing there…I'm busy. Why don't you be a good little helper and go and make some lunch yeah? Just don't play with the knives and be very careful if you use any of the hot appliances. There's a good boy!"
The Doctor gaped at her. His mouth hung open and his brows creased into a disbelieving frown. Was she actually patronising him? The cheek of it. The nerve. Being condescended by a stupid bloody ape. That was it. He'd give her a piece of his mind. No ape was going to treat him like a naughty dunce child. Yeah…he'd tell her…any minute now.
The Doctor turned away and started walking away through the Tardis.
The Doctor stood in the middle of the kitchen, contemplating just what he could make Rose for her lunch. It had to be something interesting, fun…preferably something that would teach Rose not to be a mean spoil sport…meany.
He closed his eyes and started spinning himself around in the centre of the room. Keeping his eyes closed, he stopped spinning and began to walk forward, arms outstretched. He made five paces before his fingertips came into contact with something. Opening his eyes, he found himself in front of a cupboard with who knew what in it.
Opening the cupboard, he allowed his face to break into a maniacal grin, making him appear as a crazy evil Time Lord with a dastardly plan.
Peanut butter, marmite, ketchup and tuna. Perfect. If not a decent sandwich, then the best in biological warfare. Just feed your enemies into oblivion!
On second thoughts though, maybe he liked Rose not being in oblivion. Yes he wanted a little fun and a smidgeon of payback…but maybe attacking her with evil and potentially harmful foodstuffs would be pushing it a bit over the top. Definitely not a good idea. Maybe an easier combination could be used. Maybe just the marmite and ketchup or the peanut butter and tuna.
The Doctor could not for the regeneration of him decide which of these combinations to use, so he settles for a compromise. Yes, a compromise, marmite and tuna, that would work nicely. Not bad enough to warrant receiving a slap but bad enough to earn him a little attention.
Marvelling at his own superior genius, the Doctor set about finding the rest of the things he would need to make this amazing sandwich.
Bread, bread…breadbin. Oh…who would have thought of that? Uncanny really. Butter, um…ah never mind…silly unnecessary thing was butter. Completely useless if you really thought about it. All it did distract from the full flavours of the sandwich filling. That was the last thing that the Doctor wanted to happen!
Knife…second drawer down…ooh that one…nice and sharp. But…oh oh oh…Rose told him not to play with the knives. Maybe she would scold him again if she found out. That would be really…
Bloody Rasillon what was he thinking? Was he actually going to listen to a lower life form about kitchen safety? He was the Doctor…nine hundred years of life, most of which spent travelling through time and space. He had got into a fair few scrapes, which he had always managed to pull himself out of. Admittedly he had died nine times but he had saved a lot of lives. For goodness sake he had been on the front line at the fall of Arcadia. He was sure he could handle a small little knife without having any little accidents all by himself thank you very much indeed.
A short while later found the Doctor back in Rose's doorway, this time carrying a tray in his slightly shredded hands. Small scrapes and scratches littered his knuckles.
He stood there grinning from ear to ear, seemingly very proud of himself for successfully making lunch, but secretly happily anticipating the reception of the sandwich.
He cleared his throat to get Rose's attention.
He cleared his throat a little louder to get Rose's attention.
"Rose…ROSE. I made lunch. Just like you asked me to. Does that mean we can do something after you're done?"
Rose gratefully accepted the tray, raising her eyebrows in a bemused manner upon seeing the state of his hands.
"No can do I'm afraid. In here is nearly finished but I still got a ton of laundry to do and I expect I now got an entire kitchen to nuke."
The Doctor didn't think he'd left the kitchen in that much of a state. Sure there were crumbs and dirty dishes everywhere but that was what a kitchen was supposed to be like.
"But Rose I'm bored. So bored. Really I think you're doing this just to spite me."
"Come on Doctor, you can't tell me that in all your years you haven't even spent one day doing nothing? That's practically a statistical impossibility."
"I have on occasion had days like that…but not in this regeneration. I just can't help it. I get bored so easily, I have tons of energy and I get bored REALLY easily."
He was still patiently waiting for her to take a bite into the sandwich that he had oh so lovingly prepared for her. True that his patience was the sort that involved bouncing and fidgeting, but it was the best that he could manage.
He jiggled excitedly as she sat down on her bed with the tray in front of her. Upon noticing her arched eyebrow directed towards him, he consciously had to fight his body to stop moving and to calm itself down. He settled for staring at her in a questioning and what he hoped was a rather innocent looking way.
But this was it. The sandwich was in her hands, moving ever closer to the target. The Doctor gulped and leant forward, wanting the best view he could possible manage so as to accurately commit this moment to his extraordinarily large memory for the rest of time. Oh yes, if Rose flew of the handle and decided to kill him for this then yes, he would be a little upset, but he would at least die laughing. Anyway, what's one more regeneration anyway?
Rose was still glancing at him dubiously as she brought the sandwich to her lips and took a generous bite.
She chewed a few times…I thoughtful frown formed…the chewing stopped.
She reached out to grab a tissue from the box on her dresser and promptly spat the contents of her mouth into it. She stood…making what little height she had seem intimidating and frightening.
"Ooh Doctor…you are so dead!"
The Doctor legged it out of the room with Rose barely paces behind.
"No Rose don't kill me…it was an accident…I didn't mean it."
"Like hell you didn't. You complete and total git. You tried to poison me."
The made it to the console room with the Doctor still struggling to keep the distance between them, fearful of a Tyler slap. He promptly positioned himself so that the console was directly between himself and the utterly terrifying victim of his prank.
"Is it really that hard for you to stay out of trouble for just one day while I get a bit of work done?"
"I'm sorry…I was bored…forgive me? I'll do anything you say just please don't hurt me. I'll be good I swear."
Rose stopped trying to chase him around and gazed at him contemplatively.
"There is something you could do…you would have as much to gain from it as I do. It would considerably cut down on cleaning time, thus allowing me to finish sooner and you to drag us off to somewhere as yet unknown much much sooner."
"I'll do anything you ask of me. You're wish is my command. Direct me oh mighty fearless leader!"
Rose looked up at him through her lashes a satisfied grin and a malicious glint in her eyes.
That's how the Doctor now found himself in the laundry room of the Tardis, basket of Rose's laundry in hand, staring at a washing machine as if he'd never seen one before.
Well, he didn't use the washing machine…ever…well…he says never…not in this regeneration anyway. He just dumped his dirty clothes on his bedroom floor before he went to sleep and miraculously when he woke up, they were clean and tidy again, hanging in the wardrobe waiting for him. If he didn't know any better he would have thought that he Tardis didn't trust this incarnation not to make a pigs ear of it. Then again, the old girl could just be being nice to him, taking care of him and all that.
He looked at the washing machine, barely concealing his distaste at the normalcy that the device represented.
This would be so boring. Washing machines take ages.
It wouldn't hurt if he tinkered a bit and made his own improvements…would it?
Grinning like a maniac, he took the sonic screwdriver out of his pocket.
"Rose, I did it…aren't you proud of me? Can we go somewhere now?"
She rolled her eyes at him. She then started thinking about it seriously. If she made him stay here so that she could get on with the rest of her cleaning buzz he'd be pestering her every five seconds. However, if she let him take her somewhere and wore him out, she'd be able to finish up while he was conked out.
"Sure…take me somewhere nice, but quiet."
Upon seeing his crestfallen look upon hearing the word quiet, she went on to elaborate.
"Come on Doctor, you…me…unpopulated planet somewhere. We can just play about for a bit. Kick a ball around…play with a Frisbee…maybe even take a picnic. Sandwiches and the like…me making them, not you…a bottle of wine. Sound all right?"
"Sounds great. Why don't you go and get everything ready while I go and plot a course?"
She nodded in agreement and the Doctor turned away and started skipping to the console room. Well…the skipping was actually more like a cheerful jig-like walk with an occasional hop…but it showed his chipper spirits.
He jigged his way into the room and started waltzing himself around the central console unit, randomly pulling levers, pushing buttons and twisting dials. He had a good idea of where he was going to take Rose. As the Tardis hurtled towards the coordinated he had set, the thrumming and grating of the central column indicated to him hat they were nearly there.
He grinned like a madman as the Tardis thudded to a halt.
The Doctor was sat on the chair by the console waiting patiently for Rose. Admittedly his patience was that of sighing, grunting and much eye rolling…but he was really bored.
"Come on come on come on…stop taking so much bloody time. I'm bored."
He only had to wait for a few more minutes before Rose bounded into the room with a picnic basket, but of course, for him, it felt more like an eternity.
"Finally…I've been sat here waiting for hours for you. What to you so long?"
"You know Doctor, for a Lord of it, you really have one hell of a distorted perception of time."
He grinned at her and stood up, lunging towards the door as if he hadn't been outside for a month. He threw the door open and looked back at Rose to witness her response. As she looked outside, her breath caught in her throat…it was absolutely beautiful. Upon witnessing the Doctor's smug expression at her reaction, she put her hand into one of his jacket pockets.
"Eh…Rose…why do you have your hand in my pocket? Not that I'm complaining of course. I'd be nicer of course if your hand was in one of my trouser pockets but…"
"Oi you…less of the dirty thoughts please you old lecher! I'm just searching for something which I know for a fact you've got in there."
She fumbled in his pocket for a few moments longer before pulling out a large purple bouncy ball. She grinned at his sheepish expression. He looked like one of those old fashioned schoolboys caught red-handed with a sling shot in his pockets.
She promptly threw the ball out of the doors and laughed hysterically as the Doctor, losing what little sense of dignity he had, ran out after it. She stepped out after him; taking her time and looking around at the planet he had landed them on.
They had landed in a field of waist high pink grass. Well, saying that it was a field was a bit wrong really. Technically it couldn't be a field because the pink grass spread for miles and miles, as far as the eye could see as it were. It went back into the distance and up into a pale lilac sky.
She slowly walked towards a random patch of grass, flattening it and spreading a chequered picnic blanket down to sit on. She opened a bottle of wine and poured a glass for herself and a glass for the Doctor as he bounded towards her, proudly carrying the ball in his hand.
He crashed down beside her and gratefully took the offered glass of wine, gulping the whole thing down as if it were water. He lay on his front propped up by his elbows…gazing at Rose in a pitying manner.
"Don't tell me you're just gonna sit here for the entire trip? That is so boring. Look we've got this gynormous huge space to run around and have a laugh in. you can't just sit down and be boring. That's just so…old!"
She allowed him to hall her up on to her feet. He bent back down, took a long swig of the wine from the bottle and then threw the ball, chasing after it and beckoning for Rose to come and join him in his game.
Well…she thought…if he kept up with this rate of drinking and running about…then it should take too long for him to completely wear himself out.
The Doctor was exhausted. Thoroughly zonked…and just a little bit drunk.
He was currently being half dragged and half carried through the hallway maze of the Tardis. He had never actually told Rose the way to his room, so he was now trying to give her half-hearted instructions. He really didn't want to go to bed. He thought that would be extremely obvious given the fact that he kept spinning them around in the opposite direction or just spinning for the sake of it.
"Doctor stop it right now…you'll make yourself ill. I'm surprised you're not already with the amount that you've drunk. You should have been catatonic after the wine and the Bacardi…let alone the numerous hyper vodkas."
"Time Lord biology…or meat…mat…metab…ooor…lis…mmm…metabolism. Yeah thasthe thingy. Anyways it means I don't get drunk. I never dooo. Impossibly. I jest feel great. Har…gratey! Thas me."
Giggling to himself, he tightened his hold on Rose and spun them around again, enjoying that wailing sound she was making.
"Doctor stop. How the hell do we get to your room?"
"Ha I know you're game missy. Want me in my room you say. And you called me the dirty one. I'm on to yooou. You just want me cos I'm pretty."
"Yes Doctor…when we get you to your room, I'm gonna throw you on the bed, strip naked and have my wicked way with you, just like I've wanted to do since I first came on board. I can see that your genius Time Lord brain has seen through my evil ploy. Darn it…I guess all I can do is beg for your forgiveness. Please…please Doctor…I know that I've been a very bad girl and I must be punished. Please punish me as soon as we get to your room. I think I need a spank. Now how do we get to your room?"
The Doctor looked at her with wide eyes. In his drunken stupor, he was believing every word that she was saying. And in his drunken stupor…he was grinning like a Cheshire cat.
"Down one level, beyond the library, third door on the left."
She had dumped him quite bodily onto his bed and he had promptly passed out, mouth open, drool running down his chin. She left him there, silently asking the Tardis to alert her if he started choking on his tongue or anything, and made her way to the laundry room to put her clothes from the washing machine into the dryer.
The first thing that alerted Rose to the fact that something may not be right, was the small puddle slowly forming under the doorway of the room.
"This is so not good."
Pushing the door open carefully, she was nearly toppled over by the strong wave crashing through the doorway. When she regained her balance she chanced a look around the room, an angry frown crossing her features. It was then that she noticed the sonic screwdriver innocently sitting on top of the washing machine, random important looking mechanical parts lying next to it.
"I'll give him bloody bored…DOCTOR…YOU ARE IN BIG BIG TROUBLE!!!"
A.N. Yeah…not too happy with this. Didn't have a plan or anything…or a plot…just felt like writing something. Any Thoughts about it?