Authors Note: This is the most unlikely Ino x Shikamaru x Temari you'll ever read.

also written by: miyakosujiwara


Oh My…


"Ino-Pig!" Shouted the aggressive Temari.

"Sand-trash!" yelled a just as aggressive Ino.

"Shut the fuck up bitch, before I knock the 'wind' out of you!"

"Oh yeah? Well I know a few 'mind games' of my own!"

"Just face it! Shikamaru is mine!"

"Nuh-uh! He's mine you manly 'fangirl' !" Ino clenched her fist.

"This is such a drag." sighed Shikamaru. Standing about 20 feet away from the two bickering girls, standing along side men more curious of the situation.

"This is gay as hell." sighed Gaara. "I should make them into a 'sandwich' "

"ZOMG! Gaara! that was gay. Who uses pawns?" Asked Naruto. "Only 'foxy' people can do that!"

Kakashi sighed. Though he didn't have to stick around, it being a rather wet and muddy day, he wanted to see how this would turn out. He watched these young…underage kunoichis grow, fighting to the death would be the most use they could be to him.

"That's it!" shouted Ino. "I didn't want to have to mess up my Gucci outfit, but--"

"Gucci? I thought I donated that outfit to Good Will(1) a while back." Temari gave a smug laugh.

Ino's eye began to twitch. "Insulting...my...fashion?"

Temari seemed confused as Ino stood still paralyzed, like a ticking bomb. Wondering if she just made her snap.

"Ha, figures a prissy girl like you would get insulted by something as futile as fashion."

"You...Will...DIIIIIIIE!!!!" Shouted Ino as she surprisingly leapt towards Temari 5 feet in in the air and pinning her to the ground.

"Whoa." said Naruto doe-eyed.

"interesting..." said a now aware Kakashi.

The two girls began to rustle on the ground. With Ino's occasional pulling of one of Temari's pig-tails. And Temari's occasional straddling attempting to choke Ino.

That went on for a few minutes until Temari stood up, bringing Ino up as well by her waist length blonde pony-tail. Ino began to struggle and reach to retrieve her hair, then in her only defense turned around and grabbed at Temari's shirt.

RIIIIIIIIIIP

Everybody paused in disbelief.

A shocked Temari looked down to see what she feared, her kimono shirt ripped in half and a red-lacey bra exposing.

Ino just stared in disbelief as well. "Oops."

"Whoa." said Kakashi mimicking Naruto's response.

"Aren't you 30?!" yelled Naruto in disgust towards his sensei.

"15 at heart." smiled Kakashi.

"You...bitch!" yelled Temari ripping at Ino's shirt as well. But she didn't stop at that, she began to rip at her purple skirt as well, until Ino was exposed in her lacey pink bra and matching panties.

Ino's eyes grew wide as they could, she was speechless. She would have remained speechless for a longer time, but Temari took this opportunity to tackle Ino into the mud puddle behind them. Both enraged at the other, the two began to wrestle around in the mud, as if they were professional mud wrestlers.

Shikamaru's face had changed from frustration and apathetic to more shocked than he had ever been.

"Oh...My...God..." was all he could say.

"Jesus loves me" said Kakashi with his one revealing eye wide open, not missing one second of this very unique and downright epic situation.

"I feel bad for not paying for a ticket to see this smut" Gaara sarcastically said.

The two girls continued to mud wrestle until Ino had ripped off Temari's skirt as well.

Temari froze looking at Ino for a second.

'She doesn't look half bad covered in mud, I can see why she'd think she actually stood a chance against me with Shika.'

Ino gazed up at Temari as well.

'Is that Victoria's Secret she's wearing? It looks so busty on her. How does she get her boobs to push up that much?'

Temari gazed down noticing exactly how exposed she was. "Oh my..." She responded with a sultry tone.

She smirked, then quickly knocking Ino down on her back. "You know, this situation isn't that troublesome."

Ino quickly caught on. 'She wants me!'

Ino gave a smug smirk "Not really."

"Quiet you!" Temari said while grabbing Ino's hair and pulling her into a kiss.

"Oh lawrd, " said Kakashi while fanning his face.

"I knew it." said Gaara plainly.

"Shikamaru...lucky bastard..." said Naruto also not missing a second of this CRACK situation.

Shikamaru was still speechless. But he regained his composure and got in his "thinking pose" as if he were strategizing something.

Ino embraced Temari's passionate kiss. But now it was her turn since Temari made the first move. She then flipped Temari on her back and climbed on top of her, sliding her right knee up Temari's leg.

Temari smirked, but acted as though it didn't please her. This was also turning into a battle. Temari then sat up sitting on her knees and Ino doing the same. Temari then running her finger down Ino's cleavage, and going on down.

Before things could get hot and heavy Shikamaru stood up straight from his "thinking pose" as though out of a trance.

"Ladies, ladies, there is enough Shikamaru to go around. You two are absolutely filthy, let's take this to the bubble bath."

Shikamaru having the widest smirk because he knew at that that moment, he was a pimp.

Temari and Ino gazed at eachother for a second in question. Then both smiled.

"Will you promise to wash our backs?" Ino asked.

"But of course!" Shikamaru smiled.

Temari and Ino stood up hand in hand walking to Shikamaru.

The threesome were eventually out of sight heading to some unknown location for a "bubble bath". And here the other three men were still there in disbelief.

"What the hell?" asked Gaara still looking ahead as if they were still in that same mud hole, fighting and making out.

"Oops!" Kakashi yelled.

"Kakashi-Sensei! You didn't!!!!"

"Haha, this is why Akatsuki cloaks come in handy." laughed Itachi from a tree.


1-Good Will- That is a store where all clothing items are donated and the store then sells them VERY cheap. This is a place menat for poor people. So now you can see the diss to Ino. XD

(old) Haha, gay as hell, we know. But we like it! This is what happens when you discuss couples at lunch in school. XD.

New A/N: Dear mother of god, wtf was I thinking? This is the most IDIOTIC story ever. What was I thinking? Does this seem like a story a normal FEMALE would write? XDDDD I thought not either.

And this has the most reviews. OMG. D:

Well thanks a lot anyway! It IS pretty crack. XD