Scrabble and Daiquiris

By: asteriskjam

A/N: YES. I'm not dead! But I probably will be once the SasuSaku and NejiTen fans get wind that I wrote this.

It can be interpreted as fluff OR friendship, though, so don't fret readers.

Had to get this out because I miss dialogue fics. It makes me wittier and helps to improve my bantering skills. A bantering-Sasuke is OOC enough to make me cringe. So I went with the Hyuuga genius to face off smart Sakura in this battle of wills…and alcohol tolerance!



"Gee. What a fun day."

"Yeah. Stalking an underworld crime lord for a full 8.42 hours is unmitigated ecstasy in my book."

"…Snarky bastard aren't you? We got out alive."

"I sprained my arm in that scuffle."

"Suck it up, Mr. ANBU. I fixed you up anyway, right?"

"…If pressing a bandage to the gushing open wound and giving me a pat on the back deems fixed, then yeah. You fixed it."



"You want to go get a drink?"

"What? Why?

"…You've said more than fifty words within the span of a few moments. Isn't that reason enough to celebrate?"

"Your logic wreaks havoc on my brain."

"Well then, you should be happy that some form of reasoning keeps it company once in a while."

"…Ouch. That one hurt, Haruno."

(smiles) WHACK!

"OW! What the-- That one actually hurt!"

"…Right. Arm's still in bad shape. Must've slipped my mind."

(grumble) "Can't you fix this up now? From what I can access, we're not being pursued as was the case before."

"Sorry, low on chakra. If I even attempt to harness energy, I'll pass out. And you wouldn't want to endanger my health, would you, Nej?"

"…I think I'm willing to take that risk."

(glare) "Are you always this charming, or is today a special occasion?"

"What can I say? You bring out the best in me, Haruno."



"Well, it's quite the struggle. Especially when my ass hurts as much as it does now."

"…That's why you're waddling."

"When we were escaping that bastard's personal team of assassins, I fell on my butt trying to jump out that one window."

"Smart and graceful. Quite the catch, aren't you?"

"Shut up."

(he stops, then looks skyward)

"…Neji, I didn't actually mean shut up."

"…You know, whenever you complain about your ass hurting, the weather suddenly takes a turn for the worse."


"Remember. A-class mission few weeks ago."

"The thing with the Mist pirates?"

"Yeah. The second you complained about your ass feeling numb, it started to hale."

"You really think there's some direct correlation between my ass and the climate?"

"…I see rain clouds."

"Wha—shit! You're right."

"Bar's about two and a half miles from here. We just have to walk a little faster."

"Assuming that you used your Byakugan and your calculation is approximate, then damn it. Stupid ass."

"That insult was uncalled for."

(laugh) "I meant my butt."

"I think it's starting to drizzle."

"Yeah… Hey, aren't you cold? What with the sleeveless ANBU get-up you've yet to change out of."

"I was waiting for you to offer me your jacket."

"I don't know, Neji. The floral pattern and girlish fit may somehow disagree with your established masculinity."

"Like how it offsets your violent tendencies?"

"…Ooh. Low blow, Hyuuga."

(smirk) "That was for the comment about my intelligence."

"…Hurry. Let's get that drink. I'm hoping the inebriation will dumben you down."

"Sakura, 'dumben' isn't a word."


"Only serving to smarten the uneducated masses."

"Ugh. Bartender, peach daiquiri, please."

"Scotch, for me."

"…I smell like moss."

"…Ok. So you've actually gone out of your way to smell moss before?"

"Not really. I'm wet and smell of dirt and plants. Just an assumption."

"Well, it's natural what with Hirazawa's hideout being in the depths of the Mist forest."

"Mm. I don't like smelling like moss."

"I'm quite sure no one chooses such a fate."

"Fate. Do you still believe in that? I remember. Chuunin exam finals when you did that whole spew about fate to Naruto."

"…Not anymore. I think I've reverted, realized that I should be deciding my own destiny."

(grin) "Naruto-ism."


"You noticed, haven't you? How Naruto was treated like the dead weight at the Academy, only to grow up, beat all arrogant punks into the ground, and teach them some life-altering lesson in the process?"

"A conundrum, I gue—…wait, you thought I was an arrogant punk?"

"To some degree, yes."

"And the truth comes out."

"If it's any consolation, I thought you were a pretty cute arrogant punk."

"…Hold it, we're not drunk yet."

"…Right. I forgot that there was a standard procedure to spouting potentially inappropriate statements."


" In the meantime, let's get the mundane small-talk out of the way first. So, how're the wife and kids?"

"Nonexistent, thanks, because I'm 22 and still have a lot of time to start a family later on in life."

"Ooh, quick on your feet. I like that. You'd make an excellent interviewee."

"Ah. How's the hospital?"

"Meh, alright. Except on those days I smell like disease."


"Mmm. Well, someone has to attempt to cure the common cold and patch up all the bloodied ANBU that limp into my office each morning."

"…Were you born with pink hair?"

(laugh) "Talk about non-sequiturs."

"I mean it's pink. How are you supposed to remain hidden when the enemy can kunai your skull a distance away?"

"Heey…Um, No, It--…I always do manage to be stealthy, don't I?"

"…Colorblindness isn't uncommon."

"And besides, I was born this way, thank you very much. What should I do? Dye it black?"



(simultaneously) "No."

"My namesake wouldn't make sense anymore."

"Unless you changed it to Yami Sakura."

"…I knew you watched Yu-gi-oh, Neji!"

"…It was Hanabi."

"Right. How's the family anyhow? Hinata-chan still holding up with the engagement plans and things?"

"Aah. Uncle's got the finances covered and Yamanaka's following through with the wedding arrangements. Hinata-sama's still unbelievably fussy, however."

"Mm. Naruto's not in any better shape. The guy's a nervous wreck what with the wedding only a couple of months away."


"…You know, when they have a child, you'll be Uncle Neji and Naruto was determined in making me surrogate Auntie as he has no sisters."

"Auntie Sakura. Auntie Sakura…and I'm Uncle Neji. Hm."

" 'MOU! Take me to the park, Uncle Neji!'"

"Does that mean Uchiha's an Uncle too?"

"Oh. Uh, yeah, I guess?"

"Keh. I'm blood so I should be higher ranked than the Uchiha."

"…In familial ties as well?"


"Competitive bastards."

"…Do you still love him?"

"What? Oh, wait—have we confirmed to being thoroughly sloshed? We should do a test."


"Say 'She shellz—sellz-s seashells by the she—seashooore.'"

"She shells seashe—She sells seasells—See—She—shit. I can't even say it when I'm sober."

"Mph. Good enough."

"…What were we talking about?"

"…What it's like to have white eyes, me thinks."

"Er. No different I think from having green or black or blue or whatever other color eyes. 'Cept mine can see 360 degrees and through things."

"…Does that mean you can see me naked right now?"

"Probably. But really, who'd want to?"

(growls) "…Point for you. What's the score?"

"Neji- 365, Sakura- 364."

"Crap. You're one point up me? Well, you're a perv, Nej. One more point for Sakura, HELLZ YES."

(his quarter suddenly drops to floor, he bends down to pick it up.)



"You don't have lines."

"Jerk. Observant aren't you?"

"So I've been told."

"I meant of my ass."

(smirk) "It's nice."

"Ahh. You're one of those flirtatious drunks aren't you Neji-kun?"

"Blargh. You cold?"

"We've dragged Mist country in here, Neji."

"Or maybe Uchiha's in the vicinity."

"Booo. Harsh. Why do you guys always go at it?"

"He's too dumb to know what he's got."

"…You mean how he has that automatic shaved ice maker and never uses it?"


"I know! He could've given it to me—he knows I love that stuff—but noooooo, he just had to be stingy and keep all that wintery fruit goodness to his lonesome."

"Wintery isn't a real word either, Sakura."


"…Dunno. But why think of winter when you claimed to be cold?"

"…That's right! Brrr."

"You know, Sakura, I could—"

"Don't even start."


"You were going to offer to warm me up."



"…with this heat patch I've got in my pouch."

"Oh. …Ok, then."

"Other ways would get me arrested for public indecency."

(gasp) "And that would ruin the Hyuuga family honor!"


"…Damn, this drink is good. I can't even remember how we got here. What were we doing before?"

"We were at your apartment I think."

"Doing what…? MAN, my ass hurts."



"…That's right, we were playing Scrabble!"

"No, no. Mission, I think. Yeah."

"Oh. Right. Arm."




"…You know…what I wanna do now, Haruno?"

(cell rings)

"Hold it, Nej. Hello?"


"Sasuke-kuun! Nice of you to be calling lil ol' meee. So sweet, Sasu-kun, so sweet. What? No, no, only five shots of dack-ree. No, with Nej, here. The bar on the insectsio—intersects—(giggle) inter-sex."


(sneaky smile) "No, no. We're fine, perrfectly perfect and—necking. Yeah."


"Neckin'. You know when—STOP fondling me, Neji, I mean it—like touchy touchy."

"…Touchy touchy."

"No…rre. You're breaking up Sasuke—pssshhhhhshs--I can't really hear—ppshhhss—NO, it's not me going 'pshhh' it's the cell, I'm going through a tunnel! And—pppsssshh- Neji and me have tooo –ppssshhhh-."

(hangs up)

"Heehee, that was fun."

"…Uchiha's going to be hunting tomorrow, you know? You sneaky wench, sicking your emo boy on me."

"Guess that means I'm a point ahead, SHANNARO."


"Geez, it's getting stuffy in here. …My place?"





A/N: Teehee. Writing drunkenness makes me feel grown-up.