Quick! Run! It's stylexx again o.o Method07 is being worked on. I sweaaaar


ficlet inspired by something I did IRL. Hehehe.


This is why I hate math. KennyCartman


I've always hated math.

I guess math is really the only honest thing in the world. Everything's gotta start and end somewhere; everything's got a number value. Emotions are chemical reactions, which are science – which is math. Who cares about interpretation? In the end, everything comes down to cold, hard mathematics. Seems like math's the only thing that anyone'll really believe.

So this is what I'm thinking as I sit in my back-row seat in integrated Algebra – better known as stupid math. I wasn't nearly ready for our last quiz, and I really couldn't be assed to try to get any of the questions right, so instead I'd just written this:

Name: Kenny M.

1. Expand the binomial: (x + y)'6

Mrs. Potocki, I am in love with Eric Cartman.

And her response, her being a math teacher, was purely mathematical:


Guess I didn't set the curve. Hehehe.

But see, now I'm thinking, and this is what gets me. Everything translates into numbers, and I couldn't help wondering what the quantity of my "feelings" would be. So – 0/22? Isn't that funny? It's like there are only 22 ways to be "right" at life; 22 correct steps to reach perfection, and loving Eric Cartman isn't one of them. When I see the way everything boils down to math, it's like life...well, okay, there're a lot more than just 22 acceptable paths in life, but it's still gotta be a number, and I can't help but notice that, no matter how I change the ratio of that goddamn fraction, my feelings are still worth zero over a number.

Why's there gotta be a number on life? Why have people put so many mathematical restrictions on everything? Is it so we can understand things better? In that case, I'd rather not understand things at all. I hate the boundaries that math puts on the world.

Eric Cartman, though – he's goddamn infinity.

I think that guy has literally kicked the crap out of mathematics. He's totally incomprehensible to the numbers of his peers; the ratios of his government; the percentages and values of society and morality in general. It's fantastic. He's got so many numbers at once that even math can't figure him out.

As far as math can see, he's a 16 on a normal day – 100, percentage-wise, and a 1 as a biological entity. As a friend, he varies (from what I've seen) from a -1 to a -5892. If he's out on the town and feeling rebellious, he's a 21, and, if he feels like dicking around on the internet, he even takes on variables – 18/F/CA, for instance. He's 6'5" upward and 253 outward – he's a number king. I can't think of more right now, but trust me when I say he's got every number in him, and then some.

Eric Cartman is cold, callous, unforgiving, and honest to a degree that mathematics could never reach. From negative infinity to infinity; irrational numbers, imaginary ones; everything – it's him. Eric Cartman is infinite.

But me, I'm a zero. Always have been, always will be. And I guess my feelings are meaningless; a 0 out of 22 in the case that the quota is 22. Sure, I can be a 16 and a 100, percentage-wise, and a 1 as a biological entity, and 5'6" upward and 121 outward, and anything else, maybe – but never infinity, and then there's the fact that, sitting right over any number I could have, there's always that fraction bar and a zero, anyway. No matter what you do to a zero, no matter what its denominator, it'll never reach infinity. Not unless you add infinity, itself.

Me and him together wouldn't change his value, but it would make me everything and then things that even everything is not. I could be more than anything – so many things that I think I'd never run out of things to do and numbers to be, even if I did end up living forever. And even in the case that my mathematics finally run dry and I'm cut out of my biological existence, by God, wouldn't that have been the most amazing life to have lived?

No definitions.

No restrictions.

Just infinity.

That's why I've always hated math. That's why I'll always love Eric Cartman.