((A.N//Well than. My fist House Fic. Never thought I would be writing one, but I lurve the show and I got the request from my friend so I just had to write it when the idea popped into my head xP. Hope y'all enjoy! Please review.))

Disclaimer: Alas, the sarcastic doctor and Co. Are not mine. I just use them in my mad tinkering.
Warnings: Slash, Sex, ect. Come on. It's smut, What the hell are you suppose to expect?

Dedication: To Tori cause she is the one who asked and annoyed me to write this bit of whim.


"How Dare you!"

House didn't even let his face twitch as the woman on the padded table squawked her outrage at him. He just pushed his chair away and let out a snort.

"It is the truth. Can't take it? Pay for a therapist and don't waste my time."

"I was scared my life was in danger! That spot on my skin could have been anything! How dare you touch me…and…and."

"Get rid of it? It was dried Jelly and I wiped it off of your tit, you should be happy you are not dying and have thrown away your day worrying over something so stupid… Maybe you should bathe once in a while."

"You touched my breast!"

"Would you rather I tell you only have two months to live? I can tell you that now if you like. With your stupidity, the human race will probably purge itself of you. Next time you think you are dying, make sure it isn't left over foodstuffs that you couldn't get into your mouth quick enough."

More noises that made the woman before him sound like a bird. He couldn't deal with this. Really, what was the point of the Clinic? The world would do better without the people who ended up here, and there was no profit in dealing with these folk. No puzzle, no interest. What was so drastic about some damned strawberry jam? Goddamn.

House picked up his cane and left the room throwing back one last insult before going to limp off to the bathroom to take a break for a while from the clinic, hide away for a tad before someone came and dragged him back to the clinic by his ear.

He did his business, washed his hands, washed them again, found a hangnail, plucked it out, created a new one, got rid of it as well, and was on his way of matching the color of his eyes to see if both were the same shade when a nurse knocked loudly on the door and his MIA status was taken down, shoved back towards the clinic for some more mind dazzling duty.

He probably dug his cane into the ground a little too hard as he walked back, an internal monologue brewing all the while. Every now and than he let loose a grumble, and finally shoved his hands into his pocket pulled out his pills, dropped more than a few into the palm of his hand and pushed them into his mouth without taking a glance down to what he was doing. He shoved the pills back into his pocket and continued on his way.

So diverted in attention was he, that House did not even notice the blue diamond shaped pills floating in and out of the white ones that got poured down his throat, though any sane person probably would. Then again, that is implying he is sane.

With Vicodin and Viagra swimming down his gullet and into his system, House went back onto the droning clinic circuit.

He moved from room to room, spelling away the easy problems with his brand of cure and at least got the excitement of their reactions out of it. Two STD scares, a common cold and a broken finger nail later he slipped into the next room and turned towards the person who sat and waited.

"What do you want?"

The person, a male of maybe eighteen years, looked startled at the abruptness before giving a small scowl. "No Hello? How are you? What is your name."

"And give the problem you have so rushed here for those few precious seconds? Of course not! Besides, your name is on this chart so why waste breath?"

The male just blinked before frowning. "And the how are you?"

"You have waited in line for an hour to complain to me about something, so why prompt it?"

The eighteen year old scowled again before sitting up and moving to take of his shirt and turning so the other could see his left shoulder. "Well we skip than. God forbid I waste your time with my pain." His voice was plainly sarcastic, but House couldn't help but feel slightly pleased.

Stepping foreword he saw the reason for the boy's complaint, his left shoulder bore a series of bumps in a rash. "I tried all the CVS crap, so don't think I just spotted it and came running." House clicked his mouth shut over his insult and went to look it over, frowning before pulling away.

"Poison Ivy." He declared, and went to move away before he heard giggling coming out of the other. He raised an eyebrow, and the male merely smirked.

"I didn't realize rashes had that effect on you, really-I'm flattered…but I am not quite interested."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

He gestured towards House's crotch and he looked down, seeing the tent in his pants he immediately dropped his hand down and shot a glare to his patient. Usually he had better control over that, what in god's name had caused that? He was no longer a teenage boy who got erections during math class. The male on the table just laughed again and house grabbed his clipboard. "Well than, seems that makes you uncomfortable. I would hate to make a patient uncomfortable." Bullshit. "So I do believe I'll leave and let someone else handle this problem."

House grabbed his cane with his free hand and moved towards the room exit, glancing to the nurse's before making a limping dash to the nearest his foremost hiding space. Wilson's office.

He ducked inside, his friend not there at the moment. He was probably boo-hooing over some broad with a lump in her chest. Not his problem, no he had another one to face now. House put the clipboard down on his desk, and looked to the protrusion of his slack pants. Damn, how in the hell did this happen…and how to get rid of it? Masturbation would probably be the best way, and the most efficient. Though while it was here, he wished he could have more fun than that.

Oh well. He would just have to get it over and done with than. He gave a quick glance to the door before undoing his belt, and letting his pants slide down. He sat and proceeded to pull his boxers down as well before closing his eyes and wrapping his hand around his shaft. He began to the motions he had mastered at the age of fourteen, pumping his hand, and waiting for orgasm so he could continue the day as though this had not happened.

But that was not his luck. Dr. Wilson was returning from his lunch break, and opened the door of his office not expecting to find his college jacking off while sitting in the space. He spotted house and let out a curse, dropping the folder he carried and turning away in surprise before looking back and covering his eyes before quickly shutting the door behind him so no one else could see, locking it as House had forgotten to do.

House just opened his eyes, looking not at all phased over being caught. His hand continued in its motion as he shifted slightly, so he could see the expression on Wilson's face.

"You look like a school girl."

Wilson dropped his hand and glared, glancing down once before riveting his eyes to his face. "Well sorry." He snapped. "Not every day you walk in to see your friend masturbating, in my office to be exact!"

House just shrugged. "Safer than my own."

"Can you take it elsewhere?"
"I'm almost done."

Wilson just shook his head and threw his hands into the air before moving behind his desk. Sinking down. Well, at least House had not chosen his chair to do the deed in.

He tried to start some paperwork, but the sound of skin slapping on skin was too distracting. Finally he sighed and looked up to House once more. His eyes were closed once more, his head tilted back as he beat off.

"What caused it?"

House's eyes snapped open again and he looked to Wilson.

"I have no clue. One moment I was doing Clinic duty, and a kid made a snarky comment and the next moment I was looking down to a hard one."

"Ah" Wilson shifted again, keeping his eyes on the other. He cleared his throat and shifted once more. "I thought you said you were almost done."

"I lied. I underestimated my longevity, guess I am just that good."

"Want Help?"

That made House's hand pause and he faced his head to look at Wilson. "What?"

Wilson blushed and cleared his throat slightly. "Help. You know, get you off faster so that I can have my office to myself sooner rather than later." He nodded his head, and House raised an eyebrow before lifting his hand free and sighing.

"Be my guest."

Wilson swallowed before moving over, he glanced down to House's crotch before pulling the other chair up and sitting down close to the other before taking his hardness into hand. House grunted as he closed his eyes and moved his head back as Wilson moved his hand, stroking fast and hard.

They stayed like this for a moment, Wilson glancing up to House's face before leaning his head down, and letting his tongue slip over the head. House's eyes snapped open again and again he looked slightly shocked, the expression new on his face. "The hell?"

"Mouth faster than hands." Wilson merely shrugged before bringing his lips around the tip of House's hardness and moving down the shaft. House swore and no longer commented as he tiled his head back once more and moaned. His hand twitched slightly, before resting on Wilson's dark locks as the he moved his head further down the sarcastic doctor's length.

"You've done this before." House's accusation came out in breathless tones, and Wilson didn't comment-just kept going, humming slightly. House's free hand suddenly shut out, going to Wilson's crouch and he let out a small bark of laughter.

"You're enjoying this."

This time Wilson did pull back, his lips slightly swollen as he licked them and moved his hand to take over for a while as he spoke. "No. I often suck off those I see with a hard on just because." He replied dryly, and House managed a smirk, his grip tightening and Wilson letting out a gasp, before the other undid his zipper.

"Might as well return the favor." His hand slipped inward and took a hold of Wilson's erection, going to stroke as well as he used his hand to push his friend's head again, to which he responded by resuming his previous actions.

The rhythm built up, House moving his hand faster and Wilson his head. Soon enough House let out a grunt, and the dark haired male found himself swallowing the Doctor's seed, and he was cumming himself in turn.

Wilson pulled back; his breath heavy-as was House's. Both looked to each other, leaning back in respective chairs before Wilson closed his eyes, moving to zip his fly up before clearing his throat.


For once the other didn't have much to say. After a moment, he moved to readjust himself as well pulling on his pants, and smoothing out his shirt and hair as he stood and made a grab for his cane. Wilson stood as well, brushing his hair back in place.

House nodded once before going to head for the door. "Clinic duty. Seeing you than."

Wilson just let him leave, watching the door close before sinking back into the chair with a small smirk on his lips. After a moment he stood and made for his desk, and sat shuffling his paper before pausing and looking to the door again.

He reached for under his desk and pulled open a drawer, and from there he pulled out a white bottle-where blue pills jiggled inside. He slipped these into his pocket, glancing to the door once more before starting to read what was on his desk.

He would have to find a good place to throw those out, he didn't trust House not to snoop and find them in his home or office pail.

Than again…Maybe he would keep the little buggers.

Who knew when they could come in handy again.




((Hope ye liked. Please review, and check out the challenge on my profile to see if I can write a fic for you xD))