Hey hey everyone. Due to popular demand (and by popular, I mean 18 people), I've continued my one-shot, He's the Very Model of a Modern Major Captain. Personally, I think this one sucks so much more than my first story, but whatever. I'll be posting new chapters from time to time. I'm making up the story as I wrte, haha, that's why it may seem terrible. But, once again, please leave your sweet, honest, brutal reviews. Peace out!
Disclaimer: Me no owny Bleachy, Tite Kubo does.
"You're freaking kidding me."
Rukia Kuchiki sighed at her captain as the two walked down the hallway leading from 1st Division's meeting room. Ichigo Kurosaki had only been captain for about a week and he was already getting sick of the job. His current assignment was to train a fresh new batch of shinigami, straight from the academy. He didn't like the idea, however, because he said it would just be a waste of time.
"Like hell I'm going to go spend my time teaching kids how to fight!"
"Ichigo, stop being so stubborn and just accept what you've been given."
"No way! I strictly refuse to instruct a bunch of sword wielding toddlers that'll probably end up killing themselves before they see any real action!"
"Don't be so cold, they need you! They hardly know any combat skills, and the closest they've been to real fighting is learning about it in their classes!"
"Hey, it's not my fault that they're all stupid weaklings. You know, I don't know why they can't just get out sent out somewhere, like the 80th Rukon District, and make themselves stronger. You know, toughen them up. Get a taste of the real world."
"Because they could get themselves KILLED, dumbass!"
"So what? They're probably going to die anyways when we invade Hueco Mundo."
"Don't say th-" Ichigo stuffed a sock in her mouth… his sock… straight from his foot… She spat it out, and disgustedly gave it back to Ichigo. Seeing how grossed out she was, Ichigo continued.
"Now, let me finish Rukia. The Hueco Mundo invasion is in four years and we'll be facing hundreds, if not thousands, of Arrancar. This war has no use for green soldiers who can barely wield a sword, let alone swing one. It's like handing someone a gun and hoping they shoot the enemy without injuring anyone else. It's retarded! Four years isn't enough to get someone to Arrancar-fighting level. We're better off with experienced shinigami already in the Gotei 13." Ichigo rubbed his chin a bit with his right hand as a he spoke. "If you ask me, we should either just spend our time training the people we already have, or turn everyone into Vizards." Ichigo inhaled deeply after he had said "Vizards".
"We need as many people as we can get Ichigo. Aizen's army heavily outnumbers our own, and trying to turn everyone into hollows on purpose is just too dangerous."
Getting another big swiff of air, the tired-out captain continued explaining his reasons. It'd be a cold day in hell before he allowed Rukia to get the last word in an argument.
"But releasing their inner hollow is the only way that we can get them strong enough in such a short amount of time. If we continue what we're doing right now, we won't stand a chance against Aizen. However, if we change them, as well as everyone else, into Vizards, we could have a good chance of beating him."
"Though you bring up good points, the other captains and lieutenants will agree that it is still too much of a risk to be tampering with that kind of power, especially with novices."
"Hey, I went through that process, and I turned out fine."
"You're just special, Ichigo." Rukia replied annoyingly.
"What's that supposed to mean, short round?" Ichigo inquired angrily.
"Don't call me short."
"C'mon, tell me half-pint!"
Ichigo knew she would break eventually.
"All right, that's it! I was trying to be nice, but since you're such a jerk about it, nyeh!" she said sticking her tongue out.
"God, even your tongue is short." he retorted, sticking his own tongue out as well.
"Oh ha ha, very mature Ichigo." she said with her tongue hanging out, slurring most of her speech.
Doing the same thing, the frustrated strawberry retaliated. "At least I'm tall enough to be called mature."
Rukia almost bit her lips off from pure anger. "You know, you can be such an ass sometimes!"
"Don't call me an ass, ya midget."
"Don't call me a midget, you pig headed bastard!"
A pulsating vein had now appeared on both of the officers' forehead.
The two were now literally butting heads as they walked along. They received many odd looks from the shinigami they passed, but neither of them noticed. They were both too busy thinking the same thing: "I can't lose this argument!"
"God, why do I put up with you?" Ichigo said, with arms crossed.
"I should be asking that, jerk." Rukia said as she glared at her captain.
"You know what, I think I am going to teach those brats. At least it'll get me away from your bitchiness."
"I'm bitchy? Well excuse me, Mr. Too-lazy-to-show-a-bunch-of-kids-some-basic-skills-so-I'll-just-sit-on-my-ass-and-get-fatter-by-the-second-while-complaining-to-everyone-else."
"Psh, this from the girl who spent god knows how long sitting on my couch doing nothing but eating cookies and ramen and watching Chappy."
"Shut up! If I didn't love you so much I'd be-" Wait. Hold up. Go back a little bit.
Ichigo was staring wide eyed at his lieutenant. "Wh-what did you just sa-"
Rukia was now in a panic. She grabbed her captain's arm and ran, pulling him along. "NOTHING ICHIGO YOU'RE JUST HEARING THINGS! DON'T BE SILLY! WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? YOU HAVE TO FINISH YOUR PAPERWORK AND GET READY FOR TOMORROW!!!!" Despite being so small, Rukia had a very strong grip. She was able to drag Ichigo all the way to his office without once loosening it or letting go. She did, however, knock down anything that was in their way, including several other shinigami, boxes, and a tree.
"HERE WE ARE, YOUR OFFICE! YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY TONE DOWN THE DECORATIONS A BIT! IT LOOKS AS GAUDY AS CAPTAIN KYORAKU! WELL, WE MIGHT AS WELL GET TO-"
"Rukia, geez, just calm down! Damn! How can you move your mouth so fast?"
The screaming girl blushed a teensy bit and stopped. "I'm sorry Ichigo, it's just… I… just forgot, okay?" she said, forcing a smile.
"Uh… alright…" Ichigo replied, scratching the back of his head. "Look, we better finish our paperwork…"
Rukia wondered, "Something's wrong. Why isn't he interrogating me?" She kept smiling and spoke back. "Yeah, let's hurry up; we have to get well rested for tomorrow's recruits."
Ichigo was about to angrily protest to the latter suggestion, but just kept quiet. After spending around half an hour scribbling down words and names, they said "Good Night" to each other and Rukia left for the Kuchiki mansion. Ichigo walked into his room and laid down on his bed, but not before setting his alarm clock. He stared at the ceiling for some time before he actually shut his eyes. The gentle swaying of the trees outside the window and countless thoughts of a certain raven-haired lieutenant finally lulled him to sleep.
A/N: So... what, crappy? Time-waster? Devil spawn? You decide. Please review! I need your criticism to become a less sucky writer... yeah... I know... sucky isn't even a word... :(
I just finished the Arrancar arc yesterday, haha. Scanlations ftw!