Title: The Other Me
Author: NT aka Aku-chan
Warning(s): Shonen ai, angst, death.
Disclaimer: MEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! (translation: NO OWN, FOOLS!)
Yes, I am just that skilled.
Oh, btw, this is kind of an old one-shot thingie that I never posted before. Sooooo... here (runs)
"Soubi..." There's something I've been meaning to tell you. Maybe a confession even, but I don't really consider it to be a confession of any kind. I know it doesn't really matter to you, because you see this as nothing more than a master speaking to a servant, right? That is how you lower yourself to me, yet at the same time, you're mocking me that, at night, my heart begins to burn from an ice cold flame. Does that make sense? It doesn't to me, but you've never made sense to me.
"What is it, Ritsuka?" All those 'I love you's really mean nothing to you, don't they? You throw them out there so carelessly even when you call yourself a master of words. But just because you're a master of words, doesn't mean you'll understand me. In fact, I believe that because you're so good with words, you'd never understand my silence. Because when you say 'I love you', it's all through the command of my oniichan, isn't it?
"Soubi..." I can see his name from here. You didn't cover your neck again and there in scarred letters across your flesh is that constant reminder. I don't own you. You are not mine. Your presence itself reminds me of that 'other'. The true Aoyagi Ritsuka, not this thief, this fake. I wonder where he is right now. I wonder if he's enjoying this sick torture he's putting me through, but maybe I decided this fate for myself when I stole his face. Maybe it's just karma telling this demon to return this body to the boy who it belongs to. Is that what this is all about?
"Is something the matter, Ritsuka?" Seimei, is it you? Are you the one protecting your precious Ritsuka? I won't be here much longer if you wish it. Just show me how to get out of here. Please, take me back. Give him back this body. Don't... don't make me stay here. Seimei, if this is your doing, kill me and Ritsuka will return like it should be. Because even when I have his face, his body, I have nothing. This room is his. This mother is losing herself for him. This fighter, it belongs to him. None of it is mine, I know that. These friends, these memories, these smiles, none of it is really mine, is it? I'm afraid I'll forget, but it's not true. I'm not afraid, I'm waiting to.
"Ritsuka?" Soubi, I think I have truly fallen in love with you, whether the one I fell in love with is really the true you. Or are you just full of lies and false faces? Are you looking for Aoyagi Ritsuka too? Don't you realize how much that name makes me die a little inside? Have you ever wondered about your own existence, as if you were just living someone else's life, you had simply taken over without their approval? Like you're invading something private and sacred, you can't help but feel dirtied with sin. But then you remind yourself, no, impossible. This is me, no one else is me. But she reminds me every morning until the last moments of sun. And they remind me every session of therapy. And the rest remind me when they call me Ritsuka. And he reminds me when he says he loves me. Because he is lying and I am lying.
"Ritsuka, are you okay?" Soubi, I love you, and that may be the only truth I have to offer. You don't have to be mine, and none of this has to be real. But it'll remain the same that I, whoever this fraud may be, have fallen so deeply in love with Soubi that I'm dying. I'm dying from this pain imbedding itself into a loveless heart. I'm dying to the point of exhaustion for this imposing soul. I'm dying. And I finally realized. I don't belong.
"Ritsuka, say something." Stop. Stop saying that name like it's me. And stop looking at me with so much concern, I hate it! Stop lying, Soubi. Stop tempting me to live. I'm already dying. Stop making me want, desire, everything about you, Soubi. Leave me be.
"Ritsuka, please say something." Seimei, you can take me now. I don't mind. Seimei, I didn't mean to take Ritsuka away from you. Did it cause your death? I'm sorry, Seimei. Please forgive me. Seimei, it's okay to kill me now, after all, I won't feel a thing. They won't miss me when I'm gone because nothing will seem different. Seimei, I'm okay with it.
"Ritsuka?" Seimei, say hello to Ritsuka for me. Tell him, I said I'm sorry and I hope for his happiness.
"Ritsuka!" One last thing, tell Soubi, Seimei... tell Soubi that I love him.
"Ritsuka!!" Tell Soubi for me, Seimei. Oh, and if he asks who it is from.
"RITSUKA!!!" Tell him Loveless.
Aku: Umm... yes, that's all. Loveless is the other "Ritsuka" within Aoyagi Ritsuka, catch my drift? And he's speaking to Soubi, but stops talking and only Soubi is talking afterwards. I'm explaining that because my friend got confused. So this entire little 800+ word drabble is in the point of view of Loveless, who is the other "Ritsuka". Got it? Good. Meow. Thanks for reading.