Teaching Harry: A One-Shot

By Herm-Own-Ninny879

Disclaimer: I don't own one bit of Harry Potter. All copyrights belong to JK Rowling and her people.

Author's Note: This story takes place during Lily and James' first year as parents! I just wrote this story out of random, and some parts may possibly be pointless! But no snide, Snape-like comments please! Nothing too harsh, no curse words or anything...Thanks!

"James, I'll be at the store, alright, sweetheart? Can you and Sirius watch Harry for me?" Lily Potter called to her husband.

In the kitchen, James Potter and Sirius Black looked at each other.

"Are you sure we can take care of Harry by ourselves?" Sirius hissed.

"James?" Lily called.

"I don't know!?" James hissed back to Sirius.

"I think we can," Sirius whispered.

"Yeah, let's," James shrugged. "Okay, Lily!" he shouted to his wife.

"Harry's in the nursery, so I'll bring him down to you guys to save you the trouble of going up yourselves. I was going to plan to teach him to talk today, but we ran out of milk and baby food," Lily called.

Sirius shook his head no to James.

"Okay, sweetheart," James called back.

"I'll just say bye to Harry then I'll be on my way." Lily walked up the stairs to her baby son's nursery and kissed him on the forehead.

"Bye, love," Lily cooed. Harry giggled.

Lily smiled and left the nursery, carrying Harry to the kitchen.

Sirius and James stood bolt-upright when Lily came into the kitchen.

"Sirius, James, I want you guys to teach widdle Harry here how to talk. I should at least see that you've taught him something, unlike last time when you taught him how to whack an idiot with a broom or in Harry's case, a rattle...ugh," Lily shuddered, holding Harry out to her husband and his friend.

James took his son and smiled down at his soon-to-be-look-alike.

"You and I are going to have lots of fun," James whispered. Harry giggled and said, "Goo."

"Well, I'll be off. Bye James, see you Sirius. Bye sweetheart," she added to Harry and waved goodbye and left.

"Goo," James cooed to his son.

"Wibble-bibble," Sirius said sweetly, tickling Harry.

"Wibble-bibble?!" James asked his friend confusedly.

"Hey, that's all I got," Sirius shrugged. James shrugged back. Harry looked at his father and his godfather as if he were a confused dog. (A/N: You know...tilting the head sideways and looking confused...)

"Oh, okay. Kootchy-Kootchy-Coo," James crooned.

"Hey, aren't we supposed to teach him how to talk?" Sirius asked.

"Oh. OH. Okay," James smiled. "Harry, say 'Daddy'," he said trying to sound as sweet as possible.

"Poopy," Harry giggled.

"Uh...Harry, say 'Padfoot'," Sirius smiled.








"Say 'Dada'," James said exasperatedly. He thought for a moment. "Hey! I've got an idea!! Sirius, check if there's a bit of peas and baby food left."

"Sure thing, mate," Sirius said confusedly, rummaging through the fridge. "Found one, but its 'Peaches and Bananas'."

"Urgh," James shuddered, "But it's for his own good... Sorry, Harry."

Sirius opened the small can of Peaches and Bananas, got out Harry's feeding spoon and scooped some and put some up to baby Harry's mouth.

"Here comes the food plane!"

"Foo!" Harry squealed.

Sirius and James looked at each other.

"FOO! Foo! FOO!" Harry squealed, louder and louder. He grabbed the spoon and flung the food...smack on James' face.

"Okay, this will leave something," James wiped the food off of his face with his hands.

"Prongs, we're going to have to take a different approach to this matter," Sirius muttered.

"Yup. It's time to call in the reinforcements."

"Harry, say 'daddy'," Remus Lupin said, tickling Harry's chin.

"Poopy," Harry squirmed.

"Say 'Prongs'," Remus tried again.

"Pong," Harry stared at his dad. James' eyes grew wider; his glasses almost falling off of the bridge of his nose.

"He almost said it!" James exclaimed, cheering like a maniac, but Sirius slapped him aside the head.

"He barely said it, mate," he rolled his eyes.

"But-but he said the word pong! Pong is that stupid Muggle sport isn't it?"

Sirius tried to muffle his laughter. "We meant for him to say 'Prongs', Prongs, not pong," he burst out laughing.

"How are we going to get him to talk? Lily's coming home soon, and we haven't taught him anything!"

"Technically, Prongs, he can say 'poopy', 'pong', and a bit of the word 'food'," Remus corrected. James glared at him.

"I'm home!" a voice called from the kitchen.

Lily's home...

"OH CRUD," James whispered.

"Language, mate," Sirius whispered. Lily walked into the kitchen.

"Remus! What a surprise," she smiled. "Oh, James, I got more banana baby food for Harry."

"Oh, okay, darling," James said distractedly.

"Yes, I almost forgot. What did you teach widdle Harry today?"

"Oh dilly," James slapped his hand to his forehead. Then, a voice rang out,


It was Harry.

"Oh, Harry! Your first actual word ever is Mommy! James, I've got to hand it to you, darling, you are a great teacher!" She walked up to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

James breathed a sigh of relief. Remus and Sirius left the house as quickly as lightning.

"Oh, I was going to ask them to stay for dinner. Oh well," Lily shrugged. She tickled Harry, who giggled, and left the room. James smiled softly and walked to his son.

"Not a word to mommy, okay?" he whispered. Harry giggled.


"Maybe tomorrow, I'll teach you Quidditch."

"Hey, did someone drop a dungbomb?" Sirius said in revulsion, covering his mouth and nose as he came back into the house, waving a hand in the air. "We could smell it from the front door!"

"Poopy!" Harry exclaimed, giggling sweetly.

"Oh, Harry!"

Author's Notes: That was my first one-shot! Whad'ya think? Now, please send me a review! Thanks!