Prologue: At Wit's End
"Something had to be done about this..." The speaker trailed off as though looking for a word.
The original speaker hushed the other voices that were now all suggesting words from under their standard black-issue hoods where they sat around him. "I personally like idiocy, but now is not the time to be suggesting words. We must find a way to address this growing issue least something happen that interferes further with our lives..."
"Or our personalities!"
"Or our hearts!" If I were an author who liked to correct her characters who were/are still someone else's characters, I would remind this person that they are a Nobody and do not in fact possess a heart. But I'm not.
"Or our sexuality," someone mumbled, undoubtedly the thirteenth member of the Organization.
"Or our Organization. If I have to see one more number removed or added..."
"Quiet!" The original speaker called again, and, deciding he could no longer keep order, flipped down his hood to reveal his face, which was that of a man every fangirl knows very well as Mansex. Because I am not one of such fangirls, however, I shall be calling him Xenmas. I prefer to leave their letters in their original order, because I'm sure that was not on Disney's part intentional or noticeable to most of them.
Square Enix, on the other hand...
But the author will leave the ranting to the characters.
Xenmas raised his hands for quiet, which was, for the first time, difficult to get from his Nobody companions to be quiet. Never before had he seen them quite so distraught as they removed their hoods to reveal their faces, (Yes, all thirteen of them are alive, seeing as how all thirteen of them are alive and abused in fan fictions) which were full of heavy and uncharacteristic worry.
"What happens," said the voice that had earlier made the comment about hearts, who turned out to be Axel, "If we aren't' able to stop them from messing up our personalities? What if it gets to the point where Roxas and I really are..." The Nobody swallowed what was most likely some bile in his throat. "...Like that? What if we can't stop this personality warping?"
"I say," said Xaldin, "We try to make it known somehow to the fangirls what they're doing to us."
"I think it'd make them laugh," Axel mumbled, but due to the cry of 'Good idea!" from Roxas, no one heard him. You see, Roxas was very tired of constantly being made fun of, and was very worried that something could happen to him that would incline him to possibly turn to Axel as anything more than a friend. Therefore, he was willing to try any idea that might somehow save him from further being a Yaoi fangirl's dream.
"An address. Xaldin, since when have words ever gotten us anywhere?" Xenmas asked him, putting his associate on the hot seat with an icy, serious glare. Please observe: He is not flouncing, bouncing, proclaiming his gayness in any sort of way, or wearing a bright, gaudy pink robe covered in glitter. Now, the author WILL stop her stream of sarcastic side comments and continue with the back-story to how the Nobodies came to be giving such an address.
"I don't know. But perhaps we can reason with fangirls. Nothing else seems to work," he said.
"Easy for you to say," remarked Roxas. "You're not the one who's butt is constantly sore or something from having..."
Xenmas cut him off. "Enough, Roxas. All those in favor of attempting to address the fangirls and show them the idiocy of their fantasies and overused plotlines, say yes."
The chorus of 'yes' overrode the lone 'no' from Roxas.
"Good," said Xenmas with a smile. "Then, does anyone have any particular topics for us to attack?"
"YAOI." Axel's voice covered all suggestions. Slowly, the list on the desk before Xenmas grew into twelve additional and longer chapters that the author would write with which to bash the poor, sorry state our fandom is in to this very moment, full of Mary-Sues, AU's, and overdone plots in severe need of a thrashing...
"Well," Xenmas said, "Let us decide who will be speaking on what."
Axel screamed in horror when he found his topic would be the one that he had suggested. His horror would be short-lived, though, as he would soon break down into sobs upon finding that the one to help him convey this sad mistake of a topic was Roxas.
Roxas said nothing. He'd fainted.
A/n: I'm not bashing specific people. Flames are accepted. I laugh at them. Future chapters will be much longer. To those of you who are finally fed up with the state of the fandom, well, then more power to all of us. Leave love, and I'll see you all very soon with the actual address, not the back-story.