Beast boy POV
I never meant for anything like this to happen. I never meant to take it this far. I've let things get out of hand. Typical of me to screw it all up. I thought I found what I needed in Terra. We were so compatible. We were so in love. I was so very wrong. We couldn't be very compatible if she desired destruction and I desired peace. We couldn't have really be in love if her only goal was to get to the Titans through me.
Through my despair, I found a new friend.
She understood pain. She understood loss. Though, love was a fairly new emotion, she had the impact of Malchior's betrayal resting on her shoulders. It wasn't the same, but close enough for us to find common ground.
And we did. Our daily talks on the roof helped. I got out my frustration and she learned to open her soul. I didn't mean to do it. I really didn't. She was Raven. The dark, lonely Titan who was really a demon child born from rape.
My broken heart began to heal. And slowly over time, it ached for someone else. For Raven.
I couldn't pin point the exact moment it happened. I couldn't say what day of the week or what month. I couldn't say if it was because of the way the light shone over her hair. Or if it was the sound of her voice captivating my ears. Or perhaps the way her skin felt when she'd lay her hand on top of mine to comfort me.
It didn't matter in the end because it all resulted in the same concluding statement. I was in love with Raven.
I didn't mean for taking it too far the night of the party. Getting her in bed was never my intention. It would have been nice to do eventually... but with Raven, slow is always better. Even if slow meant decades.
We had sex on the dresser that night. Releasing all the tension we had felt over the months. Relishing in what we had found in each other after so many years. Then, I carried her to the bed.
"We should stop," she said, hastily as I set her on the mattress. The realty of what we had done must have dawned on her. There was still time to walk away and not ruin our friendship completely. Or maybe it was her fear of the emotions she felt that began to scare her away.
"We can," I consented as I removed her panties from her legs. My actions were betraying my chivalry.
"We shouldn't do this," she was shaking her head, trying to make sense of it. I could see the conflicting emotions looming over her face. I leaned down and placed my lips on hers. I felt her breath on my face as we parted and my lips began to make their way down her jaw line. "We can't," her voice came out in ragged breaths. "We shouldn't..."
I pulled away from her. "We can," I began, not being able to finish my thought. I was being selfish. I didn't want to stop. Not with her laying there. Her hair fanned out on the pillow. Her deep violet eyes watching me, half closed. The need was building up again in me. I swallowed hard.
She closed her eyes for a moment. I watched as the emotions flickered across her face. It was the tiniest movements of muscle that would go unnoticed in public. But I saw. Her violet eyes met mine when they reopened. She began to concede. "We can," she agreed and then wrapped her arms around me to pull me downwards.
I had to admit that with the alcohol, I didn't quite remember what had happened. It didn't help that Raven moved me back into my room just before I woke up. At first, I had thought it was all a dream. Laying back on my mattress, I stared up at the ceiling and laughed. The poor thing was probably going to put herself thought some roller coaster ride of emotions. I knew it was best to keep my distance until she sorted it all out. Space was always the best remedy for her. Push Raven too far and she'd only push back. Her natural magnetic field always making sure people kept a good distance away from her.
Of course, I couldn't stay away forever. Especially when it became evident that Raven either didn't want to approach me or thought I didn't want to be approached.
So there I sat there, watching Raven's surprised reaction and waiting for a response.
You," she began after what felt like an eternity of silence. "Knew?"
Play it cool, BB, I told myself. I gave a slight nod.
"You," she began, looking down at her feet. "never said anything..."
I scratched the back of my head. "Sorry, Rae," I managed, sheepishly. "When I woke up in my own bed, I figured you needed space. You thought I didn't know the entire time? That I didn't remember?"
For once, she looked ashamed. A deep blush crept over her cheeks. "I guess it's true about what they say about people who assume," her voice was low. "I freaked out. I'm sorry."
I gave a nod. "It's okay."
Her eyes couldn't seem to meet mine. "I really messed things up, didn't I?"
I gave her a warm smile as I placed a hand on her cheek. The gesture surprised her, making her jump. Relaxing, she leaned into my hand and closed her eyes. "What are you thinking, Rae?" I found myself asking. She opened her eyes in surprise. "I want to know so bad what is going on in that head of yours."
She seemed to hold a breath for a moment. "Turmoil," she answered and with that she pulled away from my touch. "Confusion. Doubt. Uncertainty." Moving from her kneeling position, she sat with her legs crossed. "I've put myself through hell over this. I doubted myself and I doubted you. I even thought you forced me..." she couldn't finish her thought and the look of horror on my face had frightened her. She shook her hands frantically. "I know you didn't. I remember everything now."
I relaxed a little, but the question still lingered in my mind. "Were you okay with... you know, with what we did?" I watched as she searched for the right words. In defeat, she merely nodded and the simple gesture made my heart swell.
"So, now what?" she asked. "What do we do now?"
I contemplated that for a moment. I had to admit that I never thought that far. Everything was all in the spur of the moment. All of it fueled by lust, alcohol, and probably a little loneliness. But, there was something else there. It was something else I couldn't ignore. I bit my button lip. "We can't go back to being friends, can we?"
Her gaze fell downwards. "Is that what you want?"
"Raven," I leaned forward and placed my hands on her shoulders. I searched her eyes trying to find that something that I just couldn't pinpoint but could feel it was there. "Our talks. The time we spent together. I am my happiest when we are together here on this roof. This is where I got to know my team mate, whom at the time was just that. Then, she became my best friend. And, I got to learn about her strengths and her flaws. Each of which made me think more of her. Then, she became something else to me. Something more."
"Beast boy?" Raven's voice seemed to be caught somewhere in her throat. I felt like I was reaching for something in her and for a moment, I may have caught it.
"I loved Terra," I told her. "She broke my heart. And, now she's gone and there was this big empty hole in me. You helped me fill it, Raven. And it filled up with you."
"I don't understand," she said, perplexed. "What exactly are you trying to tell me?"
I bit my lip. "I think that I fell in love with you, Raven." I shook my head. "No, scratch that. That's not what I wanted to say. No. Raven, I am in love with you."
I could feel her shoulders stiffen under my hands. Her gaze went down to her lap. To be in Raven's head to listen to what she was thinking would have been the most helpful thing. Because, in that moment, I could feel my heart in my throat and I was mentally scolding myself for not slowing down. I may have scared her, I thought to myself.
"So, we can't go back to being friends," she said after a long moment. My stomach instantly felt like it weighed two hundred pounds. I retracted my hands.
"No, we can't," I replied after a long while. I felt my eyes sting, beginning to form the tears that I knew would come. Hold it together, I chided myself. You knew this would be a possibility with Raven. Keep it together.
"Because we had sex," she said and I wasn't sure if it was a question or not.
I turned my head to look at something else – anything else that would distract me from this conversation that was heading in a direction I didn't want to go. "I suppose friends don't do that," I replied.
There was a long silence that filled the next few moments. I watched as two birds landed on the railing next to us. They were poking at each other with their peaks, almost like it was a game. Or maybe it was a fight. Suddenly, one placed its head on the other. It had conceded to the other. Then there was peace between the two. I smiled, lightly.
"I'm too imperfect," her voice brought me out of my thoughts and I turned to find her looking straight at me. "Being together may not work. I wasn't made for this human reaction and companionship. I wouldn't know where to begin with it. My powers would end it before it even began."
"Rae, we're all imperfect somehow," I pointed out. "That's what makes being with someone even possible. Someone's flaws are overshadowed by the other's strengths. And, that person's strengths brings the other out of weakness."
If she was touched by my statement, she didn't show it.
"I've been running from my emotions for so long. Being alone is all I have ever known. And, the last week, I've been agonizing over what we did. I couldn't bring myself to admit how much I enjoyed it. Not just the physical part but the emotional end of it that I just never allowed myself to feel." She turned to look at the birds I had been admiring. "I tripped somewhere and the running stopped."
"Is that a good thing?"
Her eyes closed and a small smile curled her lips. "I suppose it is." The flap of wings made me turn. The two birds took off into the sky, circling each other in some weird dance. Together, they continued until they were two specks in the sky. "Could you really be the strength to help me out of my weaknesses?"
"I'd like to be," I said. "Raven, you asked if we could go back to being friends..." She became guarded, masking her emotions with her famous deadpan look. The perfect disguise. "Did you want to go back to being friends?"
Surprised, Raven looked away from me, gazing back at the sky where the two birds had disappeared. She hadn't been expecting that question. I waited in silence for her answer.
It was the longest few moments of my life.
I think we are coming to an end of this story. Slowly. I had decided to switch to Beast Boy for this chapter, because I thought it'd be refreshing to kinda of see Raven through his eyes. I always felt that he understood her the best out of all the Titans. I really wanted to convey the emotional roller coaster Raven had put herself though only to find it really was for nothing. He already knew. Irony. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed.