A.N. Well here it is. The very last instalment of the disturbing wrongness and craziness that is this fic. Sorry that it's taken me so long. I need to get my arse in gear and update stranded too. And I have a new fic in mind, a sequel of sorts to normal life Doctor. That one should be muchly fun to write. So with any luck that will be here soon.
Anyone, thankyous to all of my reviewers, especially Cute Gallifreyan who offered much appreciated support and advice.
The Xanodere had not stayed a kitten for long, much to the disappointment of many of the team. It was of course a popular opinion that a cute fluffy grey and white speckled kitten was a vast improvement over the fearsome brute of armour plated killing machine. They had taken a vote. It had been a landslide victory in favour for keeping they beast as the adorable feline. The Doctor had however, dismissed the notion, spouting something about the fair and ethical treatment of criminals and the injustice of keeping something as the wrong species against its will. The others had grudgingly conceded and had all worked together to decipher the cellular modulator and turn everyone back to normal.
The chavy parrot girl had almost completely malted. She was left with just a small covering of soft downy feathers which she was assured would be gone as well within twenty four hours. The purple gentleman was now pleasantly none-purple, though still feeling somewhat green, but that was more down to shock than anything else unnatural. People were springing back to normality at an alarming rate. Even some of the more serious cases were being sorted with the victims coming back with total health, or at least, the same level of health they had before the Xanodere fiasco all started. The woman who had been brought in while the team went to retrieve the beast was doing very well indeed. The fungus had receded dramatically and she could open her eyes nearly all the way!
So the victims had been patched up and healed. Those who were well enough had been sent home and those still remaining were being monitored as the rested peacefully in the cells.
The newly restored Xanodere was happily detained within the Tardis, mewling to itself and batting around a ball of string with a sharp-clawed fist, behind several locked and secured doors.
Owen was awakened and back to his prior state of health. He was currently out at some dive, dealing with his mortality by drowning his sorrows in a predictable large malt scotch.
The Doctor was indeed manly and hairy once more, out of the terrible excuse for underwear that he had been forced to endure, and into his regular and charmingly rumpled brown pinstripe suit. He seemed none the worse for his ordeal, although he did (when he didn't concentrate) regress to a walk full of rolling hips and butt swinging. Girlish giggling was also coming forth from him, much to his disgust and the general amusement of his fellows.
They were for the most part, in the main area of the Hub. Of course Owen was out no doubt getting extremely fantastically inebriated, and Jack and Ianto were in Jack's office.
"Forgive me. It was stupid and…and stupid…and I'm very sorry. Just a moment of weakness, fuelled of course by the consumption of alcohol, the lowering of inhibitions…not that I'm making excuses of course." Jack implored.
"I thought I meant more" Ianto replied dejectedly.
"You do Ianto. If you only knew. You mean so, so much to me."
Ianto sniffled, composing himself before fiercely looking up in anger to meet the pleading gaze of Jack. "Obviously not as much as the Doctor."
"Ianto…believe me, the Doc is just a friend. It was just a friendly shag, not a deep spiritual and emotional shag. God, where I'm from sex doesn't have all of these other implications, all the possessiveness and emotional consequence. Sex is sex. All the rest, all the feeling, is just, something else."
"I'm not sure I understand sir."
Jack took deep breaths trying to centre himself and work through the explanation in his head first, determining whether it made any semblance of sense or not. "The Doctor…she…he's a friend. I slept with him, her…him…because I was finding the whole female Doctor situation terribly amusing. Hilarious actually. I was just, taking advantage of the moment. I'm not in love with the Doctor. I love him yeah sure…but you know what I mean. I want you. I need you."
Ianto smiled slyly up at Jack, understanding the explanation. "Okay…well lets try this again…exclusively, just the two of us right. And I want it understood that you are in no way forgiven. You have a lot of grovelling and adoring to do before you make it back into my good books. But I'm willing to let you try."
Jack grinned and took Ianto in his arms for a soft and promising hug.
The Rose were undergoing a conversation of a similar subject in the corner of the Hub.
"So…you…me…floating in the vortex…reacquainting ourselves with…me?" the Doctor waggled his eyebrows at Rose suggestively which prompted her to burst into a wave of giggles.
She took his hand smiling at him warmly. "You're on. Me…very female me…you…very male you…sure we'll find something to keep us entertained, locked together in a box."
"So you still want to then?" he asked nervously.
Rose squeezed his hand lightly, reassuringly. "Yes…unless you don't"
"Oh I do, very much."
They grinned shyly at each other, again managing to communicate so much to each other through very little being actually said.
Jack and Ianto meandered into the Hub, holding each other's hand lightly.
"Ah Jack there you are" greeted the Doctor amiably. "Sure you wont come with us. There's so much out there left to see, explore and run away from!"
"No thanks Doc. I got a good thing going on. Good team, great guy. Besides, I'm needed here. I can help."
"Good man. Well, best be going, worlds to see, people to save. Got to get the Xanodere back for a trial. Oh and Jack. The cellular modulator, it's not a toy. Don't play with it and that goes for you too Tosh. Deconstruct and see how it works by all means, but no messing around, I don't want to have to bail anyone out of anything."
"We got it covered Doc."
They walked up to each other and shook hands, then grinningly went in for a very manly and platonic hug. When they failed to part almost immediately Ianto piped up with "let go of my captain you slut!"
They broke apart and all eyes of the Hub turned towards a sheepish Ianto who was looking around as if trying to determine where the abrupt sentence had come from.
Brushing over the uncomfortable atmosphere by ignoring it completely, Jack turned to Rose. "Goodbye Rosie, take care of him yeah?"
"Will do Captain Jack."
They embraced and then the Doctor and Rose turned to make their way into the Tardis, Rose looking curiously at the Doctor. "What did he mean Doctor? Why'd Ianto call you a slut?"
"Oh nothing nothing at all. No reason. Just a little thing really. Hardly worth mentioning. Well…not really that little a thing."
"What happened? What did y…"
The doors of the Tardis closed behind them and through the haze of noise from the materialisation start up sequence, Rose's angry voice could be heard.
"YOU SLEPT WITH JACK?!"End