AN: Yeah, St. Paddy's long gone, so I was thinking that I should scrap this fic... But then I got the coolest idea ever.
As Dragunov received his award, he was hit in the head by a flying beer bottle.
"Ouchsky! Vho is being throv beersky at me?" he asked in his trademark Russian accent. (which I invented myself)
"Get off the stage, Ivan! We want Bryan!!!" shouted Kunimitsu.
"Name is not being Ivan, is Sergei!" shouted Sergei back.
"What-fucking-ever!" shouted Kuni. She got on the stage and bitchslapped Dragunov.
"That is being hutingfull."
"Deal with it!" shouted Kuni as she smacked him with a rolling pin.
"Vho is being vriting shit stori vhere I getting smacked on head?" asked Dragunov, as the stagelight inexplicably dropped on him.
"Yo, hold it right there!" shouted Anna. "What if Bryan and Sergei have a contest where they decide who deserves the award?"
"Heh, ma Sergy's gonna kick ass!" stated Nina F. Williams.
"No fucking way, bitch!" shouted Kuni as she kicked Nina in the shin.
"That fucking hurt!" complained Nina as she punched Kuni's jaw.
"STOP IT!!!" shouted Anna. "Now, would please Bryan get on the stage?"
Bryan got on stage, hauling his bigass chaingun and some other weapons. Sergei cracked his fingers.
"I am being very delighted to be kicking ass." stated Sergei.
"Yours is gonna get kicked, russkie!" taunted Bryan.
"Yeah... Whatever." said Anna. "Now, get ready for the first competition... Thheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee DANCEOFF!!!"
Everybody cheered as they al appreciated dancing.
Dragunov got out first and everybody booed.
Suddenly, Sexy Thing by James Brown started playing. (I just love those '70s songs) Dragunov did some cool disco moves to which the crowd grooved. (think Tiger's TTT ending)
Everybody cheered when Dragunov started breakdancing. Then the music stopped and he got off the stage as Bryan stepped up.
Suddenly, some weird music started playing... and much to everybody's surprise, Bryan started riverdancing. The crowd proceeded to laugh their arses off.
As Bryan got a little too violent, the stage crashed and broke, sending Bryan to the netherealm (well actualy, it was a 2 feet fall, but I like to exagerate).
"Muahahahahahahahaha!" laughed the crowd.
"Lolz that." said Anna. "And now for the next competition... The Beer Drinkoff!!!"
"Yeaaaaah!!!" cheered the crowd as two unidentified JACK-5s brought huge amounts of Guinness.
Sergei approached the beer pile and started drinking. But he could only handle 20 bottles before falling to the ground, his stomach swollen.
"BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" booed everybody.
Bryan stepped up and took to the beer. He proceeded to dry out every single bottle, including Dragunov's.
"Goooooooo Bryyyaaaaan!!!" shouted Kuni who got naked, revealing that she had a Bryan tattoo on her butt.
"Oooooooooohhhh." ooohed everybody at the sight of Kuni's assets.
"Man, she's hot!" said Bryan who was pretty drunk from all the beer.
"Bryan, Bryan, he's our man!" cheered Kuni, but nobody bothered to look at Bryan, as everybody was oggling her.
"Get yourserf covered, Kuni-chan." said Yoshi who showed up from nowhere.
"Where's did you come from, pinhead?" asked Kuni.
"Cover your modesty, so we can be happy." said Yoshi.
"No fucking way! My heart, and all the stuff in it's vicinity belong to Bryan!" shouted Kuni and everybody gave Bryan jealous looks.
"Then I sharr fight him, for you are my girrfriend-chan!" stated Yoshi who drew his sword.
"Bring that shit, pinhead!" chalenged Bryan.
Yoshi started his helicopter thingy, but Bryan pulled out his chaingun and turned Yoshi into Swiss cheese.
"I have faired you, sensei." said Yoshi as he fell to the ground.
Bryan got offstage and went to claim his prize, which was Kuni. They went to... ahem, enjoy the spoils of war someplace else.
"Sooooo." Anna got on stage, holding an envelope that contained the name of the winner. "Our winner for this party is...
Everybody made Vikinglike roars to support Paul as he got on stage and started singing 'I'm too Sexy' again.
"I'm a model, you know what I mean
and I do my little thing on the catwalk.
On the catwalk, yeah, on the catwalk
I shake my little tush on the catwalk."
Everybody cheered as Paul shook his rather large tush. Nina was trying to reviwe Sergei, but to no awail. He just couldn't take it.
"Fucking softie!" swore Nina. "I gotta get me a real man!" she said as she eyed the dudes in the audience.
"Okay, would all the fags and softies get the hell out, so I can get me a real man?" she shouted, after which the only people left were Anna, Dragunov and Heihachi.
"Shit! I'm stuck with a pompous slut, a worthless comie and a perverted old fart."
"Man, this party sucks." said Heihachi as he left the party.
"Way to go, Miss Tomboy." said Anna. "You pooped my party!"
"Yeah... it sucked bigtime!" fired Nina back.
"Shut up, bitch!"
"No, you shut up, slut!"
"No, you shut up, bitch!"
No, you shut up, slut!"
Bryan and Kuni had the time of their life. If I told you what they did, I would have to re-rate this fic.
Anna and Nina didn't change a lot.
Yoshi was reviwed in that idiotic way in which nobody dies in games.
Paul got into modeling and won world fame.
Nina was condemned as homphobic.
Dragunov kept the toilet occupied for 32 hours.
Eddie got shot and then became a world famous rapper called 70 pesetas.
Caligula II decided not to do another holiday special until 4th of July.
He would also like to apologise if he insulted any Irish, Russian or gay readers. Sorry folks, but stereotypes are fun.
He also thanks: mirrors of illusion, PINK dict tape, jineye, Purple Cobra 247, Makaveli, animetekkenlover and everybody else who took the time to review, read and laugh at this second-grade fic.
Horribly late for class, the mysterious Caligula saves this doc and dissapears once again into the night, despite the fact that it is a rather sunny day.