Juuust a little something I wrote for Seto's Darkness, since I saw in her LJ she wanted (a) SasuNaru one-shot(s) for her birthday. So I decided to contribute, since she's an awesome writer. And even though it isn't until April, I needed to write this now before I lost the inspiration. -hearts-

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uchiha sasuke's mission.

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Uchiha Sasuke is a shinobi.

Uchiha Sasuke is a shinobi on a mission.

Uchiha Sasuke is a shinobi on a mission that doesn't involve vengeance in any shape or form (considering he had already killed Itachi).

Uchiha Sasuke is a shinobi on a new mission.

He is on a mission to screw his dobe in every place screw-able. Oh yes. He had already concocted a list of places he planned on tackling Uzumaki Naruto into, and it was an ever-so-steadily growing list that kept increasing the more he thought of places. His list went something along the lines of this (x marks where SasuNaru action has already taken place):

bedroom (obviously) - x
kitchen (counter, table, floor, wall...) - x
bathroom (shower and floor) -x
training grounds - x
forest (in the tree tops, on the tree trunk, and the forest ground...) -x
bathhouse - x
hokage's office - x
alley way
back of a store
public bathroom
in the park

...And the list goes on. Aa yes. Uchiha Sasuke was a shinobi on a mission. But in order to complete said mission, he needed to find and corner his runaway blonde. Now where in all the world did the Rokudaime go to...?

He was stalking resolutely through Konoha -- back straight, head held high, onyx eyes pinned straight forward as he ignored everyone else and settled on looking for a certain Kyuubi vessel who kept slipping away from him any chance the idiot blonde got. No one got in an Uchiha's way when he was on a mission. No one. It was clear as day and night that he had a goal in mind, and every Konoha citizen was more than aware of the relationship between Konoha's ANBU Captain (not that people were aware he was the ANBU Captain... since his identity as an ANBU was kept secret...) and their dear Rokudaime.

So they all steered clear of his way and even opted to looking around for their loud and lively Hokage. Where did that young man get to anyway? He was probably at Ichiraku's, as he was prone to go whenever he avoided doing his Hokage duties. Needless to say, Sasuke was always the one who had to go out to drag Naruto back to his office, because who else would do it? That lazy-ass Shikamaru who was supposedly Naruto's advisor and assistant? Right.

Sakura would usually do it, but most of the time she was busy at the hospital, or on some mission that required a medic-nin present. Today was no exception. Sasuke wouldn't mind dragging Naruto back to the office but...

Uchiha Sasuke was a man on a mission!

Where the hell is he?

He paused and narrowed his eyes, looking around for any signs of a familiar head of blonde hair.

His smirk turned positively feral when he spotted exactly who he was looking for.

Target locked.

Naruto was beaming as he passed through Konoha, completely oblivious of a pair of leering eyes narrowed on him. He paused to engage in casual conversation with some people, waving to others, ruffling hairs of young kids he passed. Today was a great day! Avoiding office work... Not running into Sasuke... Sasuke was... well he was very horny lately, and it was driving Naruto insane!

Naruto frowned thoughtfully before shrugging it off and walking on his merry way. Whatever. So long as he didn't run into his hormone-driven boyfriend then... things were good, for him and his rear end.

But his joy was short-lived when he felt a sudden chill pass down his spine, causing him to go rigid and stiff.

Oh shit --

He turned around.

And was tackled into an alley way by a snarling Sasuke.

Alley way. Check.

- - -

Uzumaki Naruto was a man.

Uzumaki Naruto was a man on a mission.

Uzumaki Naruto was a man on a mission... to buy the latest volume of Full Metal Alchemist, yosh!

He had personally seen to it that a copy was reserved just for him, but unfortunately someone had lost said copy so he was forced to go to the back of the store to find a copy himself. Naruto frowned as he searched the racks. He couldn't find anything...

And then... bingo!

Naruto grinned widely as he plucked the manga from the shelf and patted it happily. Full Metal Alchemist was to Naruto as Icha Icha Paradise was to Kakashi-sensei. Except... FMA wasn't a porno book. And... Naruto enjoyed it in completely different ways than Kakashi-sensei enjoyed Icha Icha Paradise.

That pervert.

And anyway, who said a Hokage couldn't read manga? It's known (well so Naruto says...) that everyone needs their healthy dose of manga every now and then! He nodded resolutely. But while he was there, he might as well pick up other manga as well. Bright blue eyes darted around conspicuously before he picked out a rather enticing yaoi manga. It wasn't that he was going to buy it... he was just... curious is all! Making sure no one was around, Naruto cautiously opened it and started scanning the pages, his cheeks going from a rosy hue to a bright tomato red in a matter of seconds. These things were graphic!

"What's that you got there?" a rather husky voice drawled out.

Naruto's blood ran cold.

He was caught!

And he recognized that voice!

And he barely got out a squeak when he was suddenly pushed against the wall and molested.

Back of a store. Check!

- - -

Naruto sighed as he sunk deep into the warm, steamy waters of the bathhouse. Aa yes. Now he could finally relax. He had completed all his office work. Indulged in some miso ramen. Sent people off on missions. Sent Sasuke off on a mission (Lord knew he needed rest...). And Naruto was sure his ANBU Captain wouldn't be back until tomorrow at the earliest.

He sighed blissfully once more and sunk even deeper so he was nose-deep in water. He blew out and bubbles popped, causing the Hokage to giggle.

Naruto may be twenty-two, and an adult, and the Hokage of a village... but who's to say he couldn't find pleasure in childish things? Plus, everyone saw Naruto as having the mentality of a ten year old. Maybe a nine year old. Six, even. He was every where in Konoha, and seemingly all at once! Some people were convinced that he used his Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. Whenever they tried asking him if that was the case, Naruto would just blink up at them with confused, bright, round big blue eyes (so big and round and innocently blue) and tell them no.

But those who knew Naruto were not surprised. Sakura would nod knowingly. Sasuke would sigh and mutter a 'hn.'. Shikamaru would say something about how troublesome it is having to chase the Hokage around... And then Naruto would smile and say he loved mingling with his people and talking to everyone he could! He always made it his mission to help anyone in need of assistance (and his secret mission to avoid paper work...).

It wouldn't be far from the truth to say the people of Konoha loved their bright-ball-of-energy Hokage. Some were wary at first, seeing as how he was the Kyuubi vessel and all, but after a while... everyone started falling in love with that happy grin and those just as happy bright blue eyes.

Naruto smiled to himself as he relaxed back against a boulder. The sound of a fountain trickling seemed to lull him to sleep, and his lids drooped over as he settled deeper into the warm embrace of the water. Naruto sometimes wondered if his life could get any more perfect than this, but he didn't think that was possible. He was Hokage. Everyone accepted him (almost everyone; there was always that case of a wandering stray...). Sasuke was his boyfriend.

Sasuke... Uchiha Sasuke...

The freakin' love of his life. Who would've thought?

The life of a shinobi was never perfect, but Naruto figured his life was as perfect as it could get, and he wouldn't have it any other way. He just kind of wished Sasuke wouldn't pounce on him and fuck him every chance he got...

...Aa well. Sasuke wasn't there. No need to worry about being suddenly taken down...

"There you are."

Naruto's eyes flew open. He saw Sasuke standing on the other side of the bathhouse, looking down at him, a towel wrapped around his waist and a predatory smirk plastered on his lips. Naruto gaped.

"Y-you!" He pointed accussingly.

Sasuke raised a perfectly arched eyebrow. "Me."

"Y-you... you weren't supposed to be back until tomorrow!"

"Hn." Sasuke calmly slipped into the water. Naruto started to panic as the raven-haired man glided smoothly towards him. "I finished the mission early."

"I see..." Naruto stammered. He looked around, trying to find an escape route.


The blonde couldn't help but look at him, especially since the Uchiha's voice was so damn dark, husky, sexy and alluring... Naruto gulped when he realized there wasn't that much space between him and his ANBU Captain. When did Sasuke suddenly get so close?

"H-h-hai, Sa... Sasuke?"

And why was it so goddamn hot in there all of a sudden!.? He knew his face was probably a bright red.

And how come Sasuke was staring at him so intently?? Was there something on his face????

Sasuke took another step forward. Their chests were pressed together, and Sasuke leaned even more against the smaller man as he pinned his arms on either side of the Rokudaime's head. Naruto gulped. He started to feel suffocated. The heat of the room and Sasuke being really close to you does that to a person...

Sasuke tilted his head a bit so their lips were scarcely touching. An involuntary shiver passed through Naruto's back when the taller man brushed their lips and flicked out his tongue. He craned his neck around, his nose and lips tracing along a scarred cheek. Those same lips paused near Naruto's ear where he nibbled lightly on the lobe and tugged it.

"Are you avoiding me, Naruto?"

"N-no!" He gasped out when Sasuke lowered his head and started to suck at the crook of his neck.

"Are you sure?"



Naruto didn't have time to protest when lips came crashing down on his.

...Bathhouse, check.

- - -

Naruto may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but after a while, he started growing suspicious.

Wherever he went, Sasuke always popped out of nowhere, tackled him into some place private, and would proceed from there to screw Naruto senseless.

He had been innocently taking a stroll in the park the other day, and stopping to play with some kids, and had been walking off again when he was tackled into a bush. By Sasuke. Where they had hot, passionate sex. In a public place. Where KIDS WERE! And then the day after that, he had been doing his laundry when Sasuke came and decided to screw Naruto some more (this time on the laundry machine. Naruto rather liked that, he had to admit...).

And then, there was the next day wherehe had to go to the hospital to get his usual check-up. After Sakura was done and declared Naruto's cholesterol to be going up and reprimanding him and scolding him and going into a tirade about him needing to eat healthier (to which he nodded along and said he would to pacify the pink-haired woman's wishes)... Naruto started walking down the halls when he was tackled into a closet. And molested by Sasuke.

What was that man's problem?.!

He couldn't even go to the freakin bathroom without Sasuke popping up and screwing him on the nearest solid thing!

Was he really just that irresistible?

...But so what if he was irresistible? Sasuke should have more control than that. Had the years really turned him into a perverted, corrupted, horny bastard?

If so, Naruto only had one person to blame...

- - -

"Thanks a lot, Kakashi-sensei!"

A single, amused eye peered at him from over an orange book. Surely the silver-haired Jounin hadn't done anything wrong? Though Naruto was thanking him (what for, the man didn't know), Kakashi wondered... what did he do wrong? He scratched the back of his neck. His good eye curved closed in the manner that gave off the impression he was smiling.

"Whatever are you thanking me for, Naruto?" he asked pleasantly.

Naruto huffed and pointed an accusing finger at his ex-teacher. "You corrupted Sasuke!"

Kakashi blinked. "Eh?"

"It's because of you Sasuke keeps hounding me and pouncing on me and demanding sex every where! You corrupted him! You lecherous man! I should have you hung from your balls! I should have you castrated! I can't freakin' walk straight anymore! Do you have any idea how much my ass hurts??? And YOU KNOW WHAT? It's all YOUR FAULT!"

Kakashi stared at him, clearly taken aback. He hadn't been expecting that...

The older man rubbed the back of his head some more. "Maa, Maa, Naru-chan... I didn't do anything."

"Liar!" The Rokudaime's tirade wasn't done. His cheeks were flushed and puffed out. His arms were flailing about wildly. He was pacing. "I can't rest! I can't sleep! I keep thinking Sasuke's behind me, breathing down my neck! I'm paranoid!" He paused to look around to make sure Sasuke was no where in sight before he continued. "I can't go anywhere and not worry Sasuke's going to pop up and tackle me!" Naruto rounded on him again. "You did this to him! You forced your perverted ways on him! Sasuke was a good boy! You BROUGHT HIM TO THE DARK SIDE YOU... YOU... EVIL MAN!"

"Mou. That's hardly fair. Accusing me of such things..."

"Because it's true!"

"...What's true?"

They both looked to see the devil himself standing there, his hands stuffed casually into his pockets. He had an eyebrow raised. They both knew him well enough to know the bland expression on his face was also one of curiosity.

"Nothing!" Naruto instantly piped up. He beamed innocently at Sasuke and crossed his fingers behind his back.

"...Hn." Sasuke started to wander off, but stopped and glanced back at Naruto. "Come on, dobe."

Naruto eyed him suspiciously. "...Why?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I just want to walk."

"Okay..." Naruto shot a 'I-hope-you-realize-this-is-all-your-fault' look at Kakashi before following Sasuke very reluctantly.

The silver-haired Jounin watched them leave curiously before his single eye curved in that All-Knowing manner of his. His students were not the same twelve-year-old Genin he had taken charge of years ago, but Kakashi always thought his students were adorable. And to say the least, he himself wasn't that surprised that Sasuke grew up to be a perverted, corrupted, horny bastard. Kakashi knew all along that Sasuke was a closet-pervert waiting to come out into the open...

Kakashi giggled gleefully before heading on his merry way and burying his face in the latest edition of Icha Icha Paradise. He was dying to find out whether Naruko was able to get Saski back from the dark side -- and from the evil clutches of Torochi -- by means of seduction.

Meanwhile, outside of Kakashi's perverted little bubble/world, Naruto was wondering how he could escape from the evil clutches of Sasuke before said Uchiha pounced on him (again). Sure the ANBU Captain was a walking Sex God (Naruto was well aware of that every time he trailed after the taller, more muscular, very hot man and noticed what a nicely shaped firm ass he had; how drool-worthy his arms were whenever his muscles would tense, and how he carried himself...), but Naruto (poor, poor Naruto!) could only take so much (Bless his soul!) sex! ...in a week!

He lost count of how many times Sasuke had cornered him and molested him silly.

Naruto straightened himself resolutely. He was the Hokage; the Rokudaime of Konoha! He shouldn't have to put up with this, and he wasn't going to anymore! He was going to set his ANBU Captain straight and teach him a thing or two about keeping his friend in his pants where it belo --

"Naruto," Sasuke suddenly spoke up. His tone was sharp.

Said blonde cowered (his resolution dissolving instantly). "...Nani?"

The remaining Uchiha suddenly whipped around. Onyx eyes caught azure hues, and Naruto found himself unable to tear his gaze away. Sasuke looked so serious -- not that he didn't always look serious -- and so intense that Naruto found himself involuntarily gulping.

"I'm assuming you want to know why I keep jumping you."

Naruto blinked. It was then he remembered what he intended on doing, so the short Hokage straightened himself, puffed his chest out and narrowed his eyes threateningly at Sasuke. "Damn right I do! I swear, Sasuke, if you jump me one more time I am SO kicking your ass and making you sleep on the couch --!"

Sasuke held up a hand to silence him.

Naruto snapped his mouth closed (but glared at him).

"Naruto," Sasuke said his name again in that same sharp tone, except this time, there was a hint of huskiness that made Naruto shudder. The pale man was suddenly very, very close to the smaller man. "I am on a mission."

Naruto stared at him.

"...and that explains your constant need to fuck me... how...?"

"I am on a mission..."

Sasuke stepped forward.

Naruto took a cautious step back.

"To screw you..."





"...Everywhere I can."



Naruto was suddenly pressed up against a wall he hadn't realized was there, but he was too busy staring at Sasuke in surprise to really notice. If this was any other moment -- any other moment that didn't involve Naruto pinned up against a wall by a feral and horny Sasuke -- Naruto would have laughed. It was much too much for the blonde hearing that from the usually stoic Uchiha, and somehow said Uchiha was able to keep a straight face and say it all in the most serious and yet the most sexy voice possible...

Naruto was suddenly very aware that Sasuke had him pinned up against the wall of the Academy. It was a Saturday. There was no school for the students...

Naruto felt extremely nervous.

Sasuke's lips slowly curved into a devilish grin.

"Everywhere... you can?" Naruto squeaked out. The blood was rushing to his cheeks. It was becoming hard to think when a certain sexy-bastard was leering at him so.

"Everywhere I can," Sasuke repeated, his lips near Naruto's ear, his tone a low, deep rumble.

...Sasuke hadn't screwed Naruto in the school...


Naruto gulped.

Sasuke leered.

Naruto wanted to cry.

(He was thinking of all those classrooms... that hasn't been tainted yet by them!)

Uchiha Sasuke always completes a mission. Naruto should know. He always has to go over everyone's (including Sasuke's) mission reports.

This mission was no different.

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