I've been working on this story for some time, now, and I'm going to post for the hell of it. Enjoy, and leave a review!

9:00 am

"CLASS IS IN SESSION!" Ganondorf screamed in an accent that sounds like an angry Russian immigrant, spit flying across the room. Someone cried.


Mario from then on hated him.

"I am teacher, Ganondorf," he said. "In Melee I pwn all your asses with my 1337 skillzors-"

"Ganondorf stop with the internet speak," Kirby said.

"ARE YOU MOCKING ME?" he yelled, pulling out his axe sword. "Kirby why the fuck are you here? You're the third best melee fighter!"

"Who's second?" Kirby asked.

"Giga Bowser."

"Then can I leave?" Giga Bowser, who could barely fit in his desk, asked.


"Who's first?" Kirby added.

"ME!" Ganondorf screamed. Mario cried again.

"Why am I here, I'm the gym teacher!" Giga asked. "It's a bit humiliating to be in the same class as my nephew."

"Stop touching yourself and maybe you can leave."


"Not yet…" he said suggestively. "Pikachu do you have any questions?"

"Yes, I-"

"NO QUESTIONS!" he yelled, throwing his sword at Mario who didn't escape unharmed.

"What the hell did I do?" Mario asked.


"What the fuck did I do?" Link asked angrily.

"No fucking swearing in school!"

"You're a hypocrite," Link muttered.

"I AM NOT A HIPPO!" he yelled, throwing another sword at Mario and hitting his jugular.


"Okay, any questions?" Ganondorf asked, so calmly it scared them.

"Yes, I-"

"NO QUESTIONS!" He slaughtered the dying Mario.

"Ganondorf, why are you so angry?" Kid Link asked.

"Why shouldn't I be angry?" Ganondorf asked, throwing Kid Link out the window. Everyone else was scared shitless.

"Now today we will begin with short introductions of ourselves," Ganondorf said.

"But we already know-"

"Shut up Game and Watch!" Ganon shot him with Falco's blaster. "Luigi, you introduce yourself first."

"I am Mario's brother-"

"A brother of Mario… AN ENEMY OF ME!" Ganondorf threw a beam sword at him and punched him.

"You're such an angry person," Peach said.


"Why are you so angry?"

"Why shouldn't I be, ja?"

"It's unhealthy," Peach said.

"Health is for losers and gay people," Ganondorf said. "Are you a gay loser?"

"Yes she is," Luigi said. "She cheated on me with Zelda."

"Oh ho ho ho! Giga Bowser stay away from that window!"

"How did you know?"

"I know everything…"

"Ganondorf you're starting to scare me," Giga Bowser said.

"Just starting? Man, I'm really behind this year," he muttered. He threw a bob-omb at a random person.

"OW!" Pichu yelled.

"Now we're done introductions," Ganondorf said. "LUNCH TIME! EAT NOW!" He took a whip.

11:00 am

Link had fought Ganondorf many times before. From Legend of Zelda to Twilight Princess, but this time Ganondorf attacked, he had no choice but to eat lunch as he was whipped by a barbed whip.

"Why must you be so mean to us?" Marth demanded.

"IT MAKES ME FEEL SPECIAL!" He whipped Marth extra hard.

1:48 pm

"I will tell you what we will be learning this month, in ordnung?" Ganondorf said.

"Why do you keep switching between different languages?" Roy asked.

"NO QUESTIONS!" Ganondorf screamed, throwing Roy into a wall. Everyone else was silent. "This week we learn how to walk. Next we jump. Then run. Lastly, crouch. During the last one, I WILL CUT OFF YOUR LEGS IF YOU DO IT WRONG!" He turned to the chalkboard. "Today, you copy pledge I write on chalkboard. If you behind, I SHOVE MATRESS UP YOUR ASSHOLE!"

He began writing, while talking. "I, insert name here, will do as Ganondorf says or face the consequences. If I disobey or mess up in this pledge, he will kill me. I will also shove a spoon up my ass in front of him by the end of the year." He turned around and began walking between the desks, observing. He smacked Link. "WHY DID YOU PUT YOUR NAME INSTEAD OF INSERT NAME HERE?" Everyone else quickly began editing their papers.

"NO ERASERS! You make mistakes, YOU DIE! Simple as that," Ganondorf ended calmly.

"Why are you so mean to us?" Link asked.

"Why shouldn't I be mean to you?" he demanded, carving out Mario's long dead eye and beating Link over the head with it. "Class will conclude at 3:00. Until then, I whip you until you WRITE PLEDGE 2000 TIMES!"

4:00 pm

Ganondorf got out of his car and went into his home. Ganondorf sat at his kitchen table drinking coffee when the phone rang. "WHAT IS IT?" he yelled into the phone.

"My son said you were abusive in class," a parent said.

"Who is your son?" he asked calmly.


"I thought I killed him!"


"NO QUESTIONS! MARIO IS STUPID!" he screamed, spit flying from his mouth. In the background, he heard Mario cry. Ganondorf slammed the phone down and calmly had some coffee.