Author's Note: Random plot came into my head.

At church.

I felt really guilty. Heh. Oh well; I'm going to hell. Anyways, Harry just wanted to tell you something. Here we go.


Dear Rabid Slash Fans;

My hair is not 'ebony,'

'shaggily shaggy,'

or even 'black.'

It's dark brown. And it's just as normal as the next guy's.

(Who Happens to Be Zabini.

Crazy son-of-a-bitch stole my sugar quill yesterday.)

My eyes are not 'emerald,'

or 'blue-green, like the ocean on a perfectly clear day.'

Nor are they 'passionately vibrant.'

They're just green.

Kind of a muddy green, as a matter of fact.

They don't get any prettier with fame.

My body is not 'lithe' and my skin is not

'tanned an olive-brown hue from many long hours of playing quidditch in the blistering sun.'

And just to set the record straight, I do not have

'gloriously defined pectorals that shimmer in the moonlight of the astronomy tower at night.'

I'm just a pale, English, somewhat lanky teenager.

And I swear to Merlin I caught flab on my arm the other day,

Even if Draco swears up and down he couldn't see it.

Which leads me to my next point.

Draco Malfoy is a Wizard. Not a Vela.

Nor is he a vampire, Greek god,

(Adonis? Come on.)

Or having 'torrid incestuous affairs with his father.'

He is simply a Slytherin.

(Albeit a hot one)

An arrogant, attractive teen.

Surely you have those at your schools.

You probably dated one too.

So you have no right to judge, now do you?

So next time you write or read about the

'icily sexy blonde Adonis seemingly floating through the hallways of Hogwarts'

Or even the

'Smoldering emerald eyes belonging to the Savior of the Wizarding World, blazing with lust and endless desire,'

I just want you to keep in mind that Draco and I have a perfectly healthy,

Not emo wrist-cutter, but,

A perfectly healthy relationship.

And we're kind of trying to keep it quiet.

So if you don't mind,

Can you hold off on the slash until the war is over?

It's kind of distracting, as it gets Draco off.

You can imagine trying to choose between saving the world

And getting head from Draco Malfoy.

Don't make me choose; I know what I'll pick.

Hornily Yours,

Harry J. Potter

P.S.: Besides. Hermione's starting to catch on, anyhow.

I think she likes it.


Author's Note: Haha, If you were expecting usual TruestBlue stuff, sorry you're disappointed. I did end my first big story, though, 'Call it a Love Story'. Go to my profile, check it out, review. I'm trying to get 200 reviews!

And review this, too, while you're at it.

Have a wonderful day,

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