Author: Monica

R: M

Summary: everything is wrong since you went away... and i feel sad, mad and ...

A/N: It's just a drabble. Nothing more. I needed to write something to relax myself. This is not beta-ed. All mistakes are mine.

And if you have to leave ... I wish that you would just leave... 'Cause your presence still lingers here ... And it won't leave me alone

Sometimes late at night I, still wonder, why i let her go. Was i afraid? Was i a fool? The answer to all the questions my mind pops out every midnight is yes. Suddenly i don't feel anything yet i know i'm alive. She's like a ghost that fills my room completely. And at that precise moment i find it difficult to breathe. There's no space for my heart which is beating faster than it should do. I get anxious, i'm sweating and her memory is suffocating me.

I left my window wide open. The cool midnight air breeze helps me return to life. I hear sirens not far away... after all this is the city that never sleeps. The moon is high in the sky, shining in all its glory, reflecting in this NY street. Some rays of light enter my room and rest on her side of the bed. The emptiness, the lack of her body filling that space makes me feel more miserable than i was the night before. And everyday it gets worse. I lie down on my side and i bury my head on her pillow. I swear i can still smell her in it.

It's been two years and i still can't sleep at nights. She gave me a second opportunity at love and, though hesitant at first, i took it sure that it would last forever. But it didn't. The same way i lost Claire on a Tuesday morning, i lost Stella on a sunday night in the arms of a killer. It was totally my fault. I left her alone in an insecure crime scene without no protection, without me. A killer has no respect for human life so, that man took her life away. That man took her away from me and i let her go. I didn't do everything that was in my hands to save her and worst of all, i lied to her. The last words i whispered to her were "Don't worry... everything's going to be alright".

But everything is wrong. I feel sad, mad, anxious and she's not here to tell "Don't worry Mac... everything is going to be alright".