Disclaimer: I deny any and all possession of the characters featured; no one would be sane if they were truly mine. Oh yes, the nursery rhyme I based this on is not mine...are nursery rhymes illegal here, too?
Three men in a tub;
And who do you think they be?
The butcher, the baker,
The candlestick maker,
They all jumped out of a rotten potato!
'Twas enough to make a man stare!"
I didn't know if this could pass off as a romantic comedy.
I should be very ashamed of myself right now.
"Ohhhhh, I am taking a bath, a sudsy, sudsy bath," Jaden sang off-key, scooping a handful of bubbles and tossing them into the air, "the first one I've had in a month and a half!" Which was true.
Despite the lack of consistancy for bath time, he'd enjoy it nevertheless. But when he ever got around to it, it was never under the intention to get clean. Oh no, more rather, he'd spend all his bath time playing with the bubbles.
Scooping up some more suds in his palms, Jaden proceeded to pat it all upon his face, as though creating a short, square beard, complete with a mustache.
"Ahem," he coughed to adjust his adolescent voice to a lower, deeper tone, like that of an old man. "This is Chancellor Sheppard speaking, students! And I am here to announce that from now on, we are to eat cake with all our meals! The kind with chocolate filling in the center and decorated with Snickers!" He closed his impersonation with a fit of giggles, as bath time was also when he liked to pretend he was one of his friends. At least, no one would be there to scold him.
Immediately, he shook off the bubble beard and was now sculpting a bubble hairdo upon his crown. A broad hairdo that was twice as unruly as his own, with spikes protruding in all directions.
Jaden tweaked his voice once again: "The name's Chazz! I'm gonna Chazz you up, Jaden, you slacker!
Heh, heh, slacker...that Chazz," he chuckled.
Just then, his mirthful games were interrupted by a knock on the door. "Jaden! Are you in there?" a voice called from beyond it.
"Whoa! Uh, yeah, Syrus! Just takin' a bath!" he grinned sheepishly, holding up two fingers.
"About time! You were starting to reek almost as horribly as Hassleberry!"
"I beg your pardon, soldier??" another, more deeper voice entered the conversation. "You callin' me stinky??"
"Yeah, and what of it?" Syrus retorted. "You do stink, dino skull!"
A sweatdrop formed upon Jaden's crown. Oh dear, there they had gone again, waging yet another petty argument. Believe, these two were still his close friends, but sometimes he could not help but suspect that often the pair would be fighting...over his friendship.
"Um, guys, can I have just a little privacy in here?" he spoke up. "I'm trying to take a bath, and I'd appreciate it if you both-"
"What's that, Sarge? You need something?" Hassleberry exclaimed eagerly, or perhaps a smidge too eagerly."A towel? More bubble bath? A glass of grape juice? Anything at all??"
"Hey, you listen here, Hassleberry!" a furious Syrus snapped. "Jaden's my best friend! If he wants something, I'm fetching it for him! Got that?"
"That's a lotta talk comin' from a fried shrimp puff!" Hassleberry barked."You just want Jaden all to yourself, don't ya??"
"Oh, contrare! I'd say you're the more selfish of the two of us!" Jaden heard the stamping of a raging Syrus foot. Something in his guts told him that they were about to do something off-the-wall, as they always did.
Suddenly, he heard stomping about, and what sounded like...the shedding of clothes?? Oh man...what could those two possibly be up to, he wondered.
Just then: BAMMMMM!!! Down went the door, practically off its hindges! And whom else pranced into the bathroom but two silly boys, stripped clean of every last bit of garment from their bodies!!! Hassleberry marched in first, but not without little Syrus attempting to shove him into the rear.
"WWAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! What're you guys doing??!" Jaden shrieked, shielding his eyes. "Get outta here!! And put some clothes on!!"
SPLAAASSSSSSHHHH!!! SPPLLLIIIIISSSSSSSHHHH!!! Jaden had protested in vain. In less than two seconds flat, one for each boy, they had both cannonballed into the soapy waters, having it all splatter across the linoleum.
"I got soap in my eyes!" cried Syrus, rubbing his two wide peepers with his knuckles ferociously.
"Baby! Here, Jaden! Let me wash your hair!" Hassleberry offered, pulling a struggling Jaden near to squirt bluish goo from a plastic bottle into his messy hair. As he proceeded to message his scalp, it felt as though he was really aiming to turn him bald.
"No way! I'm doing his feet!!" shouted Syrus, grabbing a brisly scrubber with one hand. With the other, he reached to yank poor Jaden's feet into the air to give its heel a thorough scrubdown, until practically all the skin was obliterated.
"Ahh! Ow! H-hey, cut that out, guys!!" Jaden fought to break free from their grasp. "I like hanging out with you, but I just wanted some Jaden-time!! And I feel- yowwwch!- kinda violated at the moment!!"
"See, dino head?! He said you're violating him!" Syrus stopped to shoot an accusing finger at the dinosaur boy.
"Noo! He was adressin' you, shrimp puff!!" Hassleberry roared."I'm sorry, Sarge! Is he hurtin' you? Take this!!"
"Ahhhh! Puh-tooey! What the heck, Hassleberry?!? You splashed me!!"
Syrus fired back: SPPLLLAAASSSSSSHHH!! Unfortunately, he had missed his target by a mile, and assaulted Jaden with a wave of suds in his stead.
"Yyyyaaaahhhh!! Ahh, ptt, ptt, tooey!! Hey, hey, t-take it easy, will ya?! You guys are scaring me!!"
Immediately, old Hassleberry did something utterly and entirely unexpected: he went and hugged him!! He had blindly snaked his bulky arms around Jaden's torso and was constricting the living daylights out of him!! Why, if you were there as a witness, you would've seen poor dear Jaden's face transform into a purple hue!
But of course, feeling left out, little Syrus slid directly over to Jaden's other side. "Hey, back off! He's mine, you dino head!!" Not a heartbeat too soon, he locked his long twigs for arms around Jaden's neck, only to suffocate him further!
"Acckk! Uhhh...three guys naked in the bathtub, hugging...this...is sorta awkward," Jaden gagged. "Umm...can you guys get outta here now?"
"He's my best friend!" Syrus yanked Jaden closer to him.
"No way, he's mine!" Hassleberry yanked back. Before you knew it, the two were engaging in a sudsy tug-of-war. Over the poor lad between them.
Ahh, but that was not the end. As another dorm mate of theirs, one Chazz Princeton, was popping in, red in the face with fury. "Hey, you slackers! Can ya pipe down?? I'm tryin' to get my beauty sleep here! What the heck are you guys doing in here that requires so much racket!?"
Heaven knows why Chazz decided to go as far as peeking into the bathroom. But, he did, only to regret so afterwards. "Hey! Moe, Larry and Curly, what are-"
He froze, eyes widened into the size of soccer balls, as he laid them on the queer scene in front of him: the three stuges, all in a row, sitting nude in the bathtub, embracing the other.
"Errr...hiya, Chazz??" Jaden held up a free hand to wave his fingers.
Well, can you guess what Chazz had done then?
In a stunned stupor, he...got a vicious nosebleed.
I have just corrupted an innocent nursery rhyme...for shame...