Disclaimer: Mario doesn't belong to me… yada yada… but the ideas do… yada yada…

Author's Note: This is my first time writing Engrish, so if I get it wrong I'd appreciate some nice suggestions for improvement. Anyway, if you've played Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga then you may have noticed that although the Koopalings were present, they didn't speak at all. It got me wondering, and this story was the result. So please, R&R!

Who's Your Daddy?

"Cackletta! Er, I am meaning Bowletta! I am having the information that you are wanting!"

'Bowletta' winced. When she took Fawful under her wing he was nothing more than a feral Bean wandering the forests of the Beanbean Kingdom. The great witch had immediately spied the child's evil genius, and promptly started nurturing it. She only wished she had spent more time teaching him proper English.

"About time," she huffed as Fawful flew into the room using his headgear. She preferred her old body, as Cackletta she was a feared witch, as Bowletta s/he was a freak of nature. But she was still someone to be feared, and inside she was still Cackletta, and when life gives Cackletta lemonade, she makes lemons.

"I am being sorry at my slowness, but the cruiser of the Koopas is being very damaged, and the data banks are having the uncooperativeness of a dog who is needing a bath because he is stinky. I HAVE FURY!"

"Yes, yes, now get on with it," grumbled Bowletta, she deeply resented the fact she only had one henchman, forcing Fawful to do everything slowed down her plans immensely.

"Yes O Great Cack- er, Bowletta!" shouted Fawful, whisking out a stack of papers from under his tattered red cloak. "Since you are possessing the body which is Bowser's, and he is being the King of the Koopas, we are going to take over his army of vastness, which will be the icing on the cake of doom we are baking for the Beanbean Kingdom!"

"I already know that!" growled Bowletta, "I asked you to figure out how we're going to do that."

"I am knowing this," muttered Fawful, upset at his master's negative attitude to his dramatic buildup. Bowletta called down a bolt of lightning, Fawful managed to jump out of the way, but his papers were burnt to a crisp. "The papers of researching!"

"That's what you get for muttering," called Bowletta cruelly. "Now tell me what I need to know – you do remember what you were going to say, right?"

"I am remembering," said Fawful, "and the news is being good, because the soldiers of Bowser were being disloyal once before, when his castle was attacked by the sword of the man who is named Smithy."


"Smithy, he is being from another dimension."

"So he took over Bowser's army in the past…"

"No, he kicked Bowser out of the castle, which is being his own, and the army which are Koopas were joining him, like geese-"

"Okay! I get the picture," interrupted Bowletta, regretting burning up Fawful's notes, and being forced through his verbal presentation. "How did Bowser get the army back?"

"The fink-rat Mario caused the destruction of Smithy," hissed Fawful.

"Well he won't destroy us," said Bowletta confidently. "But are you sure we won't have any problems?"

"Welling…" began Fawful, "although the one who is Bowser's second in command has the vacation, the children of Bowser are still being in one of the castles that are his, and I am not knowing which one."

"How many castles does he have?"

"He is owning three in the Land which is Dark. The one being in the North is where most of his troops are being stationed. He also has the castles of flying-"


"I say to you 'yes'!"

"We'll have to use those, or at least one."

"A most wonderful idea, O Great Bowletta. Not even the fink-rats Red and Green will expect us to be attacking in a castle which is flying!" Fawful started cackling, and Bowletta joined in.

"Eya ha ha!"

"He he he he he!"

"Eya ha ha!"

"He he he he he!"

"Eya- Wait!"


"If Bowser has kids, what about the Queen of the Koopas?"

"No one is knowing, she disappeared."

"She probably got tired of being hitched to a lout like Bowser," snorted Bowletta.

"That is what many are saying."

"What sort of information did you find in that data base?" asked Bowletta skeptically. She doubted that what Bowser's minions said behind his back was in his ship's archives.

"The information that is coming from the diaries of the crew!"

"You mean all your 'info' is gossip!"

"No!" sputtered Fawful. "O Great Cackletta-"


"-Bowletta, please be understanding of me! The information I have been presenting you is coming from the actual data of the ship, it is only the speaking of the crew behind the back which is Bowser's that is coming from the diaries. The diaries of Zesty Ranch Sauce that brings flavor to the tacos of the army of rage that is Bowser's, but soon will be being our taco of fear!"



The Koopalings walked through the halls of the Northern Castle, eyeing the muttering guards mistrustfully. Bowser was apparently back, but he had not sent for his kids, and this worried them. So they decided to go to him themselves, in case he was hurt or upset. Although it was dangerous for most of his underlings to be around him at those times, his kids were another matter entirely. But, just as a precaution, Wendy was carrying her youngest sibling, Bowser Jr. – no matter how mad the King of the Koopas was, he would never hurt his hatchling son.

However, the looks the Koopalings were receiving from the guards were unsettling to say the least. The guards seemed to know something that meant bad news to the Koopalings, and were trying to hide their glee. Apart from Bowser, no Koopa Troop members liked the Koopalings, not even Kamek. Everyone found them irritating, childish and destructive, which they were, especially since their mother vanished shortly after laying Bowser Jr.'s egg.

Bowser, on the other hand, was very proud of the ruin the Koopalings created, but when they entered the throne room, it wasn't their father sitting in the throne.

"Vat is going on? Who are you!" demanded Ludwig.

"Eya ha ha!" cackled the disturbing creature. She looked a bit like a Dragon-Koopa like Bowser, but with a hideous face.

Beside her floated a native of the Beanbean Kingdom, and he didn't take kindly to his master being addressed that way. "You shall not be talking to the Great Bowletta like that!"

"Oh yeah? When King Dad's away Kamek's in charge, and when Kamek's away, Kammy's in charge, and when they're all away, Ludwig's in charge! And he's in charge now so he can talk to you however he likes!" chattered Morton.

"I'm afraid not! For your father is in fact here in this castle," said Bowletta, sneering at the Koopalings.

"What?" exclaimed Roy. "Grrr, Pops would neva let anyone sit in his throne-"

"Yeah! Not even us!"

"Shadup Morton!"

"Both of you quiet!" scolded Wendy, not wanting her rambunctious brothers to make a scene in-front of the invaders.

"But Roy's right," mumbled Larry. "King Dad wouldn't let her sit in his throne, so-"

"So whadya do with him?" growled Roy.

"FOOLS! I AM YOUR FATHER! EYA HA HA!" proclaimed Bowletta.

"No you're not!" said Iggy.

"Yeah, you're a girl," added Lemmy.

"O. M. G! Don't tell me Daddy got a sex-change!" gasped Wendy.

"Vat? Zat's crazy," said Ludwig, shocked his sister could think such a thing.

"Man, I knew Dad was upset about mom, but this is ridiculous," said Morton, shaking his head.

"No, you're ridiculous, Fazzer did not get a sex-change, and zat is not him!" exclaimed Ludwig exasperatedly, pointing at Bowletta.

"Yeah Luddy's right," agreed Lemmy.

"She's not even the same species," observed Iggy.

"She's just a crazy old woman," continued Lemmy.

"I AM NOT!" shrieked Bowletta, "I am Cackletta! The Greatest Bean Witch of All Time!"

"I thought that guy said your name was Bowletta," said Wendy, pointing at Fawful with the arm that wasn't supporting the sleeping baby Bowser Jr.

"My name is 'Bowletta' – now that I am possessing your father's body!"

"Ohhhh, now I get it, you are King Dad, but not," said Morton, ecstatic about figuring out the conundrum.

"What!" shouted Wendy, ignoring Morton's latest ramblings. "You possessed Daddy! That's WORSE than a sex-change!"

"No it isn't" said Lemmy and Iggy at the same time.

"Okay fine, it's not as bad, but it's still gross!"

"Totally," they agreed.

"Yeah! And I'm gonna stop it!" shouted Roy, dashing towards Bowletta.

"You are being mistaken!" shouted Fawful, swooping down and knocking the Koopaling back to his siblings.

"Grr, stupid Bean!" he said getting up.

"Stupid you for running off vizzout us," chastised Ludwig. "But no matter how fast zee Bean is, vee can beat him togezzer."

"Eya ha ha!" laughed Bowletta. "Beat Fawful, maybe, but you'll never beat me!" with that she sent eerie purple lightning shooting out of her hands and zapped the Koopalings. The seven older ones all stopped moving and stared blankly off into the distance. Wendy's arms dropped to her sides and Junior fell to the floor, the landing woke him up with a start and the infant promptly started wailing.

"Urgh! Get that annoying baby out of here!" Bowletta ordered Fawful.

"Yes, O great Bowletta, but, what should I be doing with the other brats of Bowser?" asked Fawful, who had to use all his strength to lift Bowser Jr. into the air (since he was the almost same size as the infant).

"Leave that to me," said Bowletta, her eyes glinting mercilessly. Fawful laboriously flew out of the room, the guards were kind enough to open the door for him. Bowletta was very pleased, most of Bowser's guards joined her without question, just as Fawful had predicted. A few had been unsure, because unlike with the Smithy incident, the Koopalings were there, in the same castle, and although all the guards quickly learned to fear Bowletta's awe-inspiring power, they already feared the Koopalings' own destructive powers, and were caught between a rock and a hard place.

But now that hard place was about to become much softer. Bowletta laughed as she looked down at the seven remaining Koopalings. "Come forward," she ordered, and thanks to her latest spell, the Dragon-Koopas had no choice but to obey. "Good, now I want you to report to King Bowser's flying castle parked beside this one, and wait inside. When the Mario Brothers attack, I will send for you to battle them. Understand?"

"Yes," said the Koopalings monotonously, they might as well have been zombies, for all the spirit they had possessed was sapped away by the curse. But this worried Bowletta: she needed the Koopalings to be in prime condition to fight the Mario Bros.

"Okay, from now on I want you to act normally. But, you can't speak and you must obey every order I give you. Understand?"

The Koopalings nodded, but in different ways, some like Ludwig gave full nods, while others like Roy stiffly dipped their heads forward. Their personalities, for the most part, were back.

"Good," leered Bowletta. With the Koopalings acting relatively normal, she could tell the troops they willingly handed power over to her, and that would surely solidify her rule. Also, it should pacify the few individuals who worried about Bowser regaining control of his army and making his soldiers pay for once again betraying him. After all, it would appear that Bowletta tamed his children single-handedly, something he could never do himself.

"Eya ha ha!" cackled Bowletta. "With the Koopa Troop I am sure to take over the Beanbean Kingdom, and destroy those pesky plumbers. Then, I can take the Mushroom Kingdom, and who knows where else. I will get so powerful, that everyone will have no choice but to follow me, even if I am not possessing Bowser. Eya ha ha! Queen Bean, nay, the world will rue the day anyone tries to stop me again! Soon, they all shall know the true power of the great Cackletta! Eya ha ha! Eya ha ha ha ha! EYA HA HA HA!"

The End…