Elena wants to name the baby Adam.
I don't think I could handle that. Every time I hear her suggest it, my heart aches.
The name Adam makes me remember when I was young. Sunday evenings, Maman reading the bible to my sister and I. Reading the story of Adam.
The first man. The first one created. The first one born.
He was the first.
The child Elena carries is not my first. He is my second child.
My first son is dead. But I can't tell Elena this.
I can't tell her that the bosses at my job had killed my little baby. My child. I can't tell her that I'm married to another who bore me that child. She can't know anything. She's in the dark. Every day, I come home and lie to her.
My life is made up of lies.
And Elena wants to name the baby a name I can not bear.
I have no right to tell her no. One day I will be gone. Section will be finished with Vachek and they'll take me away. I'll never see this child again. He's not really mine. He's Elena's. She should get whatever she wants.
Even if it sounds like she knows I'm deceiving her every time she says the name she chose. Even though it's a name that means my first. Is that betraying my child, no longer here?
I torture myself with these thoughts, but I know in the end that it doesn't matter. Adam doesn't really mean 'first'. It's just a story. It doesn't have to mean only that.
Even so, I'm all grown now. I no longer believe in fairytales or Gods that create first men in the name of this new child.
Section has taken everything from me. One day, it'll take Adam. And then I won't care what his name is. He'll be just another person I once loved more than life itself...and then lost.
It's the story of my life. This is what Section has done to me.