(I do not own SVU. I know the line's are not accurate I took them all from memory)(Lyrics by: Fuel-Shimmer-)

Tittle: The Shimmer in the darkness

She calls me from the cold
Just when I was low, feeling short of stable
And all that she intends
And all she keeps inside, isn't on the label
She says she's ashamed
And can she take me for a while
And can I be a friend, we'll forget the past
But maybe I'm not able
And I break at the bend

Tears rolled down her eyes as she said goodbye to the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. She was leaving and she didn't even have the chance to say I love you. Now . . . now she could never get the chance to say it . . . The chance was now, she had to tell . . . she had to say I love you . . .

Her thoughts were broken by Elliot's voice . . .

She looked in his eyes.

"Witness Protection."

"Until Velez is extradited or other wise . . . dealt with." Alex said looking away from Elliot's eyes. She couldn't stand the hurt in his eyes. She then focused on Olivia, which was even harder. She was on the verge of a break down.

"How long."

Alex shrugs, unable to give an answer. Her emotions getting the best of her . . .

"Where on the move. Sorry folks. Move them out." The federal marshal said looking at his watch.

Alex glanced at the marshal . . .

She had to say it. She had to say how she felt. It's now or never. Who knows when she'll see any of them again . . .

"Ms. Cabot we have to go."

"I know I just . . . " She struggled to find the right words. " I just . . . I–."

"Ms. Cabot . . . "

Alex couldn't do it, not like this. Not in front of these people. Not like this . . . She took one last look at them then got in the car, tears flowing . . . The car door closes. Alex closed her eyes as the SUV pulled off . . .

We're here and now, but will we ever be again
'Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade
Away again

She now sits in her new "home," alone. Her friends gone, her life, her family . . .

What was she to do, she had nothing? Nothing except a new life she didn't want to live. Sure she had a home, a cat, a job, a new name, new everything, even a new love interest. Love? Love is not what she would call it. Platonic love. You can say, but is it even that?

Alex got up from the couch and took hold of a wine bottle her new love interest gave her. Love? Was it? ...

"I can't love, not in this life time . . . "

She dreams a champagne dream
Strawberry surprise, pink linen and white paper
Lavender and cream
Fields of butterflies, reality escapes her
She says that love is for fools who fall behind
And I'm somewhere in between
I never really know
A Killer from a savior
'Til I break at the bend


It's been long, to long since she left. She never said how much she cared. Maybe now she can after all she was back. Back in New York, back where she belonged.

Alex walked inside the office, she was so familiar of.

Olivia and Elliot turned toward her.

"Alex." Olivia whispered...

"You Didn't had to come back."

"I know, but who else was going to keep you out of trouble." Alex said smiling.

"Before everyone gets reacquainted, there waiting for us in court." Casey interrupted, obviously irritated.

She left the room.

Alex looked at Elliot.

"She's nice." Alex said in a sarcastic tone.

"She reminds me of you." Elliot said grinning.

"I'll wait for yall to outside." Olivia said walking past Alex, not looking in her eyes.

"Im glad im here Elliot, I've missed both of you."

"I know we've missed you to."...

Alex sits in a chair across from Elliot. They had just finished a game of Backgammon.

"I should be trying the bastard who shot that little boy." Alex said in frustration. She wanted to be the one that put that guy in jail for what he did, to her as well as Antonio...

Her thoughts were broken by a knock at the door. Elliot quickly got up, and pulled out his gun. Slowly walking towards the door.

Alex stood up.

"El its liv, open up." Olivia's voice came from behind the door.

Elliot put his gun away, now convinced. He open the door to see Olivia standing there. Olivia entered greeting Alex in the process.

"You get your beauty sleep, I'll be back 8:00 sharp tomorrow morning." Elliot said while getting his things.

"Goodnight." Olivia said as he left...She shut the door behind him.

"He beat you again?" Olivia asked even though she new the answer.

"Like a rug." Alex said smiling.

Olivia smiled taking of her jacket. "You wanna play again?"

Alex shook her head sighing. "I wish these windows would open, I wanna smell the city."

Olivia walked over to Alex. "You mean the rotten garbage and the diesel exhaust."

Alex looked at Olivia. "Wisconsin is so quite, sometimes when I get homesick, I hum the Mr. Softy song." Alex said showing a weak smile.

"You made any friends?" Olivia asked. Almost immediately she wish she Didn't, seeing the hurt in Alex eyes.

"There's this claims adjuster in the insurance agency where I work, we've been seeing each other."

Olivia looked at Alex. Was this man the person that made Alex happy? Was she happy?

"He thinks im from Tulsa, and when we are in bed, he whispers my name...Emily."

Olivia could see the pain in Alex face, the hurt in her eyes, the regret...

She couldn't take it. The pain, he hurt...

"Its hard to be someone your not." Olivia said.

Her words hit Alex to close to home. Its like Olivia was looking in her soul. Olivia was right, it is hard to be someone your not. She Didn't want this life, she Didn't want to hide, she Didn't want to be Emily, she Didn't want this...

"Liv'... im living a life I don't want to live. Im living a lie."

"I know but, you had to go, you had leave–."

"No liv I... Even before this. Before this I was living a lie."

Olivia looked at Alex obviously confused.

Alex felt tears rolling down her eyes. Her secrets were to painful to tell...

We're here and now, but will we ever be again
'Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade
Away again

Alex sat on the court room bench after testifying, waiting for the verdict.

She admits, Casey is a good prosecutor. Alex thought of the comment made by Elliot.

Her thoughts were cut off by the juror that stood up. The verdict was in...


The words kept coming. All counts, guilty.

Alex smiled. She wanted this. She was happy, or so she thought...

Casey Novak and Elliot walked in the room greeted by familiar faces. They won, they had put the man in jail. They had given Antonio and Alex there life back...

Olivia came in the room, obviously happy. Carrying a bottle of champagne .

"Lets get this party started." Olivia said shutting the door behind her and smiling.

"Alex knew just how to push Conner's buttons." Cragen said.

Olivia smiled. "Well she's a great prosecutor."

Cragen nodded his head in agreement. "Yeah and you gave her the ammunition."

Olivia looked at Cragen taken aback. Could he have known about the files she had shown Alex.

Her thoughts were broken by footsteps outside of the door.

Every one's attention focused on the door.

It open and there came in agent.

Olivia looked surprise as did everyone. No sign of Alex.

"Where's Alex?" Olivia asked.

"Marshals are moving her and Antonio to new identities. She asked me to say goodbye, especially to you detective stabler."

They couldn't believe it. Alex was gone again.

Elliot looked away, on the verge of tears. He couldn't believe it. She had just got here and now she's gone...again.

"She also wanted me to give you this detective." He said looking at Olivia. He gave her a letter.

She took it.

The man left, leaving everyone to ponder.

Olivia wiped the tears away from her eyes. Opening the letter she lean on the table behind her...

Her eyes widen as she read the letter...

To Liv'

If your reading this it means im gone. I left without telling you goodbye. I know how hard it is to not say goodbye... Liv remember when you came over and you said that it was hard to be someone your not. Well your right. Im being some one im not. As im writing this im trying to find the right words. The right words to tell you how I feel...I guess the right words is simple. 3 little words that means a lot. I love you. I've always loved you and I still do. I...I care so much for you. I wanted to tell you this a while ago, when I first left but I just couldn't... I feel like a coward for not telling you this in person. Please realize that I don't want to hurt you. I just...I love you more then anything, more then anyone. I fell in love with from the start but I was just so afraid. Afraid that you wouldn't love me. You probably reading this and thinking of a way to let me down easy. I know that you had many men in your life but, it really doesn't matter to me. Not anymore. Because Liv' I just cant stop thinking about you. Even when I was in Wisconsin, I thought about you each and every day. I dreamt about you each night. I just don't know... Honestly the reason why I dint do this in person is because of my fear of you rejecting me. I Didn't want to get hurt. I Didn't want any of us to get hurt...Well I guess I Didn't succeed. Look liv' I love you. I want you to be here with me, but, I know that you cant. You probably wouldn't want to be here with me anyway. Well, I guess this is...Goodbye

Love you always,


It's too far away for me to hold
It's too far away...

It's too far away for me to hold
It's too far away..

A year and 3 months later Olivia found herself in her house flipping threw magazines and eating her food.

Her life was good. Great actually, she actually met someone. Someone who knew her field of work and was ok with it... Everything was good...

She continued looking threw her magazine. Waiting for Peter, her fiance, to get out of the shower... Suddenly there was a knock at the door. She put her magazine down and slowly walked to the door. She open it, expecting one of Peter's brothers. As she open it, she saw that it wasn't. It was a woman.

"Can I help you?" Olivia said not recognizing the raven haired green eyed woman.

Tears rolled down the woman's eyes. "I waited so long for this moment, liv its me. Its Alex."

Olivia froze, hearing Alex voice. It was in fact Alex.

"Say something liv, anything. Talk about my new hair color, talk about my contacts, talk about anything. Just...please say something." Alex said crying.

She couldn't say anything, she couldn't do anything. What was she to do?...

The pain on Alex face the regret she just couldn't take it. She couldn't...


"Shut-up." Olivia finally spoke, tears also running down her face. "Shut-up, just shut-up and kiss me." Olivia said breathlessly.

They shared a passionate kiss.

Alex, finally being where she wanted to be. With Olivia.

We're here and now, but will we ever be again
'Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade
Away again

Olivia forgetting everything but this moment. That was until she heard Peter getting out of the shower.

She pulled away. Now fully aware of what was taking place...

"Um...I, I cant do this. I want to but I cant."

"Liv' I know how upset you might be but–."

There conversation was cut off by the presence of Peter. He walked in the room half clothed, wearing jeans, drying his hair. "Is that Rodney liv?" He asked. Not being able to see since he was drying his air with his towel.

Alex looked at the younger man.

Peter finished drying his hair and looked up.

"Oh Didn't know you had company liv, sorry about that. Im Peter Haynes by the way." He said extending his arm toward Alex.

Alex looked at him obviously bewildered. She ignored his greeting.

Peter put his hand to the side. "Or not." He said.

Alex tried to hold in the tears but it was to hard for her. She had to leave she had to...

Alex turned around furiously leaving. She was upset, she was confused. She was in pain...

"Alex!" Olivia called out to her.

"What was that about." Peter asked.

Olivia looked at him. "Look I, I got to go."


"I have to go ok, ill be back in time to see Rodney, I just..." Olivia Didn't finish her sentence, she was to busy getting her jacket and keys. She hurriedly left, leaving Peter to wonder...

Olivia ran after Alex. She caught up with her just in time. Alex was getting in her car. Olivia called out to her.

"Alex, please, please let me explain." Olivia said out of breath.

Alex turned around, face to face with Olivia. Tears coming down.

"You don't need to explain anything liv'. I honestly do not blame you. Its been a year. Really liv you don't need to explain." Alex said, not sounding hurt.

"Alex, im so sorry." Olivia said on the verge of tears.

"Don't be, I waited to long to say that I love you." Alex said taking Olivia hand. "A ring? So your engaged."

"Im so sorry."

"Don't, don't apologize for anything. You don't need to. You have your life, and your living it. I don't want to deprive you of that. I want you to be happy."

"I want you, you're the one who makes me happy." Olivia said, now crying.

Alex shakes her head. "No, he makes you happy not me. Don't give up on him on my account. Im not worth it liv'. Im not."

Olivia was so overwhelm by her emotions, she couldn't speak.

Alex brought her lips onto Olivia's. Kissing her softly.

"I love you." Alex whispers in Olivia's ear.

Olivia closed her eyes. Savoring this moment.

She could feel Alex hands on her body. She could feel the passion.

"Just don't ever forget me."

Olivia open her eyes. "I'll never forget you Alex."

Alex wiped away Olivia's tear.

They shared one last kiss, closing the gap between them.

"Dream about me Alex." Olivia whispered as they finally parted.

Alex smiled. "Always..."

"I guess.." Olivia trailed off.

"This is goodbye."

Alex smiled, getting in her car. She took one last look at Olivia and drove off.

Olivia stood there until she could no longer bare the silence...

It's too far away for me to hold
It's too far away...

It's too far away for me to hold
It's too far away..

End Chapter: