Bleeding Pain, Part Two
The knife was heavy in my hands. The sun flitting from behind the clouds glinted and glittered off the sliver. I had cut apart a steak with this knife last week.
Would it be sharp enough to cut through my own skin? Over the years objects had penetrated my skin- rocks, splinters… teeth. Surely this knife could cut through me and cut through my pain.
I sat next to my bed and traced over the scar James had given me only months ago. I could remember the feeling of Edward saving me just to break me later. The way my skin had been suctioned into his mouth and the way my veins had been pulled close as the blood was emptied from my arm. I could remember the look Edward would get on his face every time he saw the scar, I had thought he was frustrated with himself for not getting to the studio in time, but maybe he was disappointed that he had saved me at all. Maybe he wished he had gotten this burden that I was off of his shoulders more quickly.
And it clicked. That's what I was. A burden. Not only to Edward and his family, but to everyone, even my own family. If Charlie wasn't at work he was checking on me, or calling therapists, psychologists, doctors, even Mom. At some point I had come downstairs and saw the phone book open and the few numbers of hypnotists were circled. Did Charlie really think there was a cure for what I was feeling?
Oh, there was a cure all right. A very final one.
But, even before Edward I was such a burden on Charlie, he had been living a fine life her in Forks and I forced him to have a teenage daughter 24/7. When had I become such a monster?
The blood was red and dark, it was thick and yet spilled so easily out of the opened scar. I had flinched when the sharp tip pulled the cold white line of skin a part, but only out of reflex. I had been right. There was no pain, just a comfortable numb feeling.
My fingers were wet from the blood dripping over them and tight from the lack of blood inside. I gripped the rubble handle. I pushed the blade into my other arm. The line was jagged. Not only from lack of coordination with my other hand but from lack of control the blood loss caused. But the skin pulled away easily. The blood pooled slowly on the floor. I could feel my head getting dizzy, it was harder to keep my head up..
Edward, my mouth was heavy, voice weak and slurred. It was getting harder to breathe. I was blacking out, how long had it been since I made the first cut?
A half hour?
More than that?
Slumped on the floor my arm near my face, the blood floating around it. Would the floor be stained after I was gone? Would that be left there as a constant reminder or would it be covered up? Would this room be locked up and left as is? Or would people rifle through my stuff trying to figure out what had led me to do this? They would find no answer, I didn't keep a diary and even if I did they would be unable to read through my chicken scratch handwriting. Would Charlie move? Would anyone want to move into the house where the beautiful but bizarre Isabella Swan lived and died?
Charlie had stayed here after Renee left. He had stayed here with the memories. Would he want to remember me or would he grieve and be sad or mad and then put me in the back of his mind and continue with his life?
Isabella! Oh no, I couldn't be hearing things. I felt the floor move with someone's foot steps. Oh God, I didn't want Charlie to find me like this. I didn't want him to find me alive. Was there still time to save me? How much longer did I have? I couldn't be saved. Either way I was dead. At least this way I would be free from the pain.
Bella, sweetheart, open your eyes. It wasn't supposed to happen like this, it wasn't supposed to happen at all.
No! Edward couldn't be here. He couldn't come back here and tell me more lies.
Oh, Bella! I didn't think you would do this. This wasn't supposed to happen.
Edward's arms were around me, my heart was pounding a rapid beat from loss of blood and from fear of Edward. Was he here to finish me off? Or was he here to tell me more lies and make these last few moments more unbearable?
My vision was blurred now, like a screen had been placed over my eyes.
Oh God, there he was. Even through my blurred vision I could see his jaw tight and eyes dark. He was in pain.
And I was glad.
He deserved to be in as much pain as I was. He deserved to die, but of course I couldn't help that. Nothing could kill a vampire, nothing human at least.
But if he wanted to sit here and pretend he cared, if he wanted to sit here and suffer through t enticing aroma my blood created, then so be it.
Maybe he would feel some guilt through out his abnormal life span. Guilt that his words and actions had ruined and ended a young girl's life.
Or maybe he wouldn't. My breath was growing shorter. Maybe this had been his goal the entire to time, to ruin my life and come back and watch me die-
he was sobbing. dry tearless sobs racked his body and mine in one single motion
Bella, Isabella, no, sweetheart, please. Be strong enough please.
his hands were at my neck now, i could feel the pressure not the cold our temperatures were synchronized now
I can changed you, just say the word. Oh, Bella, why?
with the last of my strength i turned my head away from him
Oh Bella, darling. Look at me.
his voice was hoarse now and i was glad i was glad he was hurting himself to hurt me
it was coming soon i could tell the end would soon be here and Edward could move
he could find some other girl to fixate on and ruin he could tie up some over naive girl in his beautiful lies
i wish i could give them some warning tell them to stay way from the beautiful bronze haired evil angel tell them to not fall for the demon
avoid him like the flu that had brought him to his current existence
his hands touch my face limp with the final moments near
his eyes are peering into mine wishing for something
Oh, Isabella, I love you.
and i look at him and take a breath
"You can't save yourself with a lie."
It's not a lie.
AN: So, does Bella die? That's really up to you. Personally, I think she does, she's really lost too much blood for the venom to be pulled through her system.
I had a few of my friends read this and one of them is rather confused, you guys do get that Edward really loves Bella and she has just convinced herself of the lie... right?