Summary: Beaver-centric. Spoilers for the last episode of S2. His thoughts just before jumping off that night.

Hey! I never thought I'd be doing a Beaver-centric fic... My first Veronica Mars fic so go easy on me. I'm in a pretty angsty mood so I wrote this. Some lines are based on a personal experience. Not the suicidal thing though. : Just some things that I just needed to let out. :

Enjoy! Oh, and please review!

Disclaimer: I don't own Cassidy, Veronica, Logan or anything related to Veronica Mars.


They say when you die, your life flashes before your eyes.

You have no idea if that's true, but you're pretty sure you're about to find out.

They're telling you not to jump, not to jump.

Jumping would mean you die.

And you know that even if they tell you not to jump, in their hearts of hearts, they believe death is the punishment you deserve.

Maybe you deserve it. Maybe you don't.

The wind whips around us now. It's cold.

Whose fault is this? Suddenly you're at Point A, then all of a sudden you're at Point B.

The worst part is you don't know how you got there and how you don't know how you're gonna get back.

You could always blame Woody.

It would be so easy to do so, to blame everything on a bad childhood experience that has traumatized you for life.

Has caused you to do things you never thought you were capable of doing.

Just to protect a secret.

A secret that is now exposed and out in the open.

At least for the two people standing in front of him.

You could always blame your father.

He didn't care for you much, expected you to do better and better, pressured you and expected you to be like him someday.

He had high hopes which you knew you could never reach.

Because of him, you never got the attention, the caring, the nurturing all children deserve.

Without the proper guidance, you have committed so many crimes, so many unspeakable atrocities.

Just to protect a secret.

Or maybe Dick.

Big brother.

He never looked out for you. He thought of you as a nuisance, nothing more.

He was a bad influence.

Influences that made you do so many regrettable things.

And for what?

Just to keep a secret.

You can hear the cars below and at the edges of your vision, you can see red and yellow lights.

Funny, they're beginning to look like flames.

Heaven and hell.

You were never much for religion but you have, like many others before you, have wondered about that concept.

Pondered on it many a night when your conscience started to catch up with you.

Where did you go wrong?

It would be so easy to blame others for your own mistakes.

So easy to say that you didn't know what you were doing.

But you can't blame others for mistakes.

You can't say you didn't know what you were doing.

Because you did.

Their eyes are pleading with you now. It's an odd mix, you think.

Pure hatred for what you've done. Hoping you'll jump.

Understanding and hope for redemption. Pleading you won't jump off.

You've got two choices now.

What's it gonna be?

Staying would mean you have to face the consequences of your actions on mortal terms. A trial, jail, possibly a death sentence.

Pros: You live. You can redeem yourself.

Cons: Your life as you know it will be over.

Jumping would mean you have to face your consequences of your actions on His terms. Eternal condemnation, a long stint in Hell.

Pros: You won't have to deal with those you hurt. It will all end.

Cons: You're in Hell.

What's it gonna be?

Then suddenly it hits you. It shouldn't have taken this long but it has.

Sometimes when you change, everyone around you notices it before you do.

Sometimes everyone around you gets the answer before you.

It's your fault. No one else is to blame, only you.

Your choices.

Your decisions.

Your actions.

Your consequences.

All of a sudden it hurts so bad inside of you. Guilt perhaps?

Fear that you may never be able to set things right again.

Maybe you will. Maybe you won't

Clock's ticking Beaver. What's it gonna be?

Your mind is whirling now. Emotions running through you, making you rather light-headed.

Like you can't bear to stand anymore.

Like you just want it all to end.

You've made a compromise.

One last question, one word, will determine your fate.


Why should you stay?

Why do they not want you to stay?

Why do they not want you to jump off this building at this very moment?


All you need is a reason to live, even if it comes from someone else.

After all it's a start.

They have no answer. They just stare at you without an answer, slowly but surely comprehending the same thing that is running through your mind right now.

They say when you die, your life flashes before your eyes.

Looks like Cassidy Casablancas is about to find out.


Thanks for reading and please review!