Disclaimer: I do not own lfn

Shadow

With the palms of my hands cooling on the chill counter, I leaned over and watched the operatives go about their business from the perch.

My perch.

My empty, silent perch, the only sound inside is the noise of my rapid breath.

The weeks pass so slowly. The loneliness excavates empty holes in my heart and soul as each long day dies to make way for another. It's the slowest death ever known to man.

I should know, I live in a place best known for it's torture tactics and the cause of many terrorists' deaths.

The only thing that keeps me clinging on is a wild hope. The last words of the only person I care about left in this world.

Years had passed since we stood in that train station, saying our tearful, rushed goodbyes.

Do you know, lost out there somewhere unknown to the world, that I still wait for you, Michael? That I still have the faith that one day, you will come back for me? To take your rightful place here at Section and in my heart?

But the hope only helps to drag my heart along the ground I walk and make those days as slow as they are.

No amount of work or play can cure the length of the years that must pass until you return.

Meanwhile, I stay lost myself. Sometimes I'll be in the middle of a briefing. Or maybe a casual call from a friendly suck up operative. A phone call from Section or on Comm. And I'll forget where I am. Who I am. What I'm doing. And no one can call me back. Lost, to everyone. Sometimes I find myself amazed that they didn't consider me insane and create a mutiny against me. I can't say I'd blame them.

A beep and a voice calls through the speaker by my side. I'm being called away. But I'm not ready to break from my thoughts of you just yet. Though I never am.

One more moment is all I need. A moment drowning in my fantasy that tells me the years are fading away fast. It won't be much longer.

Meanwhile, all I have to do is find the justice of what I have of you with me. I look up at the artificial light that floods the small room. I stare at the shadow on the floor and offer it a small smile. A shadow by my side. Shallow and quick to disappear as soon as I leave the room, but still, it's by my side now.

I try to justify being left with only a shadow of your memory. Being left with nothing but a hopeful promise, spoken out of sadness. Trying not to hope too hard, lest I must anger myself at being so selfish to take you away from your current family.

The thought of your anguish at doing so destroys the hopeful mood. Remembering the call, I start to walk out of the room and watch as I walk further, your shadow by me disappears back in to where ever in the world you are now.

I wish you all the happiness in the world. And I wish the day would go faster so I may spend the night dreaming of your face.
Goodnight, Michael, in case you're already fast asleep. Dream of me tonight and stay far away from the pain you so often suffer.

When these years finally pass, you'll find me here, still waiting for you to fill your shadow.

-K.S.-