AN: Gahh. So I was reading over the last chapter and I found like four grammer mistakes. Now I'm not a grammer Nazi or anything but it bothers me when there are really obvious mistakes that authors (like me) should have caught. So if you are, in fact, a grammer Nazi, then I apologize. Oh, and I'm going away for a week for spring break plus I have a ton of homework, so it may be a couple of weeks before the next update.
Chapter 2 Getting Into Character
Emmett's scream (which could only be described as girly), was abruptly cut off by a loud crash as all the windows in the house blew out. Edward yelled and threw himself at me, and above his head I could see little shards of glass raining down. If I wasn't scared of getting cut, I would have said it was quite pretty actually. When it appeared that all 43 windows in the house had been destroyed and there was no longer any chance of danger, Edward tentatively let go of me. I looked around in shock. Esme's beautiful furniture was covered with little bits of glass and twigs from outside, and I could only imagine what she'd do to Emmett when she found out.
The deathly silence was broken by a snicker. I looked around to see Jasper standing in the corner, picking a clump of dirt out of his hair. I stared at him quizzically. Although Esme probably wouldn't blame him for this I wouldn't exactly find it funny that this house was practically ruined. "Dude," Jasper said smirking. "I think we can safely say you have broken the record for the highest-pitched scream ever."
Edward gaped at him, then a smile broke out on his face too. "Dude, I think you're right!" he exclaimed. He jumped over the armchair in the middle of the room and ran over to give Jasper a high-five. "Man, we're gonna be rich!" They ran off in the kitchen to find the number for the records office and plan their next move. I looked over at Emmett to see how he was taking his new-found fame, but I couldn't see him anywhere. "Um…Rosalie?" I asked tentatively. She looked at me and seemed to know what I was asking. Glancing out the now glass-less window, she said, "He'll be back."
Meanwhile, Alice was seething about what this incident had done to her plans. "ATTENTION!" she roared. I fell to my knees and covered my ears. All the DVDs fell off their rack by the destroyed TV. Books dropped off the bookcase and I could hear the unused plates and silverware rattling around in the cabinet in the kitchen. For the second time in ten minutes there was dead silence as the house slowly resettled once again.
"Man," Rosalie muttered. "We're going to have to shop for a new place to live soon."
Alice continued her tirade. "I WOULD BE SWEARING RIGHT NOW BUT THE AUTHOR DOESN'T WANT TO OFFEND ANYBODY." She paused to take a breath.
"Alice, you don't need to breathe," Rosalie reminded her.
Alice threw her the single most evil death glare I have ever seen in my seventeen years of existence. "It's for dramatic effect," she said snottily, and took another deep breath. "SO ANYWAYS, GET YOUR DERRIERES IN HERE. STAT!"
Edward and Jasper peeked around the corner, and I could hear whispers to the effect of "man, go in there" and "no way dude, she's your wife." Their debate was halted momentarily as Emmett made his grand re-entrance. Doing a dive-roll through the window, he back-flipped over the couch, leaped onto the TV, and struck a pose looking quite like a male underwear model. Not that I knew anything about male underwear models of course.
"Ladies," he sang out, looking towards the kitchen. "Time to come out." I looked at him and slowly inched backwards. A minute ago he had been vehemently opposed to this game, and now he seemed almost…enthusiastic? Frankly, I was quite scared. Alice, though, was unfazed. She beamed at Emmett and seemed happy that somebody wanted to have fun.
Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Dudes," she said. "Come out already. You guys are such wusses."
That made Edward and Jasper appear in the living room in a flash. Striking poses much like Emmett's, they said, "We're not wusses, we're MEN."
I giggled. "You didn't seem very manly with Mr. Snookums the other night."
Jasper dropped his pose and looked at me. "…Mr. Snookums?"
"Yup," I said brightly. "He's my teddy bear. I have pictures in my wallet. Wanna see?"
Everyone crowded around me to see my blackmail against Edward. I showed them a picture of him cuddling Mr. Snookums while gazing at the camera with such an adorable look on his face. He was smiling with the cutest little pout, and you could practically drown yourself in his wide eyes. As one, Jasper and Rosalie fell to the floor and rolled around in laughter, while Alice simply gaped at it. Emmett had not yet left from his post atop the TV and seemed to be staring blankly at the wall.
"Bellaaa," Edward whined. "You weren't supposed to show anybody that."
I winked at him. "Sorry dear." I was about to go over to give him a kiss when suddenly the picture flew out of my hand. I looked at Rosalie who was shoving it into her back pocket. "Thanks Bella," she said. "I could really use this."
Edward roared and started chasing her around the room. He would have gotten her too, except for Alice. "HALT!" she exploded. "Not that this isn't cute and all, but we are going to play this game if this is the last thing I'll ever do!"
Meekly, Edward turned and saluted her. "Yes ma'am".
"Boys," Alice began, but she was interrupted by Jasper. "We're MEN."
Alice rolled her eyes. "Okay. Men and Edward, go get into costume."
Edward was about to protest, but Alice glared at him and shouted, "NOW."
He opened his mouth and looked at me, but thought better of it and went up the stairs.
Alice grinned and let out a maniacal cackle. "TO THE YARD," she bellowed.
Rosalie and I glanced at each other and trudged outside behind Alice.
"Okay," she began. "This is what we're gonna do."
(3.5 hours later)
I sighed and slowly slumped to the ground. After three and a half hours of preparing the "battle scene," we were finally done. I didn't know exactly what kind of look Alice was going for here, but it was supposed to be some kind of mushroom place. Some kind of mushroom kingdom, I think. Personally, it seems lame to me to rule over mushrooms. I mean, I would rather rule over broccoli or something, but Alice was running the show, and she had refused all my ideas from "Asparagus Kingdom" to "United Anchovies of the World".
There was a clapping noise from behind me and I turned around. Alice was grinning from ear to ear as she surveyed her work. "Perfect," she breathed.
At each end of the yard was a tree Alice had managed to uproot and replant. Between them were three platforms suspended in midair. When I asked Alice how she got them there, the only response she gave me was, "Everywhere, the Force is." I made a mental note to burn all of her Star Wars DVDs later. Also in midair were these brick blocks with a picture of a mushroom on them. "What are those for," I wondered out loud.
"Are you kidding me?" Alice asked. "They're mushroom blocks. The guys hit them and mushrooms come out."
I looked at her, puzzled. "Hit them with what?" I asked.
She groaned. "Have you never seen this game before?" Looking at my face, she took that for a no. "They're supposed to hit them with their heads."
I waited for her to say she was joking, but she never did. I looked back at the "battlefield". I was sure glad I'd never played this video game. It seemed rather painful actually.
Just then, Rosalie walked up. "Hey Alice? Why is there a moat? Mushroom Kingdom doesn't have a moat."
Alice looked back at her with the most condescending look I have ever seen. "Are you questioning my artistic genius?" she whispered in a deathly quiet voice. "I want a moat so a moat there shall be."
Unfazed, Rosalie said, "Whatever," and went to sit on one of the mushroom blocks. Suddenly she jumped back up again and squealed.
"Rosalie?" I asked. "What's wrong?"
She glared at the mushroom block and peeled something off her butt.
"It threw a mushroom at me," she hissed.
"Well that's how it's supposed to work," Alice said back, amused.
Rosalie gave a harsh roar, and I thought I could see smoke coming out of her ears. Literally. I thought her hair was actually about to catch on fire. Alice saw this too and said hurriedly, "Okay, I think we better get the guys out here."
Rosalie calmed down a bit, just enough so that she wouldn't have to go around for the rest of eternity with singed hair. Muttering a stream of profanities, she led the way back inside.
"Okay children," Alice called out chirpily. "Who wants to come down first?"
"Ooooh I do!" exclaimed a voice from upstairs. "I look totally hot right now."
Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Okay Mr. Egomaniac. Just get your butt down here."
Humming a composition he had made just for this moment, Edward strolled jauntily to the top of the stairs, and struck a pose for five seconds so we could get a good look at him. I must say, he really did look hot. Those leggings fit him perfectly and you could see every line of his well-defined muscles. The tunic was just tight enough over his chest, and due to its length, it was apparent that Edward had a really nice butt. And the hair. How to describe the hair? The cute green cap was arranged just so, and held his bronze locks perfectly in place. And his boots were positively—
"Hey Bella," Alice interrupted my reverie. "Do you mind? You're drooling."
"Yeah," Rosalie chimed in. "Look at this." And she held out a bucket full of my…spit.
"Oops," I said sheepishly. "Here, let me go water the plants." I made my way outside and dumped the bucket over Esme's beautiful pink geraniums.
As I walked back in, Edward smirked at me and picked me up, going over to the couch and sitting with me on his lap. "I take it then that you approve of my outfit," he whispered in my ear. I leaned back to kiss him.
"Whoa! PDA! Not cool guys," Rosalie exclaimed.
"Yeah," Alice agreed. "You're breaking the house rules."
Edward looked at them skeptically. "We don't have house rules."
"Yeah we do," Rosalie pointed at a sign above the door. There were two rules listed there. Number 1 read "No bikini waxes are allowed through this doorway," and Number 2 said "Edward and Bella are not allowed to have Public Displays of Affection while in this household."
"Hey!" Edward shouted, outraged. "What about the two of you? You're just as bad."
Alice grinned. "We know."
She was about to continue but I interrupted, contemplating the sign. "Why would you guys need a bikini wax?"
Edward shuddered and muttered under his breath, "You don't want to know."
I gaped at him. "You're not saying—"
"Yeah," he said, avoiding my eyes. Changing the subject and turning to the stairs, he called out, "Yo Jasper, your turn."
Suddenly, flower music blared out of the stereo. You know, the type of music that plays on TV whenever somebody is skipping through a field of daisies with this look on their face like they're high. Flower music.
Jasper pranced to the top of the stairs, and true to his promise from, he was indeed very cute. The yellow of the suit blended in perfectly with his golden blonde hair, and he was adorable, much like a baby or a golden retriever is adorable.
"Awwww," Alice cooed. "Who's the cute little Pikachu?"
"Pika!" Jasper responded brightly.
Alice ran over and pinched his cheeks. "I think you're cute too!"
Rosalie made retching noises in the background. "Jasper, dude, you're being a total wuss."
Jasper glared at her and electricity began to crackle out of the red dots that Pikachus have on their cheeks for some reason.
I examined him closely. "How did he get the costume to do that?" I mused out loud. I reached out to touch it, but Edward pulled me back.
"Are you crazy?" he hissed. "You could get electrocuted, especially since Jasper doesn't seem completely sane at the moment."
Jasper would have turned on Edward, but luckily, Alice saved him by pulling out a massive Poke-ball. "Okay let's see Emmett," she said hastily as she stuffed Jasper inside.
The lights dimmed and the song This Is Why I'm Hot blasted out of the stereo.
"Um…Emmett," I called upstairs. "I don't think this is really appropriate music for a little princess to be listening to."
"Stuff it Bella," he shouted back. "I'm working with what I have here."
Looking thoroughly embarrassed, Emmett tripped his way to the top of the stairs and stood on the landing.
AN: I was going to put Emmett in here too but I didn't have enough time and I wanted to get an update out before break. :)
By the way, who doesn't like SpongeBob:
F is for friends who do stuff together
U is for you and meeeee
N is for anywhere anytime at all down here in the deep blue seaaa!
or my personal favorite verse:
F is for frolic through all the flowers...
come on guys i'll give you a cookie if you sing with me :)