He had been sent for. But I still don't know how I'll go through with this. My heart weeps for the situation I find myself in. More so, it weeps for Michael.
Yes, he may be a killer. An efficient murderer. He deceives and lies to everyone, including myself.
But in this, he was completely innocent.
Yet he'll be the one to pay.
What was once Section's finest, has been ruined. I, myself, ruined. He worked hard for his reputation. Everyone will know of his sacrifices and disobedience. They will not cherish it like I do. Nor cry in the middle of the night, knowing what must happen because of it.
Yes, I've spent many, many a night awake and crying. Even when still encircled in his arms, while he slept on, unaware of my traitorousness.
He was always so good to me. So wonderful. I've never known anyone that could compare. He always assumed I was innocent. He took my word. He didn't doubt me.
And for his loyalty; for his love, I must stab him in the back. Let him know that he was a fool for loving me.
I never meant this to happen. I only wanted to help. To change Section. To make it better for the good of the recruits and abeyance.
But the situation has turned against me. And in turn, against Michael.
No one had ever trusted me with anything. Never in my life, has someone looked me in the eye and said, 'I trust you completely.'
Michael had. He entrusted his life, and his son, in my care. He trusted me utmost, when he admits to never trusting any one. I'm the only one who holds that.
And look what I've done with it.
He's going to come in here. He'll see that I've lied to him. Not over the few days we were away. Not for the months we've been so close to each other.
But for years, I've lied to him. For years, I've let him hold me in his arms. To install faith and trust in me. To allow him to learn to love me, even after I knew of all his grief.
The thought alone threatens to shatter me. I don't dare let my thoughts wander to how Michael shall feel. I know I won't be able to live if I put too much thought in to it just now. There would be plenty of cold, silent nights for me to do that.
I have to face him. Any moment now. I don't know how I'll keep my composure. I've managed to see him by myself. I had hope that perhaps, if he didn't see me with Mr. Jones, behind a glass wall, it would be easier for him. If he'd see only me, he'd sense that it wasn't all a lie.
Funny, how those words come back to haunt me in this hour. For years, I made him guilt over lying to me. But I remember, while drifting in and out of consciousness, his soft kiss as he told me that not all the sweet things he had said were a lie. After the hours I grieved from his disloyalty to me. He had made up for it.
But I had turned around and did the same thing. It was my turn to utter those words. For my heart to break as it reaches out to him in crumbling hope that he won't turn me away, knowing full well that he should.
I'm not so sure seeing him alone was such a good idea anymore. I stare at my hands - they're trembling terribly. My knees wobble so that I can barely stand. My throat is so dry that I wonder how I'll be able to speak at all.
I need to pull myself together. If I don't, I'll fail both Michael and Mr. Jones. If I fail Michael, there won't be a hope for me to live after this. If I fail Mr. Jones, I'll be dead before the day is out.
I only wanted good to come out of this. I only wanted to change Section for the better. To help the lives of the operative. To keep new recruits from going through the hell I had to, and countless others before me.
In hopes that Section would never be able to ruin anyone else like they had Michael. They'd broken and shattered him, to the point where he could barely keep together the seams of being a human being. He was like a wounded, abused wild animal, trapped in an overruling, too small cage. It wasn't fair. It wasn't humane. And I wanted it stopped. I have seen the results. I've fallen in love with a man that bears scars that are buried just too deep. It's heart wrenching.
I never wanted it to be this way. But it's come to this. And now, I know what I must tell him. To top off everything he must be thinking of me right now, he's going to walk in here, and I must give out his sentence.
Before I came here, Mr. Jones gave me a thorough speech. No matter what, I had to go through with the orders.
The orders that Michael must die for the love he proved was the utmost importance.
I don't know how I'll get around them, but these orders can not stand. I won't allow Michael to die. I just haven't figured out how to prevent them. But I've always found a way before. Michael and I, we kept each other alive this long. I've betrayed him, ruined his reputation, but at least I can find some way to let him keep his life.
"Michael Samuelle has arrived," the operative says through the comm.
He's here. It's time to face my fate.
The doors open, and I see his green eyes stare solidly back at me. I hold my breath as he walks forward.
My mouth opens, and words manage to flow while my thoughts still work on my alternate plan for him.