Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek Enterprise, or the characters involved.

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Trip: I'm pregnant again! I knew I shouldn't have had that Andorian ale!

Malcolm: ...So who's the father?...

Archer: Trip, what have we told you about sticking your hands in random shining rocks?

Trip: I swear captain, no rocks this time! By the way Malcolm, it's yours.

Malcolm: Not even in your dreams Trip.

Phlox: He's correct Trip. The child is in fact mine.

Archer: Trip, how could you not know, I've told you a hundred times, one at a time!!

Trip: But half the time I'm drunk! Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go blow up, but not blow up, it's all a conspiracy!!!!

T'Pol: Does it really matter whose child it is?

Trip: Of course, how else would I know who should be paying child support? Oh yeah, I still haven't gotten that check from you for David.

Malcolm: If you don't mind, I'm going to go lock myself in the armory and shoot anyone who disturbs me...and the gun won't be set on stun!!!!!!! -running away-

Trip: Malcolm, will you be my midwife?

Malcolm: No. -shoots and misses-

Hoshi: Travis and I feel left out. Travis says he'll be the midwife.

Travis: What!?!? No I didn't!!!

Trip: Excellent!

Phlox: Good news! You're not pregnant!

All: Hooray!