A/N: I have none, except that I didn't even know idea where this idea came from.

Summary: It pained him. To never have such warmth of love and yet to know its meaning, to ask it over and over, always getting the same answer. He realized that it's not always what it means. ONE-SHOT on Gaara's life.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto


Pain of Realization

The sand rose from the ground, surrounding him as the tags fired and exploded with a BANG.

"I believe she loved you so very much."

As the sand settled, he thought of what his uncle had said, and closed his eyes to remember more clearly.

"Its automatic perfect defense is a proof of maternal affection."

What was the thing he learned from tonight?

"Your mother's will remains in the sand to protect and watch over you. To protect you from any danger."

He looked to the ground, breathing out heavily, his heart thumping in his throat and his blood singing in his ears.

"Although it doesn't bleed, this part hurts the most."

But what did it mean?

"Bodies bleed upon physical injuries and they may look quite hurtful… but eventually the pain will wear off as time passes, and they can heal faster with medical aids."

Was it the feeling that he felt so sure he had felt before?

"What are more serious are emotional scars. They are the hardest to heal."

That the warmth that he felt when his uncle had said he already had 'that' feeling, was that true meaning of it?

"Physical scars and emotional are a bit different…Unlike physical one's, there's no ointment for emotional ones."

His simple conclusion:

"And the pain may never go away."

No.

"There is only one thing…"

It was just hate, formed and molded to the shape of what he thought was 'that' feeling.

"That can stop such heartache."

The sand shot through the air into the corner of his forehead, cutting through the pale flesh.

"However as inconvenient as it may seem…"

The sand withdrew slowly back into the earth, carrying it the blood of the boy.

"This cure can only be given by people other than yourself."

He traced the scar on his forehead, the thing that marked him.

"Well? Didn't you say you were going to kick my ass?"

The pain was never caused by it though.

"I loathed everyone…I couldn't understand what I was or why I existed as a hated being."

His hand went to his chest where his heart lie buried beneath pale flesh.

"And then I learned why."

It ached there.

"But I found those who found my existence…pleasing and pleasurable."

It hurt, as if a black hole was sucking it into its unknown depths.

"That's why it kills me to think about how it used to feel."

It hurt, and there was no treatment he could use to make such pain go away.

"That pain is not usual…it's pitch black hell."

Why did it hurt so much?

"For this reason I can sympathize…"

What was the pain that scared his heart so much, cutting its wounds deeper each time?

"To them, I'm a relic of the past they wish to erase and forget."

The world around him was dark, pitch black as the night sky without its stars and moon.

"Then why am I alive? Why do exist? When I first asked myself that…"

The air blew slowly and he remembered the day when he discovered that childhood is not always full of sweets.

"I had no answer…."

He knew that from the beginning. No childhood in this world was full of happiness. If there was, than there is no more splendid world than this one.

"Why…is he so strong?"

He peered down at the Village-Hidden-in-the-Sand, Suna, as the sun settled behind the hills of endless sand.

"I felt like this about myself…no…I had no other choice than to think of myself this way."

He pulled his cloak closer to himself. The night breeze was already creeping into the air.

"And I realized that this feeling is the most painful…"

He could hear the sound of children running into their homes, greeted by their mother.

"It's to realize…"

"Kazekage-sama…Your sister, Temari-chan, wishes you don't stay up too late tonight. The meeting is tomorrow."

"Your existence is not wanted in this world."

"Alright," he replied.

"The pain of being alone is not an easy on to bear…"

The air blew, rising the sand from the ground, dancing around him and combing its finger's through his blood-splattered colored hair.

"Your feeling…why is it…"

He raised his hand, summoning a small amount of sand and swirling it around in his palm and stared into the distance.

"That I can understand your pain?"

He dropped the sand from the rotation, the sand falling into his palm, slipping between his fingers.

"Hate, sadness, and even happiness…"

He clamped his hand into a fist, making the rest of the sand fall to the ground.

"To be able to share it with another person."

The sun vanished behind the hills of endless sand.

"That…I can understand a little better."

He pulled his cloak closer to him, keeping inside the warmth. But never the warmth he always wanted to grasp and keep.

"It makes you feel happy and full…complete..."

But the only warmth he every had was from his father's icy glare and his sand.

"It's love."


A/N: THAT took forever! I had to go to Naruto Manga Returns and flip to Gaara's childhood, his fight with Naruto, the time jump flashback when he was talking to his brother of being Kazekage! Arg! It took for every going back and forth to get every word that everyone I needed to say. Well…Thank you for reading and review