Hey guys! Im back!

Well, decided to go for a Cloud/Sephiroth this time. However. Will start off Cloud/Zack but will change.

Remember what happened to Cloud and Seph during my KH fic? Well if not I wont spoil it.

Decided to make a multi chappie fic based on Clouds time in Soldier with a few biiiiiiiiiig twists and turns. Leading up to well...dont wanna spoil it!!

This first chapter is just dialogue. Basically just Cloud talking to himself...or us...we dont wanna make him look crazy!

I hope this kinda intrigues you to read on...when i update hehehehe

Enjoy my lil intro to the fic. Chapter 2 will be away back to the day Clouds been rambling on about!

191026 xx


Have you ever had one of those days where you wake up just wishing you hadn't? Ever woke up wishing you were still dreaming? Ever woke up just knowing in ones bones that nothing is going to go right? When it does begin to go right you waste it all by sitting around wondering when something or someone's going to come along to fuck it up.

Well, I assure you that it happened to me. I woke up that morning knowing everything would turn to shit. I remember back then. Just turned 16. A man in my eyes. Moving on. Growing up. Leaving home. Sometimes I wish I had stayed in bed and missed the bus that day but other times I am thankful, even grateful for everything that happened.

I remember the last of my teenage years. I remember the faces, the people, the friends, the enemies. I remember my travels with my friends. I remember significant deaths. Then nothing.

A darkness. A black hole in my memories if you would. How many years I have forgotten I don't know. What transpired in those years away from home I haven't the slightest clue.

Now? I remember waking up. I remember not too long ago isolating myself from the world. I shut myself away from my friends. I shied away from life. I refused to accept anything. I couldn't accept they were gone. It was my fault it happened. Everything was my fault back then. Their deaths were begun by that chain reaction of me waking up that morning when I was just 16.

I remember being chased. Hunted. Hunted like a wild animal. Their fervour was unrelenting in finding me. Finding their mother. I remember standing in the barren Midgar ruins. Piercing Aquamarine eyes glaring into mine. I remember that first charge of blades then nothing. We were pulled from our blood thirsty trance by fate. A fate set years previous. Yet another path which opened when I woke up that morning.

Now, here I sit trying to fill in the gaps in my life. I cannot remember many things. Some gone totally others shrouded in darkness. Each day I come that little bit closer to finding out my past. All of us do the same thing. We sit and help each other. Each offering pieces of his memories in the hope one of us will benefit from these precious long gone memories.

If only I had done things differently….but….if I had I probably wouldn't be as happy as I am today. I wouldn't be surrounded by those I love and who love me in return. I guess there's no point in dwelling in the past but when it is so closely bound to every aspect of ones future its hard not to. If I had done thing differently I may have ended up with the one other who stole my heart but….that was never meant to be.

Even though in happy now. I still sometimes find myself thinking. Should I have woke up that morning? Should I have been late? Should I have paid more attention to that male who showed me genuine love? Or was I right in being on time? Losing my breath on contact with him? Facing up against him thus surrendering myself to my own burning desires?

Losing many memories in the process.

What price can one pay for a memory?

Hmmmm, what price indeed. I wanna continue this fic. I already have a few good ideas in my head. As usual if you fancy reviewing great. I respond to contsructive critisism. I dont like flames. they burn and make me sad.