It's a lot scarier than I ever thought it would be. Of course, I had no idea it was going to end this way. How could I have? It was all so unexpected; it was all so sudden. But I assume that's how death is. Even for the ones who have been dealt an unfair hand in life and know that death is coming for them.
Fear of death is normal. And rightfully so. I don't care how strong someone thinks they are. There is always a flare of fear right before the hollow, black oblivion that is death consumes them. Right before it ends. The flare doesn't have to be large. Hell, it doesn't even have to be fear for your own life that is rapidly coming to an end. It could be a fear for those around you, the people you love and cherish.
How will your death affect them?
That's what I find myself wondering in my last moments on Earth. Even as the warm, sticky liquid that is my blood slowly spills from the corners of my mouth. Even as my lungs begin to collapse and my heartbeat weakens. I find myself not wishing that I could prolong my life, to stop this sudden change of events, but rather that the people who held me in such ridiculous importance, the people I loved and who loved me back, that they could move on. That they wouldn't let my death delay them, wouldn't let it hold them back physically and emotionally. And, most importantly, they would learn to love again and accept that fact I was gone, never to walk on the face of the Earth again.
Even my beloved Edward.
No, most importantly Edward.
As I cough up another mouthful of coppery, tangy blood, I lock eyes with him. There is no sign of struggle in his eyes, no glimmer of temptation. Just pure agony. My heart clenches painfully as I mutter the most painful words I have ever spoken in my entire life. I caught the look of disbelief that fluttered across his seraphic face. His eyes widened as the realization of what I was asking him sank in. His golden eyes flashed violently from anger to hurt in a matter of seconds, darkening at an incredibly fast rate. I tried to muster enough energy to finish the rest of my sentence, but only blood, not words poured from my lips.
"Bella, no," he breathed, the despair in his musical voice cutting through me like a knife. My heart tightens again as does his hold on my hand. His free hand is touching my face, stroking my bruised and bloodied cheekbone. I can't look away from him, even as the sorrow creeps into his now onyx orbs. Again and again, I try to get the words out, but no words are formed, only gurgles from the blood trapped in my throat result in my attempts.
His eyes never left mine. I could already see the loneliness sinking into his eyes. My heart tore.
The fear was beginning to surface. My breath quickened. The thought of Edward alone and miserable for all eternity inflicted more fear in me than my own impending death. I knew I would be the reason of his infinite unhappiness, for all the loneliness he was going to experience for the rest of his very long life, for the misery that he was bound to carry with him whenever he went. My heart began to thud rapidly in my chest. I wasn't sure I could responsible for that. I had to be strong for him. I had to make it through this. But there was something about our locked gazes that signified it; that this was the end. My breathing started to slow and my heart rate decreased. The blood spilling from the corners of my lips was drying and I grasped his hand as tightly as I could.
The fear was replaced by guilt. An endless amount of guilt that would follow me, even in death.
A/N: I'd love to know what you think, so drop a review!