Oh my God. I don't know where this came from. It literally took me from 12:45am to 12:55am to write. And I don't even like the couple.

I can't breathe. And I'm having sex.

Strong fingers clutching my windpipe, cutting off my air and my blood flow efficiently...

I can't breathe.

I'm dizzy. The edge of my vision is black.

My fingers and toes are numb now, and I can still feel him moving in me, but even that is fading.

I can't breathe!

No no no, help me, you're killing me! Let go, stop, I'm going to die

But the fingers, digging in and leaving marks, also stop my voice. No one can hear me scream. No one can hear me beg like this, hear me lose control, hear me surrender…

Yes, yes, more, more, I can't feel it, harder, now I can but I'm numb all over…

The fingers disappear. Sensation returns in a wave, and I realize how much I really can feel and how much it's starting to ache and it's too much.

I still don't have enough air in my lungs for screaming. But if I did, I would.

And then it's over and he's pulling out.

"Are you alright, Akito?" he asks, too gently to be the same person as the fingers that I can still feel in the bruises I'll have.

I can't talk, but I am. I'm better than alright. I feel… more in control of myself. Yes. This is good.

And then the only man that will ever see my weaknesses leaves.


I love you.

Let's do this again sometime.