A/N: This is meant to be funny, please don't take it the wrong way. Actually, my brother gave me the general idea for this. Oh, and in regards to how I spell Liv's doctor's name - I watch 'House of Babies' too much. And please remember, this is supposed to be a parody. Don't take any of what follows seriously.


Olivia Benson couldn't believe her ears as she listened to her gynecologist tell her why she had been feeling rather out of it the past few weeks.

"Olivia, you're about six weeks pregnant," Dr. Sherri Hanson said calmly.

"What?" the detective asked, "Bu ... h-how?"

Sherri looked at her amused, "You work sex crimes, Olivia, I'm sure you know how you concieved. Now, do you know who the father of the baby is?" At Olivia's embarrassed look Sherri chastised you, "You used protection, though, right?"

"Of course. That's why I'm surprised that I'm actually pregnant."

"I know the names of a few very good abortion clinics ..."

"NO. I want this baby."

"But you just told me you don't know who the father is," Sherri reminded the detective, trying to remain calm.

"Well ... that's not exactly true," Olivia told her, "But I'm not sure that he remembers it." At Sherri's questioning look Olivia explained, "We were quite drunk at the time."

"You need to tell him, Olivia," Sherri said.

Liv nodded, "If I don't miscarry I'll tell him."


Exactly seven weeks of hell (for the four men in Olivia's life) later, Olivia walked into Captain Cragen's office to inform him that she would need some time off in aproximately five months time. To say the least, he was shocked.

"I didn't even know you were seeing anyone, Benson," Cragen said after a few moments of silence. "Congratulations."

"Thank you, Captain," Olivia said, not wanting to reveal to him that she technically wasn't seeing the baby's father. "I hope this won't effect you assigning me cases."

"You can remain on active duty during your second trimester, but I want you on desk duty for your third trimester, until you go on maternity leave. Understood?" Cragen asked.

"Yes, sir."

"Now get back to work before I reprimand you."

Olivia smiled slightly, "Yes, Captain."

The detective walked back out to the bull pen and sat in her desk, trying to ignore the questioning looks from her partner, Elliot Stabler, and the two detectives they commonly worked with, John Munch and Fin Tutuola.

"Liv?" Fin asked, "What's goin' on?"

She looked up, her eyes meeting his and refusing to look at the other two men, "I'm pregnant, Fin. That's what's up. I'm thirteen weeks pregnant."

"Congratulations, Liv," Fin said with a genuine smile. "Hey, Munch, isn't that great?"

John looked at Liv before turning back to his paperwork, clearly worried, "Yeah, great."

"Congrats, Liv," Elliot said as he too got back to his paperwork. The thought going through both mens' minds was: It can't be mine ... can it?


As the baby grew inside of Olivia and the months passed, John and Elliot grew increasingly conserned that they were not the father of her baby. Both of them knew that the other was in the running for being the dad of Liv's baby, but both of them also wanted the coveted title for themselves. Fin, of course, knew nothing about this silent war going on between the two men, and just continued to be the same supportive man he'd always been to Olivia.

"It's what friends are for," he would often tell her after a midnight run to the grocery store to get pickels and whipped cream for Liv to munch on.

Then came the day the shit hit the fan: the first day of Olivia's maternity leave.

Elliot had just gotten off the phone with Olivia, for the tenth time since he had come in that morning, checking in on her. John was sending him evil glares from across the walk way before the older detective got up and went to put the younger man in his place.

"Why shouldn't I be supportive of Liv?" Elliot asked John when confronted with the accusation. "She's having my baby."

"What'd you say?" John asked, explosive rage turning his vision red, "No she's not! She's having my baby!"

Elliot rose from his chair to his full height of 6'2", "The baby's mine, old man."

"No, it's mine, punk," John replied, refusing to back down.

As the argument over who's baby it was intensified, Cragen came out of his office and asked Fin (sitting on the sidelines watching the battle of angry words turn even more heated) what was going on. When the detective told him Cragen turned back to the two men who were fighting.

"Think it's a conspiracy, Capt'n?" Fin asked, leaning in closer to his boss's ear to be heard over the din of Elliot's and John's voices.

"Must be," Cragen mumbled under his breath. He'd been so sure that the baby was his...


A/N: This was NOT written to express ANY thought I may have had that Olivia is promiscuous. I don't think she is, I just thought it would be a funny little ditty to write. PLEASE don't take this story the wrong way, but I would like to know what you guys think about it.

Vote for the father of your choice by review, please.