Pwhaa… I had a really hard time coming up with a title for this…

Nibai Akuma Kokoro

Pwhaa… I had a really hard time coming up with a title for this…

I swear you guys only picked this because I said, 'Gaara in high heels'. Maybe you did. Who knows?

Enjoy the fic!

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Ch.1 Why Did Ramen Betray Me?

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It was a beautiful day in Konoha. The sky was blue as the sun beat down, and the birds sung in the gentle breeze.

Uzumaki Naruto was miserable.

He exhaled deeply for about the millionth time. He'd lost his wallet. No wallet means no ramen. No ramen means no food. No food means being hungry. Being hungry means a depressed Naruto. And it was one of the days when the only thing he wanted to eat was ramen.

He meandered towards the training grounds, moping along with his growling stomach. As he stared into space, a piece of paper slapped into his face.(Rhyme not intentional.) He peeled it off and read it.

'HEY RAMEN LOVERS!'

Are you craving that savory dish like nothing else?

Well then, drop on by for our all-you-can-eat ramen buffet!

All our ramen is prepared by top chefs!

Yes, that's right, ramen prepared by top chefs!
YOU MUST ATTEND THIS ONCE IN A LIFETIME EVENT!!

We're just outside of Konoha, so come on!

What're you waiting for?

RAMEN!

Now, anyone with common sense would know that this was obviously a trap.

However, Naruto's common sense was as starving as he was and therefore, ceased to work.

'Kakashi-sensei won't mind if I miss some training right? He's always late.' Naruto let this thought go on spin cycle through his brain until he decided.

'Ah, what the hell. I'm hungry.' He reached the written point and glanced around.

Not a soul was in sight.

'Maybe I'm late…Or maybe they're late…'

He reread the flyer and felt a sharp sting in his neck. Naruto put his hand up to the wound and pulled away a tiny, empty syringe.

'…Ne?'

And then he passed out.

"Well…That was the easiest thing we've done since…Ever…" One of a shadowy duo remarked as he and his partner hid in a tree.

"Just finish the job."

They sprung down, careful to land silently, and set to their task. One lifted Naruto's eyelids and sprayed a cloudy liquid into his eyes. The other flung a red sphere the size of a golf ball into the center of Konoha, then set up a barrier of crackling silver energy around the whole city.

"And the deed is done." The first one remarked as the sphere exploded into a plume of burgundy smoke that faded into pink fog, then a lingering white mist that was gone by the time Naruto woke up.

Naruto sat up, rubbing his neck where the needle had impaled him.

"I guess I missed them…" He heaved another sigh as he trudged to practice.

Naruto sensed something different about the town, but just couldn't put his finger on whatever it was. At the training grounds, Sakura lay slumped on the grass with two girls he'd never seen before. He tapped the girls gently on the shoulder and they sat up groggily.

One girl, with a black tee-shirt and shorts, plus raven hair that went down to the small of her back, looked up into the blonde's eyes.

'He's…Cute…' The girl reddened slightly and brushed an onyx tress away from her face.

"Hey Naruto. You're late." A woman with chin length silver hair, a black mask that covered all of her face save one eye, and a jonin uniform said as she yawned and stood up.

'They kinda look like Sasuke-teme and Kakashi-sensei. Weird. Maybe I'm dreaming…' Naruto wondered for a moment, then asked, "How do you know my name?"

The woman raised an eyebrow.

"You don't recognize your own teacher? Did you hit your head or something?" she asked, keeping her blush off her face as she looked into his inquisitive sky blue eyes.

"…Kakashi-sensei? Then…" Naruto turned to the raven-haired maiden and continued. "Who are you?"

"It's Sasuke, dobe!" she snarled, causing Naruto to blink in amazement.

'How dare he not remember who I am?'

"Eh? Maji de?"

"Uh, Sasuke?" Kakashi started, but was cut off.

"Duh, baka!"

"Sasuke…" Kakashi tried to get the angered girl's attention.

"But they're guys!"

"We're guys!" Sasuke yelled as he-she looked to Kakashi for support and froze. She put a hand to her own ample chest.

"We're…Girls…"

There was a long silence before several shrieks rang out in the distance and Naruto dashed to the source, leaving the stunned three behind.

He scrambled through the woods and stopped when he saw more girls.

One brunette girl with a pixie cut and triangular tattoos on her face stared at her clawed hands. Kiba.

Another brunette with her hair in a small ponytail muttered, "How troublesome…" Shikamaru.

He spied Choji, Lee, and Shino. All girls.

He saw Neji, looking the same as ever.

"I'm so glad you're the same Neji-kun!" Naruto glomped the Hyuuga.

Squish.

"Squish?" Naruto looked down at Neji's chest.

"Look again baka."
"Oh…Um…I squished your boobs. They're really nice!" Naruto commented, trying to make the best of the embarrassing situation.

"It's okay…" Neji sighed. 'His eyes are gorgeous. I never noticed before…I wish he was hugging me again…'

Naruto gaped at the group of girls as Kakashi, Sakura, and Sasuke joined the group. His eyes flitted around the circle, occasionally stopping at someone.

"What's going on? Is this some kind of prank?" Naruto demanded.

"Like hell we know!" Was the general response.

Naruto turned and ran back to his apartment. Everywhere he looked, girls. Only girls. He breathed a sigh of relief as he slammed his door shut.

'What was all that?'

Later that evening, his neighbor knocked on his door.

"We've got a town meeting."

Naruto groaned, knowing he would be the only guy there. He was rather uncomfortable around the large group of women. They stood in a crowded hall, at the front of which Tsunade was addressing everyone from a podium.

"We understand your confusion." Tsunade announced. "We have tried everything to reverse the spell but it's not working. We requested assistance from anywhere we could and all have refused in fear of being transformed as well. As far as we can tell, it may wear off. But who knows how long it'll take? A day, a week, a season? Even years could go by. It appears there is only one male left in all of Konoha. Step forward, Uzumaki Naruto."

'Aw crap.'

He thought as he dragged himself to the podium. He sat down with her at the desk. Tsunade held the microphone out to him. Her eyes met his and she smiled.

"Tell everyone something about yourself."

"But why?" 'And why is she smiling at me like that?'

Tsunade took the mic back and spoke.

"He's fifteen, blonde, energetic, albeit he's not the sharpest kunai in the belt." She bumped her hip against his, a gesture went unnoticed because it was hidden from view by the desk. "I like that though. Your naivety is sexy." She whispered .

"Hey! I'm not stupid!" He yelled, ignoring the sexy comment.

"Perhaps I stand corrected." She ran her fingers across his lap, settling on his crotch.

"The bidding starts at five hundred yen!" Tsunade yelled into the mic.

"You're selling me? Why?"

"To make sure the population doesn't drop. Don't worry though. I'll be gentle with you." She replied with a devious grin.

"Come on! He'll wear you out! Do I hear five hundred yen?" she called once more.

"Five hundred fifty!" someone yelled.

"Five hundred fifty from the lady in black!"

"Are you all insane?" Naruto asked.

"Six hundred!" The girl in black (Sasuke) scowled at her competitor (Neji) who smirked.

"Seven hundred!" Hinata added.

"Eight hundred!" A new voice called out.

"Naruto…They want you…But I want you too." Tsunade whispered as she licked his cheek.

"What are you doing Baa-chan?" Naruto demanded.

"No fair Tsunade!"

"He is the man of my destiny in my dreams! One thousand yen!"

"Two thousand!"

'I gotta get out of here!' "Banzai!" Naruto yelled as he made a mad break and charged into a wall, which being made of drywall, crumbled easily.

"Get him!" someone shrieked and at least half of the room emptied after him.

Naruto ran, brushing away the drywall powder that clung to him.

'Help me Kyuubi!'

'Take 'em all.'

'That's not funny.'

'Yes it is.'

'No it's not!'

'Kit, just keep running. I have a feeling you'll be able to find help.'

As he felt manicured hands ripping at his clothes, he sprinted with renewed vigor. Naruto managed to get them out of his sight when he crashed into someone.

"Help me Gaara-kun!" Naruto begged as he stared intently into the redhead's eyes.

She looked about the same, with the exception that her hair now fell down to her knees.

"Um…Okay…" she agreed. (That's right. Gaara got changed too.) The sand dropped to the ground and reformed around him as its usual gourd shape.

"Have you seen a blonde kid?" A woman, (Tsunade?), asked.

"Yeah. He went that way." Gaara pointed them in the opposite direction and the riot traveled on. She uncorked the gourd.

"Do you want to get out now?"

"Well…If it's not too much to ask, could you take me home?"

"Sure…I guess… Where do you live?"

Naruto told her the address, then asked, "Hey Gaara-kun, why are you in Konoha? And why is this sand red?"

Gaara answered neither question, just kept walking.

"Arigatou gozaimasu, Gaara-kun. You saved me." Naruto said, bowing, after he was let out in front of his apartment.

Gaara shrugged soundlessly and turned to leave.

"Um… Will your village let you come back? I heard they were staying as far away from Konoha as possible while the curse was going on…" Naruto asked abruptly.

"Most likely not." Gaara replied, not even looking back.

"Do you want to stay with me? My place isn't that big and it may be a little crowded, but…" Gaara stopped, then glanced at Naruto.

"Why would you want me to?"

"Do you have money for a hotel?"

"No."

"You don't have to pay to stay here. And besides, who else will protect me from all those psychotic women?" Naruto smiled in a genuine manner.

"I'm psychotic. You surely don't want me to stay."

'Bakemono!'

'Akuma!'

'Murderer!'

'We're going to kill you the first chance we can!'

These words still plagued Gaara, fueling his cold anger. They were his motivation. Kill or be killed. His philosophy. What would make Naruto, that boy, any different? He was a fellow container, had suffered the same things, but when it came down to it…

They were just too different.

Naruto had been acknowledged and sought out attention. He had become more secluded, never lowering his shield from the world that hated him. Naruto smiled and laughed. He had long forgotten how to do those in sincerity, both only available to him when he killed.

It was an arbitrary solution.

It wouldn't last.

"You're not psychotic. You just kill people. That's our job." Naruto spoke calmly. "Although you can get a little out of hand sometimes." He smiled sheepishly.

"I slaughter humans for fun."

This boy was starting to annoy her. Her sand itched, ready to kill.

"Can't say I haven't thought of doing that myself."

'Don't pretend like you understand me! Go take your happiness and leave me be!'

"I'm a bakemono."

"So am I."

"I'm a girl!" Gaara yelled in last resort before she had to rip the blonde into pieces.

"Only on the outside."

"Chikuso!" Gaara slammed her fist against the hallway's wall.

"Are you okay Gaara-kun?" Naruto asked, eyes concerned.

"Why don't you hate me? Why don't you fear me?" she demanded.

"Why should I?" Naruto began approaching the redhead.

She was crouching now, looking like a trapped animal ready to attack the person who'd caged her. Naruto leaned over to touch Gaara's shoulder, but she shoved him away.

"Don't touch me. I don't want your compassion. I'm happy alone."
'You think you can heal me? Save me? I'll make you wish you never saw me. I'll make it hurt so bad you'll never want to see my face again! I won't kill you, but you'll beg for death!'

Naruto said nothing, but gripped Gaara's shoulder tight enough that it couldn't be shoved away. He knelt down in front of Gaara, who yelled, "Do you want to die? I'll kill you!"

"That's okay."

'What?' Gaara thought.
"I didn't get to become Hokage. I didn't even make chunin. I haven't kicked Sasuke's ass yet. I won't get to make my dreams a reality. But I'll accomplish one thing. You'll know that someone did care about bakemono like us." He hugged Gaara, who struggled to break free. "You're not alone anymore."

'…His words…I want to hear them again. Kitsune gaki.'

Gaara stopped resisting, then noticed Naruto had turned extremely pale. He stood up slowly, body tense, and primed to make a break for it.

"What's so special about her?" One woman demanded.

Gaara stood up and realized the double x-chromosome mob had found them.

"Yeah! Why do you have your claws in someone else's man?"

"Bitch, it's about to get hot up in he-ah!" (Oh slang, you make comedy better. But it's hard to spell the different emphases.)

"To me, he is a kindred spirit. Get out."
"Who do you think you are?"

"I am Sabaku no Gaara, now get out." She growled as sand began to slither down the hall.

The other girls screamed and fled upon fleet feet, so Gaara called off her sand and entered Naruto's apartment.

'Will you help me now Kyuubi?'

'I suppose.'

'Great! So what do I do?'

'First you kiss her, then you- '

'That's not what I'm talking about!' Naruto blushed.

'Just do as I say kit.' Kyuubi whispered the signs to Naruto.

"Kanbou: Kitsune Faia!" (Ward: Fox Fire) he made the hand signs rapidly and a faint line of red encircled the door.

'That should keep out most of your unwanted intruders.'

'Should?'

Naruto sat down on his bed and said, "Hey Gaara-kun, come here." He patted the sheets.

Gaara sat down, and Naruto began parting her hair into three sections.

"What are you doing?"

"Braiding your hair so it doesn't get in your way."

"…Do you know how to do hair?"

"After Lee fought you, I figured I should have something to fall back on if I ever get trashed that bad. I picked stylist."

"…That's…Odd…"

"Yeah. I know." Naruto smiled guiltily.

He finished the braid and tied it off with a black ribbon, then yawned.

"Good night Gaara-kun." He crawled under his sheets and slept.

"..." Gaara said good night as well, but only well after Naruto was asleep.

0o0

And thus ends the first chapter! How was it?