Ai Itsu Made Mo

Ai Itsu Made Mo

By: Silver Mew, based on the CD drama "Myutsuu no Tanjou" (The Birth of Mewtwo)

Part One: Memories

Father: A man as he is related to his child or children. The male parent of a plant or animal. A person regarded as the male parent. Origin: probably echoic of baby talk as in Papa.

"It was all a very long time ago. But I can remember everything, even the dress I was wearing that day. The day of the accident. The day I died. I was with my Mama and Papa, in our car. I was happy, because I was sitting by the window. I had begged to be allowed to sit there, instead of in the middle as I always had.

'The middle seat is for babies!' I had testified. 'I'm a big girl now!'

And I had gotten my way. Papa always did dote on me.  He was really relaxed that night too, and I couldn't help but notice how funny his breath smelled.  Suddenly, he shouted out something that sounded like "Myutsuu ga!" for seemingly no good reason.  But I didn't care.  I was having fun.  Then I saw it.

The truck...the truck, it was.... going the wrong way. It came at us, bearing down like some unearthly monster, and knocked our little car into the ditch. Then it came rolling over, and down. Over and down onto the right side, the part of the car still tipped upwards. The window seat I had begged and pleaded to sit in. It didn't hurt. I didn't feel anything. I knew the blood that was soaking my white sundress was mine, but it didn't scare me, or startle me. I just watched it soaking further and further up. Then my father was with me. Holding my hand.

'Ai? AI! Don't go! You can't leave me here, hold on Ai! Just hold on...' I had turned my head to look at him.

'Oh Daddy...' I think I said. 'I'm going to become a star up there.' He shook me a little.

'Ai, even if you're Haley's comet, you'll come back! Ai? I wont let you leave us all alone, I'll bring you back, hold on! The paramedics will be here soon, I promise! OK Ai? Ai? AI! AI!'

Looking back, he must have been trying to keep my attention, so I wouldn't lapse into unconsciousness. But it didn't help, I listened, and I laughed, and I died there, with him holding my hand. Holding my hand and screaming my name.

I can remember it all, my life, what I liked, what I didn't. I know everything about myself, and I can remember what dying was like.... But I can't remember if there was anything else after. An afterlife…somewhere to go…when I go to heaven will there be two of me there? If I'm Aithree, will there be three? Am I the same person? I FEEL like the same person...I don't know... but it doesn't matter, really, does it? But there were new memories, later. Of a different place. Of water, and glass. And always bright lights. Being in that tank for such a long time... listening…weeping… I was confused for so long…

My Papa was there most of the time. That helped. He was such a comfort to me, talking to me, speaking my name in his tender way. Always reminding his assistants to be gentle. It was such a long, lonely time there. I once heard him say it was nearly four years…but I don't know if he meant that was how long I had been there, how long since I died, or how old I was now. At any rate…four years was an important thing.

When I remember him from before, he was always laughing, playing with me. Now…he seems so much older. Tired. Sad. I was so little… my mind always on one track, keeping him happy.

Why doesn't my daddy play with me anymore? Doesn't he love me? I'm so lonely here… why won't he just let me go? He doesn't need me… Mama never comes… I haven't seen her since…I haven't seen her. Only the little girl in my memories who went for a ride with her family has seen her. Did she die too? Did she go away? Why did my mommy go away? My daddy doesn't play with me... my mommy left me all alone..I don't want to live here.. No one can hear what I say to them…I'm so lonely. I wish I had a friend. I'm only a little girl, you know. Only four. Little girls need friends, and nice mommies and daddies to take care of them… Life is supposed to be perfect when you are four… why am I so unhappy?

These morbid, lonely thoughts kept me company all through the long nights when all the other people went home to their nice families. I wished my father could hear me when I spoke to him. But he never could. He would go about at his computers, talking out loud to me.

'Well well, how are we today, Ai? Lots of brain activity, hmm? That's good. Pretty soon, little one, you'll be back with me. Don't you worry. How are your blood sugar levels? A bit low…'

And that's how it went, him fiddling with the screen, deciding what needed to be added to the fluids I was suspended in, and chattering away to me at the same time. Yet… this one time…

'My daughter, there she is. When will I hold my little girl again? When will I be able to lift her onto my shoulders and hear her cry in delight? The dearest thing to my heart…my only child. It's been so many years since I heard her laugh.'

'Doctor?'

'Ah! Mr. Giovanni!'

It was the dark man. He was often there; I recall… he liked to talk to my daddy. The times he came, he was never allowed into the room where I was all alone, but today, they stood outside the door and I could hear them speak.

'Its not like there have been no failures, sir…'

'We can't make money if we are afraid of failures, doctor.'

'Well, at least... a human copy has not succeeded yet.'

'I don't need a copy of a human. Increasing humans won't make money. Pokemon are what make money. Heh heh, and to add to that, it is said that the phantom Pokemon Mew is the rarest Pokemon in the world. If it's recreated in this laboratory, and is in our possession...even if it's a copy we'll make a fortune. Even if it's a fake we'll make a fortune!'

I heard him laugh as he walked away.

Other copies. Pokemon. My father had learned the secret of life. Life within stasis, though, for no living replica had ever left this prison of glass and water. And I waited; sobbing in the night for the things I needed but couldn't have. Wishing that just once, my dear father would hear me. Such a lonely existence… Listening to my father rave like a maniac.

'I don't care whether it's a copy, a clone, or something made from your genes, Ai. I won't be left alone like this. Your Mama left me for trying to get you back, I must have you back.'

'Please don't do what's impossible, Papa.' I had whispered. As always, he couldn't hear me. He went on, murmuring that the four-year mark was approaching. What was this thing of four years? Why did it distress him so?

'But now, I have gotten hold of this. The eyelash of that phantom Pokemon called Mew. Such an unusual life force…if I can learn the secrets, I can have Ai back.'

Its name is Mew? Mew…. Such a strange little name… I repeat it to myself.

'The world's rarest Pokemon…They say it lives forever. If I could…perhaps if I… yes… I could give you that strong life force as well. I want you to grow up, Ai. I want you to be a strong woman, and live your whole life out. Until you are an old, old woman. To be born and to live is a wonderful thing. That is why I want you to come back, Ai.'

One month after that day… my own dear friend was born into the world I had lived alone in for so long. Another as lost as I.

'So this is the beginning.' My papa said, looking pleased at what he had created, what he had spent every waking hour on for the past weeks, designing and retooling its DNA patterns. He had spoken at length on subjects I didn't understand. Forced mitosis, sped up maturation process…big words.

Me, eager, happy and excited. Leaning myself to one side to peer out. The little one was asleep. I wasn't. I wonder how long it will be before it will talk to me…

'Oh, it's so cute! That's Mewtwo...Can I be its mama? Can I be its older sister? I wouldn't mind living if I have a child like that. Hello Mewtwo!'

If Papa had heard me then…I wonder if he would have continued his project the way he did."

Part Two: Friendship

Friend: A person whom one knows well and is fond of. Intimate association; close acquaintance. A person on the same side in a struggle. One who is not enemy or foe: ally. A supporter or sympathizer. Trusted by one, faithful. Origin: 'frijon' meaning to love.

Friendship: the state of being friends. Attachment between friends. A friendly feeling or attitude towards another.

"I recall when I heard that feeble voice the first time. It was afraid, confused. My first thought was that though I had Papa, whoever this little Mew Two was, it did not have anyone.

'Where is this…who am I? …Why is it that I'm here?'

He was awake! My father led Giovanni into the lab. Perhaps he couldn't see me.. I don't know…

'Is this really the Pokémon created from Mew?"

'Yes. We do not yet know the state of this Mew Two. We will test its powers once it awakens. Right now, this Mew Two is in a state like that of a sleeping child, which is exactly what it is.'

'No…I am already awake! But I can't see anything. I can't say anything… I can't feel anything. Is something wrong with me? Have I been sick, maybe that is why I am here?"

'Once it awakes we will test the extent of its powers.'

'I'm looking forward to it.' They walked out, still talking. How exciting!

'Someone is talking about me...ohh…what are they saying?'

'Words. Human words.' I said, in my mind. Picturing my new companion inside my head. In my mind's eye he looked at me with big kitten eyes, surprised. He hovered closer, examining my face intently, a picture of curiosity. I think he must have seen the same thing in his mind, for I felt as though this was real.

'What…are you?' he asked, without moving his mouth. Was he speaking with his mind? How positively neat!

'Me? I'm Ai, I'm a little girl!' I said happily. This was the first time I had spoken with anyone in...What was it? Almost four years?

'Human?' he asked, uncertain.

'I'm human! But I'm a human born just like you!'

His face showed puzzlement and vexation. Then his expression cleared.

'Am I human too, then?'

The look in his eyes told me I ought to be careful with my answer.

'Hmm…' I floated close, peering at his fuzzy little face. "You talk…so you might be, but...maybe you're my Pokémon! No...maybe it's me who is the Pokémon…" I stopped. I had succeeded in confusing myself.

'Before you came here…'
He began, still looking at the details of my face with evident interest.
'I was dreaming, I think. There was someone else there, in blue water. And it said 'Mew'. I asked who Mew was, but they went away and wouldn't wait for me. Do you know who Mew is?'

I did, to some extent. But not enough that I thought it mattered, and I shook my head. As the other child and I exchanged pleasantries, I became aware of other small voices chattering.

"Squirt? Squirtle?"

"Saur. Bulba…saur…"

'Charmander! Char char!'

My small companion seemed to be thinking of what I had said about humans and Pokemon.

'Humans. Pokémon. What are those? Which am I?' He asked me, by this point he seemingly believed I knew everything. His big eyes searched mine for an answer.

'It doesn't matter.' I assured him. 'We're all the same here, aren't we?'

'All of us?' he asked, looking about, apparently seeing no one else.

'Listen! Can you not hear their voices?' He stopped, listening for whatever I had heard. He shook his head.

'No…'

About then, the voices came out clearly.

'Mander! Charmandertwo!'

'Squirtletwo.'

'Bulba, Bulbasaurtwo!'

'All of them? Two? Two? Why is everyone two?' The little cat spun himself in the floating darkness looking about for the origin of the other voices.

'Two…' I said, thinking as a small child does (for that I was.) 'I think its because we're all copies, here. So we're not one, but two.'

'And I'm a two too?'

'So am I, a two too.' I affirmed. His confusion was visible, but so was his pleasure at being included in something.

'My name is Ai. But I'm Aitwo. But really, in real life, I'm Ai!'

'In real life?'

'Not the real Ai, but Ai number two. Oh wait…maybe I'm Aithree.'
I laughed. It didn't seem important anymore. I had someone to talk to! Maybe more someones too, if I listened for them.

'Aithree?'

'Yes! That's right. One, two, three, four...If there's a one, there's a two. And if there's a two, next is three! It's not strange at all. See? One, two, three, four, five.'

'One, two, three, four, five?' He echoed.

'Yes! Now ichi, ni, san, shi, go! Numbers, digits.'

'Ichi, ni, san, shi, go?'

'Isn't it great?' I exclaimed. This was the happiest moment in my memory. Talking with a friend, laughing. Not worrying about my poor Papa, just being a little girl.

'Great?' He asked me. He didn't understand why I was so happy.

'Right!' I declared. 'I don't care whether I'm Aitwo or Aithree or even Aifour. I mean, we're all here and it's great!'

'…One, two, three, four, five, six, seven?'

'That's right!' he was looking for my approval. 'And-'

We counted together, me and my new friend.

'Eight, nine, ten!' Not knowing why, I started to laugh, as did he, his little face breaking into a joyous smile.

Around us, the owners of the other voices faded into view. I vaguely remember a reference to telepathy once. I believe that was how we were communicating with each other.

Outside of our containment, my father spoke suddenly. I wasn't really paying attention at the time. I was more focused on the strange new child I had befriended.

'Doctor Fuji, please look at the brainwave patterns here. These are your daughter and Mew Two.'

' T-this is… Ai and Mewtwo are communicating through telepathy! How is this possible?'

Listening, I decided I didn't care. Besides, Mewtwo was tugging on my sleeve to get my attention.

'Ai, I.. I want to know more…could you tell me more?'

He was so shy, it was funny. I nodded enthusiastically.

'Sure! I'll teach you everything I know!' I promised.

Looking back, these are the happiest times I remember. No more lonely nights with only the moon for company. Though he didn't always speak, it was a comfort to know that only a few feet away was my little friend, sound asleep. When he was awake, he would ask me about everything he saw, give me his thoughts on things, share the shards of his dreams he could recall. He was the best friend anyone could wish for. I think he thought of me more like an older sister, or a parent than a friend, though. He looked up to me, and I relied on having him to talk to. Our most fascinating discovery came when we found we could share our thoughts in pictures. My memories of my home, all the people and things I'd known before the glass and the water all around. I could show my friends all of this! The other copies…Squirtletwo, Charmandertwo and Bulbasaurtwo were not all that talkative. They didn't speak to me, or really think like Mewtwo and I did. They were nice as pets more than as friends, I think.

My hometown, with houses and trees and roads. I could show them where I had been born, where I grew up. No people…maybe you can't imagine people like you can a town…you can't imagine a person's soul, can you? That's how I know I never imagined Mewtwo, like the little friends so many children my age dream up. The problem with an imaginary friend is that they can only tell you what you already know. I learned a great deal from Mewtwo. He was a deep thinker, even as a child.

We spent hours at a time, exploring my old haunts. Eventually each time, I would tire and we would both fade back to our respective selves hanging in stasis to sleep. The first time this happened, I was afraid I'd lost the link and wouldn't be able to talk to them anymore. I later found out that it was because Mewtwo had fallen asleep in the middle of one of my explanations.

I showed them everything I could remember. My house. The street I used to play on with the twins next door. My favorite games.
But one thing I never showed them was the street at the edge of town. I was afraid if we looked there, I might find an overturned truck, and a little car. Even though this place was created by my mind, my mind could play nasty tricks on me sometimes. Without Squirtle and the others, I may have had the nerve to venture there with just Mewtwo, but they stuck close like glue. It seemed all four of my friends thought of me as a sort of leader. I enjoyed teaching them my games. Hide-and-seek. Leapfrog. Mewtwo was the one who suggested tag, though. He was very good at it. He said he felt like he'd played it a lot before, but could never remember where. He was happiest when he was talking with me, or playing tag, I think. He said he thought maybe the first Ai had lived here, and maybe the first one of him had been the one who liked tag. I had laughed and we thought no more of it.
Maybe I should have, though."

Part Three: Love


Love (platonic): A deep and tender feeling of affection for or attachment or devotion to a person or persons. A feeling of brotherhood and goodwill. Strong feelings of friendship and ties with another person.

"Sometimes, we talked alone, Mewtwo and I. Without the aid of my dream world. Mostly at night. It was these times we really learned what the other was thinking. I think somehow, Mewtwo knew that we couldn't hide in my dream world forever. He knew we'd have to see reality and grow up someday. Our childhood revelations were discussed at length on the long nights we spent in the laboratory.

'Ai?' His voice broke the silence of the evening; long after my father had gone home for the night.

'Yes?'

'Ai, I…I can see outside…this isn't one of your dream places, is it?'

'No. What do you see?'

'I don't know. They're very pretty. Bright.'

'Oh…' I opened my eyes, against the fluid around me. 'That's...the moon. And the stars. They're here to tell us the night's not dark and scary. They always shine at night.'

'Shining...hmm..' he murmured drowsily. Then something else caught his attention. One of the lab technicians on late shift.

'Ai, there. What is that he's eating?'

I stirred to look. The technician was eating something, Mewtwo was right. Something I hadn't seen in a long time. It struck me as silly.

'That? Hehe, that's cake and milk that researcher is eating.'

'Cake? Milk?'

I always forgot he didn't know about such things.

'Cake is soft and sweet. Its funny, see, because it's not usually adults who like it. Children love it!'

'Then you must like it too, Ai.' He said, sounding a little more awake now.

I sighed regretfully.
'I've never had it before. I mean, I can't eat here. In the water.'

'Hmmm...how about milk, then?'

'It's something that newborn babies, not adults, want the most. But... hehehe! I've never had that either. I've cried before because I wanted it though.'

Had I really? I suppose I must have…I, Aitwo, not Ai, had been here my entire short life. I must have wept for want of milk as an infant, I supposed. I wondered why Mewtwo had never seemed to be at that infant stage. I guessed he had been moved from another part of the lab to here as he matured. He was younger than I was, yes, on both levels. Where I was four years old, he had been born only a month ago. He seemed to be at a mental stage only a year or so less than I though. He was growing up faster than I had. My Daddy had programmed him to, I think. It was supposed to slow down to normal eventually.

'Why were we born?' He asked, out of the blue. I supposed his nimble mind had left from my comment about newborn babies to our own strange existence

' Umm..because there's a Papa and a Mama.' I said, giving him the same answer my father had given me when I'd asked something similar while I was still Ai.

His voice sounded small and sad as he asked me another question.
'Do I have a papa and a mama too?'
Oh poor little Mewtwo, I wish I'd been able to give you a more comforting answer. I wish I could have said yes. I tried my best for you, though…

'In our case…um…um…God, I guess.'

'God?' He said. He didn't push the matter though.

It seemed tonight his mind was full of doubt and questions. Not the kind of questions he used to ask, like 'What's that?' and 'Where did you live?' but things about the laboratory, how we happened to be born here. Why we had to stay in the glass. I told him what I could, but I think it scared him how little we both knew.

'Ai, what are we?'

I giggled.

'You…you're a strange and a very wonderful Pokemon.'

'Pokemon? So you're a Pokemon too, Ai?'

I was reminded of the words we had exchanged at our first meeting, about humans.

'No. I'm a human. But I'm a copy, like you. So-'
Suddenly, something hurt. I stopped talking. What was this…? Where were Squirtletwo, Charmandertwo and Bulbasaurtwo? Weren't they here…? This morning, they were still in those tubes…they're all empty now…?

'Ai, are you alright?' My friend's concerned voice asked. 'Ai, what's wrong? What's wrong Ai?' Here he was, though he could do nothing for me, begging to know what was wrong, as if he could help me.

I felt like I was coming apart. Like parts of me were weakening and fading away. Beside me Mewtwo was stirring, for real this time. He was moving.

'Ai, answer me, what happened?'

I smiled at him, trying to comfort him. He looked at the real me for the first time, his eyes open now deep with concern I had never seen on his physical face.

'I think...Mewtwo, I think it almost time for us to say goodbye… Look…I need you to promise me something.'

'Anything.' He said, I think moving must have pained him, for his little body just wasn't ready for it, but he did so just the same out of fear for me.

'Live, alright? I'm sure life is wonderful. My Papa told me so.'

'Ai.' His voice broke in a confused sob. 'Ai, I...I'm in the glass, in the water…but…there's water in my eyes…what is this?'

'That's probably tears.' I said, it was getting harder to move. I found I couldn't feel my hands or feet. I think my hair was falling out.

'Tears?' he whispered, moving his arm to his face, tugging one of the implants of his upper arm.

'My Papa said living things don't shed tears unless their bodies hurt. He said only humans could shed tears 'cause they're sad… Mewtwo…'

'Huh?'

'You're better than any human. Thank you for your tears. But Mewtwo, don't cry. You're going to live…and I'm sure life is wonderful.'

I knew I was dying now. I stared quietly, waiting for the end. Mewtwo was sobbing, he had shifted from the fetal position he had kept as long as I'd known him, and now his paws dangled uselessly, and his face was buried in his arms. It was useless for me to move, or try to stop the rapid deterioration of my body, and my best friend was crying his heart out as I slowly began to lose consciousness.

'No Ai, please please don't go!'

' I have to.'

'Ai, it won't stop...The tears...what should I do? Ai, answer me... '

'You're going to live, Mewtwo. And I'm sure life...is wonderful.'

I felt the last essence of myself drift away then.

'Please answer me Ai...' He dissolved completely into brokenhearted sobbing.

So where am I now? I'm still here…I'm still somehow here. I feel as if I'm watching from a distance, and being drawn further and further away every second, you know…I must see this…I must…

Papa! My papa is here, how could I have missed him? I'm leaving, Papa. Please don't be too sad. Please take care of Mewtwo. He needs a papa too, you know. Now you won't be lonely. I'm going away, but Mewtwo will stay with you...he's a good friend… he needs someone to talk to, and to be his friend… its getting harder to stay here, I feel like I'm being pulled away. My body is all gone…my spirit is still here…

'Ai has dissolved inside her glass tube. It was a life where she didn't step outside of it,' sighs my Papa. I can see him crying. The tears make his face look funny. I have never seen my papa cry before. Not even when he said Mama left him.
'Four years is the maximum a human clone can survive, so far...'

I can hear Mewtwo, too. He is weeping. Can't my papa see that? Why doesn't he comfort him?

'I don't mind. As long as we have the analysis of Ai, we can make as many copies as I want. I won't give up.' I'm shocked. Papa! How can you say this about me?! I'm not a lab experiment! I'm Ai! I'm Ai! I'm the REAL AI!

'Make them? As many as you want? That is not right. There is only one Ai.'

Mewtwo. Mewtwo understands, why is my Papa acting like this? Why is he being so cold? He's crazy!

'I can make many copies as long as I have a base.' He says, turning to his computer. The lady in the lab coat puts her hand on his shoulder. She says she is sorry.

'There was one Ai who talked to me!!!'
Mewtwo whispers. A pulse emits around him. He's mad. He doesn't like them treating me so. He wants me to come back and comfort him. But these scientists, this man I thought was my father, they can offer him no comfort. They don't even try to stop his weeping.

I can barely see anymore. I feel a pulling in my soul. I have to go… My father says it's bad that Mewtwo is agitated. He says they should sedate him, for he cannot be recreated like I can. There is only a tiny base for him, whereas I am easy to copy. But not easy to keep alive… I'm so upset, why did I have to die? It isn't fair…

I don't hurt anymore. I'm not angry with Papa. Just upset. I don't hate my daddy. He's so sad...I'm here, wherever here is, telling my story. I'm done now...because this as far as I have come... I felt so calm when I started to speak, now I feel as though I have lived through it all again. I feel like I'm going somewhere… my only regret...I wasn't able to be there for Mewtwo...this light, all around me… goodbye Papa, Mewtwo...I love you both… I suppose now…I'll see…what heaven looks like… I'll see...whatever is beyond… Goodbye…"

Ai itsu made mo.