Chapter 1: Fear the Twinkie!

I have writer's block on my other story. The writer's block is not too bad, and I'm still working on the chapter… But, suddenly… I decided to write this. It came upon me in school, and, unlike other ideas that generally germinate in the recesses of my sick mind, most people I showed this to found it amusing. And I promised you I would, Liz. So, yeah. This one will be short, and I have most of it written out.

And I might have gotten Kiyomaro's real teacher's name wrong. But he's barely mentioned.

Don't expect this to be too good. I'm just messing around.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this at all. Not Konjiki no Gash Bell, not Twinkies, not even the teacher in question… Nothing.


Yesterday, Mr. Yamato had been arrested. Kiyomaro heard it was for possession of firearms without a license. Iwashima thought the aliens had taken their instructor to the place where they took the Social Studies teacher's wife's grandmother. Yamanaka figured that Mr. Yamato had finally snapped, and gone on a homicidal rampage through a bingo hall with a baseball bat. Suzume didn't know their teacher's name, much less the reason of his disappearance.

In reality, Yamato had been smoking marijuana in the school bathroom, and he'd been caught by Kaneyama, who said he'd get him fired. In a moment of rage, Yamato had shot Kaneyama and put him into a coma with the firearms he illegally possessed.

So, now Yamato was in jail, and many students we left without a teacher. The principal had hired the first teacher that applied. Her name was Mrs. Greenya. Mrs. Greenya had held teaching positions all over the world, and had most recently been teaching in America. She was old, fat, and not once had a student liked her. She was probably insane, at that. But the poor students at Mochinoki Middle School didn't know this.

As Kiyomaro sat at his desk waiting for class to begin, he wondered what sort of person his new teacher would be. He hoped she'd be better than Yamato; he always left Kiyomaro to explain almost everything to his friends.

"Takamine-kun!" Suzume called, walking up to Kiyomaro with a file-folder in her hand. "I heard something about the new teacher, but I can't remember what!"

At times, Kiyomaro couldn't believe how ditzy Suzume was. "Try to remember," he said, though he figured he would be skeptical about the truth in Suzume's report. If this report ever came, that was.

After a few moments, it finally came to Suzume. "I heard her old students in America called her Mrs. Twinkie!"

Mrs. Twinkie. Shyeah, right. Kiyomaro blankly stared at his classmate, and then spoke. "I doubt they called her Mrs. Twinkie. Anyways, where did you hear this, Mizuno?"

"Oh, I read it in this folder I found in a drawer in the school office!" Suzume lifted Greenya's teaching record from her side.

Kiyomaro nearly screamed. "Mizuno! You're not supposed to go through the drawers in the office.

There was a moment's pause.

"Takamine-kun, what is this word?" asked Suzume, who offered her fellow classmate the file.

Kiyomaro took the file from Suzume's hand. He opened it up and began to read aloud.

"Nicknames from students…" Kiyomaro looked at the title heading, and then proceeded to read. "Greenyanator, It, Mrs. Twinkie…." There it was, "Mother-of-Several-Illegitimate-Children, Zophise…" How the heck did that one get there? "Freak, Creature, El Chupacabra, Mount Greenya…" the list went on and on, seemingly without end.

Kiyomaro shut the file, and a short note fell out.

"Don't believe her about asking questions," Kiyomaro read, "From: Past Victims"

As an overweight, elderly woman walked in, Kiyomaro shoved the file-folder under his desk.

"Hello, class," said the woman known as Mrs. Greenya, "In this class, you may be leaving your comfort zone…" Comfort zone? "Feel free to ask questions whenever you want!" There was what the note warned against.

Suzume, who had forgotten the note's warning, raise her hand to ask what her 'comfort zone' was. No one else knew the answer, either.

Greenya turned to look at Suzume.

Kiyomaro could swear that he saw Greenya's eyes turn red in rage as she glared at the spacey young girl before her.

"Now is NOT the time to ask questions!" Greenya bellowed, causing the earth to shake violently in the presence of her awesome power. Maybe not literally, but this served to terrify the students, especially Suzume. "Now… remember," she snarled, beginning another sentence.

The class carried on, and Greenya droned on. Kiyomaro figured that this was the most boring lecture he had ever heard, and Kiyomaro had heard some pretty boring lectures.

Kiyomaro looked about the room about ten minutes into the lecture from hell. Suzume was still in severe shock, but most of the terror had turned to boredom in the ten minutes of class. Yamanaka was asleep. Iwashima was silently begging the aliens to abduct him. Some other students, in an attempt to escape from the tortuous drone, were trying to slit their wrists using plastic rulers or impale themselves with their pencils, most of which were dull. One kid was reading, got caught, and was mauled by Greenya. This put the class into another state of terror, which then, once again, reverted to extreme boredom. Another girl was chipping her nail polish off, but then passed out right in the middle of de-coloring her left thumb. Luckily, her math book cushioned her fall, and Greenya did not hear the impact.

The class was just that boring. You had to envy Kaneyama for being comatose.

Suddenly, into the classroom, clad in a gym-bag, burst none other than Gash Bell. Kiyomaro would have yelled at his mamono, but he was too terrified of the wrath of the Twinkie, which he knew would soon be turned upon him.

"No!" Kiyomaro mentally screamed, "I'm doomed!


It'll be funnier next chapter, really. Anyhow, I have most of this written up, and will probably type out the other chapters in other times of writer's block…

Review, or I'll find your address and give it to the Manticore from Boogiepop!