Enju loved him. And she watched him. She watched him fall in love. She watched him laugh. She watched him get hurt. She convinced her friend that she was happy with just watching. But she wasn't. She wanted more than that. She wanted more than to just be the observer. But that wasn't as option. He didn't want her, he never did. He pretended that he had no idea how she felt. But he did. He knew how she felt and he didn't care. He might not have known the depth of her desire. He might not have known that there was hardly a moment in which he was not occupying her mind. He didn't love her back. She knew that. But she didn't want to believe it. Maybe part of his appeal was that he would never love her. But that doesn't mean that it didn't still hurt.
It was supposed to be different this time. A new life a new chance to do it all over again the way she wanted. So why didn't it work out? Why was she so unhappy? What went wrong? He wasn't supposed to break her heart this time. They were supposed to be friends. Of course reason would tell her that she shouldn't love him, that nothing good would come out of it, that she would only get pain in return for her unwavering devotion. But reason knows nothing of the heart. She hated him. She hated that she loved. She hated what he did to her. But no matter how much she hated him she couldn't stop loving him. It was a curse. It was a blessing. It was both.
And Shusuran watched her as she watched him. Powerless to persuade her, powerless to make her see how little he cared about her. No matter what she said nothing got through. Enju was too in love to see. Too in love to hear reason. It was cruel how he could be so undeserving of something so pure. He didn't see what Shusuran saw. He didn't see her beauty, her light. He was blind. She was blind. They were both blind. But Shusuran saw. She saw Enju's beauty and she saw Gyokuran's ignorance, she tried to make them see but they wouldn't. They were blind.
He knew how she felt. He knew her feelings, but he couldn't deal with it. It wasn't that he was insensitive, as Shusuran thought but he just didn't know how he could help. He thought that sleeping with her might solve it, but it didn't. He thought that ignoring her might help, but it didn't. He was in love with Mokuren. He threw himself into that love so as not to have to deal with Enju. But that didn't work. He still saw the way Enju looked at him. He tried to block it out but he still saw. Saw the sadness in her eyes when he talked to Mokuren. Saw the admiration when he stood up for what he believed in. Saw the pure joy of just being in love. And he tried to pretend it didn't bother him, that he didn't care about her. That he didn't care when he hurt her but he was too good of a guy to not care. He wasn't Shion. He didn't work that way, as much as he sometimes wished he did. But Mokuren made it better, she made everything better. All she had to do was sing and everything was alright.
This love was never meant to be. Everyone knew that. As much as they tried to kid themselves, everyone knew that it would never work. But the heart, in time, will heal. Mistakes will be made and hearts, once broken will move on. That's the beauty of life.