A/N: The idea of Jedi needing to take a class on getting along has been in my head awhile. This fic spiraled from that into some horrible mass of sillyness and hopefully funniness as well. :P
Of Jedi and Disputes
by: Amrita Glittersong
Anakin Skywalker, fourteen year old Jedi Padawan, winced as he heard a sudden crash outside of his door. It took barely a moment before he heard an imaginative string of curses from the other room, and he tried unsuccessfully to hide a smile.
"I didn't teach you language like that, master!" Anakin called, a rather daring move if Obi-Wan seemed to be in as bad of a mood as it sounded like.
His door opened to reveal a very disheveled Jedi, who indeed looked quite miffed. "Anakin." The Knight began, voice as calm as ever, though it was easy to tell it was taking a bit of effort to keep it that way. "Care to explain why our living room is a minefield?"
"I wanted to see if you were paying attention?" Anakin suggested, with a small grin. "Which you obviously weren't, judging by what sounded like a very ungraceful crash."
"You're going to be the death of me." Obi-Wan said with a loud sigh. "But I can't even be annoyed with you right now, so thank the Force."
"Huh? Why not?" Anakin asked, looking up from the droid he'd been tinkering with. "Usually nothing stops you."
"Well, you're doing a good job of attempting to prove me wrong, right now." Obi-Wan commented with an eyeroll, before sitting down on the bed next to his Padawan and putting his chin in his hands.
"Okay, what's up?" Anakin asked, all business now. His master looked a bit more forlorn than Anakin liked to see, especially if he wasn't the one causing the problem.
Obi-Wan sighed and, to Anakin's surprise, now looked slightly embarrassed. "The Council has just finished informing me of some sort of horrible class, 'Getting along with your fellow Jedi.' They want me to attend."
"Why, because of that incident with Master Glaive?" Anakin asked, at Obi-Wan's annoyed expression, added, "Not that it wasn't wizard."
"That's not the point, Anakin." Obi-Wan said with a great air of dignity. "But you're to come as well."
Anakin dropped his hydrospanner. "What? Why? I didn't get into a fight!"
"Perhaps not today." Obi-Wan said with an eyeroll. "But the fact remains that the Council is concerned with our combined, erm..."
"Not getting along with our fellow Jedi?" Anakin proposed with a raised eyebrow. Obi-Wan sighed and nodded again, prompting Anakin to respond with a loud sigh of his own. "We're not getting out of this, are we?"
"I tried, Anakin, I assure you." Obi-Wan told him. "I nearly even managed a tear, though I think that somewhat backfired. Master Windu told me to stop complaining and then laughed."
"I would have laughed at you too." Anakin added, before promptly being shoved off the bed. "Hey!"
"I wanted to see if you were paying attention." Obi-Wan said in response to his Padawan's outrage, as if it was perfectly reasonable.
"You know, this is why you're getting sent to that stupid class." Anakin said, as he returned too the bed. He was promptly shoved off again.
"Jedi and Padawans, you are all here for one reason, which I'm certain you're all aware of." Master Holden began, looking around the room. A large variety of Jedi were gathered, and there were far more of them than the stern Jedi Master would have expected.
Master Holden cleared his throat and continued. "I must admit, I'm disappointed there are... So many of you. Surely your masters taught you better than this! Except for, you know, a few of you who are here with their masters." He cleared his throat again and pointedly eyed a few master/padawans teams present, including Anakin and Obi-Wan.
A hand went up in the crowd, and Anakin noted it belonged to a Padawan named Zule Xiss. Zule's master was also present, a Knight named Glaive, of the aforementioned 'incident with Master Glaive'.
"Yes, Padawan Xiss?" Master Holden asked, sounding very long suffering. "What is it?"
"Why are we all here? I mean, it's obvious why some of us are here, but I haven't done anything." Zule asked, crossing her arms and frowning seriously. She was Anakin's age, with dark brown hair and reddish skin.
"Precautionary, based on your master's history." Master Holden explained calmly. "And your record isn't clear either, might I remind you. Now let me get on with this."
Zule pouted and crossed her arms even harder.
Master Holden, still unfazed, continued. "Now, surely you all know the tenants of the Jedi code, and therefore know that a Jedi controls their emotions rather than letting their emotions control them. And yet, you all seem to fail at this basic concept."
He looked around at everyone. "I would not be so harsh, but this is ridiculous. Knights Arquay and Eesah!" He said sharply and the offending Jedi, a pair of just-Knighted women, looked up suddenly. "You two were fighting over a muffin. A muffin."
"It was a blumfruit muffin! The last one!" Knight Arquay protested, and Knight Eesah nodded.
"It was completely warranted!" Eesah agreed. "And we got over it. We split it!"
"That's not the point!" Holden said, exhasperated. "The point was that you fought over it to begin with. You were pulling hair and throwing food trays, by the name of the Force!"
"I think I would have done the same." Chimed a Knight in the back of the room who Anakin didn't recognize. "Those are good muffins."
"You're Jedi! You're not supposed to fight over food!"
"But..." A whole bunch of Jedi protested at once, including Anakin.
"No! No buts!" Holden said. Despite his talk of controlling anger, he was obviously losing his temper. "In addition to muffins, you fight over such trivialities as boots and facial hair!"
"To be fair, Glaive's moustache is both offensive and enormous." Obi-Wan explained.
"You're simply jealous because you can barely grow a beard, let alone a moustache as luxurious as mine." Glaive replied, stroking said collection of facial hair.
Obi-Wan scoffed. "It isn't necessary for me to hide my face as it is for you. I don't frighten small children."
"That's because they find kinship with you, as you see eye-to-eye!" Glaive shot back, and as both he and Obi-Wan got to their feet, they were promptly pulled back down by their Padawans.
Holden threw his hands in the air. "You are hopeless! All of you!" He declared. "The Council asked me to talk to you, and I mistakenly thought you might listen, but you're obviously just as thick as you are loud and quick-tempered!"
"I'm not loud!" An anonymous Jedi shouted from the back of the room.
"Who said that!?" Holden asked, his face turning red. "I'll have you know I would definitely qualify you as loud!"
"Wanna fight about it?"
"THAT'S IT." Holden boomed, pointing towards the exit. "OUT. All of you!"
As the Jedi happily fled the room en mass, they convened in the hallway outside, not certain whether they should all go back to their quarters and wait for the inevitable call from the Council, or just wait around until Holden called a representative of the Council down to the hall.
"Well, I think he successfully made us feel more united." Obi-Wan commented after a moment, earning a raised eyebrow from Anakin.
"What?" Anakin asked, totally baffled. He felt more confused by the day in general than he thought he had been in the entirety of his time in the Temple.
"No, I'm with Kenobi." Glaive spoke up, crossing his arms an twitching his large moustache.
A young female Knight raised her hand from across the hall. "I am as well."
There was a general chorus of agreement from the other Jedi present, as Anakin eyed them all with suspicion. "Am I the only one who thought that class was horrible?"
"No, and that's the point." Obi-Wan responded, looking over at Glaive who nodded and picked up where Obi-Wan had left off.
"It indeed brought us together... Now instead of each other, we have a new object of disdain." The large Jedi said, and then entire group turned to look at Master Holden as he exited the room.
Wisely the Jedi Master stopped, looked around briefly at the hallway of Knights and Padawans, and promptly disappeared back into the room. The sound of a few different electronic locks engaging came quickly from the other side of the door.
"Well, I don't know about you people, but I'm hittin' the dining hall and seeing if they got any more muffins." Eesah declared. She held her arm out to Arquay. "Care to join me, my dear friend?"
"Of course. I'm not letting you have all the muffins without me!" Arquay said, linking arms with her friend, and they merrily set off for the dining hall.
"Well, I've got sabre practice." Another Jedi, who sounded suspiciously like the loud Jedi from the back of the room, commented. "So I'm off." And with that, he disappeared down the hall as well.
"As for me," Glaive said, "I'm going to partake in 'avoid the coming reprimand' and go get drunk in some bar. You're not coming, Zule."
Zule pouted again and crossed her arms. Her lower lip wobbled. It took about thirty seconds for Glaive to change his mind.
"Fine, we'll go get something you can have instead." The Knight said with a roll of his eyes. "Come on."
Obi-Wan frowned. "Now I can't say I'm going to get drunk and Anakin's staying, or you will come off as the better of us."
Glaive clapped Obi-Wan on the shoulder. "I am the better of us." He said, before leading Zule away down the hall. Obi-Wan scoffed again before turning to Anakin. "Well, I suppose we're going to Dex's, then."
"Yes!" Anakin cheered, pumping his fist. He really had no idea what had just transpired over the day, but one this was clear: Good things happened when you were self-centered, loud, and difficult. This would be one lesson Anakin would happily learn.