A/N: This is my entry for CBP's February challenge. Enjoy! Oh, and review if you like it, huh?
Xxx XXX xxX
I dread the moments when you're not around. But I loath even more the way I crumble under your touch.
I'm no stranger to desire. To some extent, it has ruled my life in one way or another. The desire to please my parents, the desire to excel at school, the desire to be accepted by my peers despite knowing better.
Then there was sexual desire, the ruling force of my late teens. So strong, indeed, it permeated every area, every second of my life, keeping me away from drugs and booze and a valedictorian position at the end of my stories. I look back to those days and realize it was just sheer dumb luck that kept unwanted pregnancies and STDs at bay, given the frenzy of my own sexual hunger.
Years went by. My own internal restlessness kept me a wanderer, ruled mostly by my desire to see and do as I pleased, owner of my destiny, a responsible adult, if you please. At least, my ID proclaimed me as one. As for responsible, who knew? One minute I was sitting at my parents' parlor, contemplating settling down permanently with a person they deemed worthy of having an important collaboration in the future grandkids making, the next I was having sex with two different people in two different countries on the same day.
Then my desire for knowledge grounded me. I began to learn the things that really interested me and I kept going until I was so full with knowledge that I could barely move. And I had no desire to do so. For knowledge gave me a freedom I had never experienced before and I knew there was no turning back. The desire to remain a regular Pandora Box gave me a shiver I had not known before, and I fought so hard to keep the charade for as long as possible! I've lost track of how many went for it, how many bought the bohemian chick façade, hook, line and sinker. I had honestly believed that I had the upper hand at this relationship game.
Until I met you.
Gotta give it to you, you're even better than me at this "pretending" game. Bug geek? You're kidding me, right? Sure, you're smart. You're so smart sexy, you burn white hot. And the wicked sense of humour. And the sensitivity. And the chivalry. And the old-fashioned gentleman way. And the sculpted chest. And the way you make love to make and have sex with me. That you're rich beyond belief is just the icing on the cake, and I've never been one to fancy meringue in the first place, to begin with.
I wanted to resist you, but it was easier said than done. I was hooked on you, addicted to you long before I even noticed it, and by the time I became aware of the desire you spark in me, it was already too late to even attempt getting away… or pretend to do so.
So here I am, burning bright white with desire, crumbling under your touch, and loving every minute of it. And loathing it. And loving it again. I've been moved by desire all my life, and this time around, I'm prisoner to it. Under normal circumstances, I'd be fighting it tooth and nail.
But in the end, I yield to it.
Xxx XXX xxX
A/N: Don't look at me. Dunno where this one baby came from. Humour me and review it, please?