Parings: Callie Addison
Rating: R/ NC 17
Summary: Callie and Addison are living together and Addison wants their relationship out in the open, however, Callie is not so sure and it causes a slight clash between the two.
I, I will be king and you, you will be queen.
Though nothing will drive them away, we can beat them, just for one day.
We can be heroes, just for one day.
Though nothing, will keep us together we could steal time, just for one day. I, I wish you could swim, like the dolphins, like dolphins can swim.
I, I can remember standing, by the wall and the guns, shot above our heads and we kissed, as though nothing could fall.
And the shame, was on the other side. We can beat them, for ever and ever, then we could be heroes, just for one day.
We're nothing, and nothing will help us.
Maybe we're lying, then you better not stay but we could be safer, just for one day.
Callie sat on the kitchen counter, digging into a cold container of leftover Chinese food. Her legs swung in and out at the edge of the marble. Addison closed the fridge and carried another container of egg rolls over to the counter. She stood between Callie's legs and they ate from each other's rations in silence.
Addison stopped, swallowing the bite of egg roll she had taken, and watched as Callie dug into the small thing in her hand. She smiled and Callie looked up at her, caught off guard. She chewed slowly and grinned back at Addison.
Addison shrugged, then rubbed a tiny spot of soy sauce off Callie's cheek with her thumb."Nothing. It's just, you know, we're adorable."
Callie laughed."Yeah. We kind of are."
"I would say that we are even cuter than Derek and Meredith, don't you think?"
"Yes, I would say so."
"And Burke and Cristina."
"Oh, we are definitely cuter than them, are you kidding?"
Callie fed Addison a forkful of chowmein before taking one herself.
Addison poked at her egg roll, clearing her throat nervously."I'd bet Richard would appreciate it if we told him we were together."
Callie snorted a laugh."Yeah. Let's tell the chief all about it."
"Addie--"Callie put the food down beside her and questioned Addison with her eyes.
Addison was taken aback."Yeah. WHAT?"
"I just--I don't think it's anyone's business, that's all."
Addison looked at Callie for a few seconds then picked up the tray Callie had put down.
They ate in a less than comfortable silence.
Callie clutched at the sheet under her with one hand while bracing herself on the headboard with the other, her neck arched as she breathed quickly in and out. She gasped and moaned before letting out a satisfied giggle.
Addison crawled up Callie's body, adjusting the twisted bra strap hanging over her bare shoulder, licked her lips and smiled victoriously. She kissed Callie's neck before resting her weight on her elbow, watching as Callie's breathing slowed down. She gently pulled a blanket up to cover both of them and Callie finally sighed and looked over at her."That was, um--"
"That was definitely not cute."Callie said, laughing."That was--that was extremely dirty."
"Filthy. Yeah. Let me show you."Callie flipped over on her side and snaked her hand down towards Addison's waist. Se stopped suddenly and looked at her quizzically."You still have your pants on?"
"Hey, I am committed. I see a task…I go straight for it."
Callie laughed, then resumed the task at hand."Oh, my little hard worker."
She began to kiss and nibble her neck, but Addison felt distracted."So um, speaking of work. We should tell the Richard."
Callie pulled away and stares down at Addison."Didn't we already talk about this?"
"Um, no. I said we should tell people at work and you said no. That wasn't talking about it."
Callie sighed and sat up, rummaging through the bed sheets for her underwear and pants and slips them on. She stands up and slips on her shoes and a tee-shirt. The best way to avoid a confrontation was to walk away. Addison rolled her eyes.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going to go clean up what we left in the kitchen."She walked out of the bedroom without a second glance. A few seconds later Addison got out of bed and put on a tee-shirt.
She walked into the kitchen, where Callie was moving around, picking up empty dishes. She leaned against the fridge and crossed her arms."It's not about discretion, Callie. It's about acknowledging our relationship. We ARE in a relationship, right?"
"Yes, of course we are!"Callie responded, stopping what she is doing and turning to look at her, a little frustrated.
"Callie--"Addison took a breath and closed her eyes for a second, feeling herself tense up."--I think it would be a good idea to just--let the cat out of the bag. No one ever sees us together. Not that I want to have sex in public or anything but…don't you think it's a little weird?"
"You're embarrassed."Addison threw her hands in the air and turned to leave.
Callie quickly grabbed her hand, pulling her back."Hey, hold on."
Addison turned reluctantly and stared back at her, her jaw clenched as she waited for an explanation. Callie held her hand firmly as she tried to explain calmly." I am not embarrassed. Don't be stupid. Addie, you're an OBGYN. A very successful one at that. Word gets out that you're living with a woman, your credibility will be shot to hell. You know that, I know that."
"Richard would never hold that against me."
"I'm not talking about Richard. There are still a lot of narrow minded people who aren't exactly jumping for joy at the idea of a gay, female OBGYN examining them."
"I don't care! Callie, it's worth losing a few patients if I can live my life out in the open. I don't like hiding like we're doing something wrong--"
There was a pause.
"--unless you think we are."
Callie shook her head and moved closer to Addison, bringing her hand to rest on her cheek."I love you."
"Yeah, well, lately I've been wondering if that's really true or if you're just compensating for something else you wanted that you couldn't have."
Callie couldn't believe she had just said that to her. She knew she was referring to George. She took a step back and turned her back on her, busying herself by cleaning up the utensils and dishes they had used."I can't believe you just said that."
"I can't believe you're not denying it."Addison answered, trying desperately to swallow the knot in her throat.
Callie turned around then, tears welling up in her eyes. She placed her hand to her chest and made an attempt at talking but no sound came out. She stopped a second and inhaled."I didn't think I HAD to."
They stood in silence for a while, each waiting for the other to say something. Callie finally blinked and angrily wiped away the tears that had escaped her despite her protest.
Addison immediately feeling the guilt could only stand back and listen."What is this? What are we doing?"
She didn't want to ask if they were breaking up because she was afraid of the answer but Addison knoew what she was asking and could only look into her eyes, feeling a sickening tightening in her belly.
"I don't know. What are we doing? You tell me." Now she was referring to their relationship. Maybe they had rushed into things and now they were facing the consequences. Maybe she cared too much too soon and she should just end things before it killed her. She wanted to cry. She wouldn't.
"I'm just--I want us to be and I don't think you do."
"Why? Because I don't want our dirty laundry displayed in front of everyone?"
"No. Because you don't want to admit that you're afraid for yourself. All this, I'm doing it for you crap is bullshit. You're looking out for yourself and no one else." She regretted the words as soon as they came out and she felt the twinge seeing the anger and hurt build up on Callie's face. She prepared herself for the storm that was coming.
"Addison, I am only looking out for you, whether you want to believe it or not, because guess what, the world isn't full of Dereks and Marks who are either going to forget you exist or walk away when things get to be too intimate, but don't expect me to sit here and listen to you lash out at me because you're filled with the sudden urge to run away because you're damaged goods and you can't see that you've gotten involved with the right person for once."
There. Now they were even. Addison had hurt Callie and now she had hurt her back. But that was not the kind of relationship they had. They made each other happy without hurting each other. This was wrong. Her chest heaved as her breath came in and out uneasily. She felt as if she is going to faint, so to keep from doing so, she spoke again. "If you're going to do it, do it right now, Addison!" Her voice cracked as Addison shook her head no.
"Do not make me wait and do not make ME do it because I won't!"
"I can't do this." Addison sobbed and let her hands fall to her sides. She looked at the ceiling, the floor, the refrigerator magnets, anywhere but at the person whose heart she knew she was breaking, along with her own. "I don't want to hurt you."
"Then don't!" Callie said, giving up on holding the tears back because they seemed to have a mind of their own now. She gasped as an angry sob escaped her mouth. "Look at me!"
"I can't…" Addison whimpered quietly and kept avoiding Callie's eyes.
Frustrated enough with Addison, Callie stepped forward and forced her chin up. They were both crying. "If you tell me you want it to be over, it will be over. I don't' want to force you to be with me." She really didn't want to know. She didn't want it to be over. It would mean that all the I love yous and everything they had been through, all the secret glances in the hallways of the hospital leading up to the first time they kissed were a lie.
Addison could feel her heart physically aching. She reached out and ran her fingers through Callie's hair. She kissed her gently, tasting both of their tears on her lips. She didn't just want her--she craved her. She held her close and felt the warm skin of her lower back. She pulled away shortly, resting her cheek against hers. "I can't do this. I don't want to feel more than you do."
Not wanting to say something hurtful again, Callie pulled away, not looking at Addison. She wiped the tears away from her face and sniffed involuntarily. "Ah, I can't do this right now. I'm--I'm going to go for a walk." She leaned against the doorjamb on her way out of the kitchen for leverage as she felt her body almost give out on her. She took a deep breath and in one quick motion, grabbed her coat, rushed for the door and slammed it behind her.
Outside, she let the tears fall again. She slipped on her jacket and breathed in the cold air. The smell of the wet grass from the rain just a few minutes ago clouded around her. She didn't know what to do with her thoughts. She couldn't believe she had just had that discussion with the person she cares about the most. How could she think she didn't love her enough-- the ways she saw it, she had two choices. She could go get a hotel room, let Addison end their relationship over a stupid moment of doubt, or she could go home and straighten her out--let her know she would be an idiot to ask Callie to end it. She thought she had more than displayed just how much she meant to her but--insecurity latched on when one least expected it.
She stopped in the dark sidewalk and massaged her temple with her fingers, finally feeling her mind clear up. She stretched her neck to the side, then closed her eyes as her head hung back, her face to the sky. Her nose felt cold and she thought of Addison again. It wasn't too late. She could fix this.
She straightened up, zipped up her jacket and turned back around, headed back home.
Callie opened the door to the apartment and stepped inside. She looked around cautiously, listening for a sound to indicate where Addison was.
There was a sound coming from the bedroom and she turned her head in that direction. She shrugged off her jacket, threw it casually on the backrest of the sofa and moved across the living room, her shoes making quiet clacking sounds against the floor.
She furrowed her brow as she took in the sight in the bedroom. There was a half full suitcase on the bed and Addison, not noticing Callie in the room yet, stood over an open drawer in the nightstand. "What are you doing?"
She spoke softly, but Addison was startled nonetheless. She didn't expect her back so soon.
She turned around shortly, then closed the drawer. She didn't say anything.
"Addison." Callie called again, not moving from where she stood under the doorframe. "What are you doing?"
Addison closed the suitcase on the bed and picked it up. She turned and looked at Callie. She knew it would be harder with Callie home. She bit her cheek for a second then looked down and back at Callie. "I'm going to go stay at a hotel for a few days."
Callie pursed her lips but did not raise her voice. "Why?"
"Because--I--can we talk about this later?"
"Um--no. What is going on with you? First you practically call me out on some bogus argument telling me you want to come out all of a sudden, then you tell me you don't think I care about you enough and now you're leaving? I'm going to need a little more explanation than 'I'm going to stay at a hotel for a few days' if you don't mind."
Addison pulled on the hem of her shirt roughly, not wanting to explain any further. She just wanted to get away. "I don't--want to be here. I just--I'm flustered and confused and really really fucked up head over heels for you and you're not, for me I mean, and I just…I need some time--I think we should take a break or--I don't know…"
"You're so full of shit."
Addison felt as if she had been hit with a hammer. Her head hurt from the crying and the thinking and she was tired. She only looked back at Callie, question in her eyes.
Callie shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "If I were a wife-beater I'd beat the crap out of you right now just so to show you how you're making me feel right this second. Are you seriously going to stand there and tell me that your reason for breaking us up is that--I don't care enough about you? You need to stop making excuses for your own fears--In what other way do you want me to show you how much you mean to me? What do you want me to do!"
"Callie, I really don't want to talk about this right now. I'm so tired." Addison made attempt at moving past her, but this only enraged Callie more.
She grabbed the suitcase from her hand and threw it aside, stepping closer to Addison. She lowered her voice and looked at her with concern. "What do you want me to do?"
Addison looked at her then and she couldn't speak. She mentally cursed herself for wanting to cry again. She shook her head and smiled at her. "Nothing."
Callie reached up and touched Addison's cheek briefly, then brushed the hair out of her face. She leaned forwards and was hesitant. She felt Addison relax under her touch and sigh. She wanted to show her just how much she wanted her there with her, and if words weren't enough, then the rest would have to do.
Finally touching her lips to Addison's, she wrapped arm around her waist, pulling her in close. She reciprocated and this made Callie feel a small token of relief. She pressed her lips firmly against hers and sighed into her mouth. She tasted her lips with her tongue and obliging, Addison parted her lips.
Addison felt a chill as Callie kissed her deeply. They pulled each other closer than they thought it would be possible. She felt Callie pull away and she couldn't help but follow, looking for her lips again, but she was rewarded with nibbling on her neck.
Before she knew it, Callie had directed Addison to sit at the edge of the bed and was seated behind her. Addison's head was turned so that she could continue kissing her as her hands roamed over her waist.
Callie slipped her hands under Addison's shirt and pulled it over her head. She pressed her palms over her stomach, traced her fingers across her ribs and finally moved to cup her breasts. She kneaded and gently pinched at her nipples, feeling them instantly harden under her touch. She heard her sigh as she kisses her shoulder and moved one hand to undo the bra clasp at her back.
The fabric slipped off her shoulders easily and Addison felt Callie's hands touch her bare skin. She reached up and pulled at Callie. She cradled her neck in her hand as she kissed her. Callie's lips parted and she pressed harder. She moaned as Callie slipped her hands between her legs and touched her over the fabric of her pants. Any thought she had of leaving, any doubt was disappearing by the second and she could only crave Callie more.
As if reading her thoughts, Callie, moved slowly off the bed to kneel in front of Addison. She kissed her way down her stomach as she maneuvered Addison out of her pants. She slipped them carefully off of her before moving back up to kiss her lips.
She couldn't help but sigh when Callie kissed her. It was like she breathed through her. Addison felt her skin begin to blush as Callie pushed her gently on her back and reached between her thighs again, this time slipping her hand under her panties, two fingers were firmly inside her. She smiled up at Callie, who hovered above her as her fingers move in and out of her. She reached up and cradled her Callie's head in her hands, to make sure she was looking straight at her.
"I love you."
Callie smiled. "I love you too." She leaned down and kissed her again. She felt Addison move her pelvis against her hand and she took this as a sign to push in harder. Addison moaned and arched her back as she began to feel a warmth in her belly and her body began to quake. She pulled at Callie's hair again and bit at her lips as she came. Her breath was still agitated when she pulled Callie's hand away from her center. She hissed at the sudden loss of contact, but she wanted to feel more.
She pulled at Callie's shirt and threw it over her head, followed by her bra. She sat up and reached frantically for the button on her jeans and freed her from them.
They laid on their sides, facing each other, with their limbs entwined in the other's. Hips moved against sweat slick thighs, arms and hands clung to shoulders and nails dug into skin, sometimes breaking it.
They remained entwined soon after their bodies relaxed. They kissed softly now, and Callie looked at Addison through lazy eyelids. She pushed the wild red hair out of her face and was met with smile. She ran her thumb over Addie's bottom lip. "I don't want you to go."
Addison felt the words go through her and she shivered. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out, so she leaned forward and, cradling Callie's face in her hands, kissed her response into her.
A few hours later, the sun came out and it shun through the window. Callie wrinkled her nose and opened her eyes slowly. As her sight adjusted to the sharp light, the alarm clock went off and she turned her head. Addison was not next to her. She sat up and reached over to shut the clock off and for a second was filled with worry, until she caught glimpse of something laying on Addison's pillow. She picked up the small white paper folded in half. She opened it and smiled at the content: Got a page, didn't want to wake you. See you at work. Addie.
Callie found Addison in the courtyard. She spotted her from the entrance. The redhead sat at a corner table, eating a sandwich. She moved through the crowd and Addison looked up once she stood next to her. "Hey."
She smiled warmly as Callie took a seat next to hers. "Hi. So, I was thinking--about that thing last night."
"Oh, I'm sorry about that. I don't know what was wrong with me--it IS too soon and--"
As Addison went on and on about the lesbian dirty habits of moving too fast, Callie realized Addison was whispering and looking out of the corner of her eye for anyone who could be listening. Callie felt a sudden jolt of bravery and grabbed Addison, pulling her head forwards. She kissed her, shutting her up in mid-sentence. She stiffened at first but eventually kissed her back. Once they pulled away, Addison looked at Callie, a nervous smile planted on her face.
Callie laughed then ran her fingers through Addie's hair. "Nobody cares. And I don't care if they care. I don't know why I did before. And I'm sorry."
Caught off guard, Addison remained silent and just smiled back.
Callie kissed her again then moved her attention towards Addison's apple juice. "So, you want to tell the Chief today?"
Addison watched, her jaw to the floor. She was shocked but she was happy.
After a few more moments of silence, Callie looked up at her again and smiled."What?"
"Nothing."Addison leaned forward and kissed her briefly, then wiped smeared lipstick off the corner of her lips."Thank you."
They ate in comfortable silence and for the first time acted like a couple in front of the entire hospital. No one really cared, and the few that did weren't acknowledged.