AU Slash HarryxSeverus
Harry his greatly troubled by Severus cheating on him and goes down to the lake to end his life. But before he does he sends a letter to Snape explaining why. Can Severus reach Harry in time to save him?
Notes: This took a while to write and couldn't have been completed without the help of Ladylark who encouraged me and beta read my story revision after revision. She also helped me to finish the ending of the story. Thank you Ladylark. HUGS
Update This story has been revised and is a wip.
Water Through the Soul
At the Lake
Harry stood on the shore of the black colored lake. Snow filled his hair and was beginning to cover up his spectacles with small specks of water. Hedwig sat on Harry's arm wondering what was going on. Master had already tied a note on her leg but hadn't sent her off yet. Hedwig was a bit confused as it was quite unlike her master to be out in a nasty storm like this one, but Hedwig sat there on Harry's arm, unflinching, waiting for her master's next command.
Harry walked over to a huge rock that sat next to the lake's shore and sat down on it. Harry lowered his arm indicating to Hedwig that she was to dismount, which she did, perching herself on the snow covered rock.
Harry stared across the lake for a long moment and then looked at the gold ring on his right hand and then made his hand into a fist and he hit the top of his leg with it and broke into tears. After a few minutes Harry tried to pull himself together and he turned towards Hedwig.
"Deliver this note to Sev…" Harry's voice failed at this point but he regained a bit of his composer and finished the rest of the sentence speaking softly, "get this note to Professor Snape..." Harry barely managed to get the words out of his mouth. Tears continued to flow down his face. Hedwig flapped her wings rising slowly up above her master.
The sugar colored owl flew up against the cold bitter wind, swirling over her owner twice, then one last time before flying off to Hogwarts. Hedwig knew something was wrong with her master. Master's voice had broken in mid sentence when he had told her, 'Deliver this note to Sev…Professor Snape', and he went almost into a whisper. Hedwig knew that something with this note was very important and she became filled with a sense of urgency. The owl fought hard against the raging wind as she flew.
It was so cold that frost began to form on her small beak but she kept on, rising higher and higher struggling to reach a small opening in the roof of one of the towers. As she neared the top of the tower Hedwig could see a faint yellowish light beaming through the opening like a small beacon revealing its location to a ship about to hit shore. The owl rose a little higher until it was above the opening and then dived hard towards it gaining speed, but suddenly a wind shear hit the owl hard in the belly forcing her off course enough that she was going to have to veer off and come back at it again.
Hedwig swung back around rising higher this time until she was well above the tower edifice and she looked at the black horizon. She couldn't see much past Hogwarts grounds because of the snow storm. Master's broken words echoed in her mind and Hedwig became even more determined now to make her way into the tiny aperture. Hedwig dove fast bringing her wings back slightly to give her more momentum.
The bitter cold wind pushed hard against her under belly but Hedwig wouldn't allow herself be moved. She had to get this message to Professor Snape. She couldn't let master down, especially not now. Hedwig steadied herself and had become like a boulder that had been catapulted towards the castle and was coming down now with great force. She stayed focused on the light that was pouring out of the hole in the roof and flew in like a jet fighter coming in for an emergency landing on an aircraft carrier. Once in, she barley managed to fly over a student's head.
Hedwig didn't stop though; she continued straight on down to the next few levels passing the strange moving stairs and talking paintings, straight down into the foyer and down a slopping hallway that led to the dungeon where Professor Snape's chamber was. Hedwig reached the Professor's door and began to screech and flap furiously as she scratched at the door with her talons creating quite a ruckus.
Harry untied his shoe strings then removed his shoes. After this he pulled off his socks and tossed them off to the side. He felt the freezing snow underneath his feet. Harry jumped up and took off his spectacles and laid them gently on the rock he was sitting on. Harry hesitantly walked into the icy cold waters of the lake.
Professor Snape's door slowly opened and Hedwig didn't hesitate to fly in. Severus' eyes had become big as the seemingly insane bird charged towards Snape, who ducked hoping he wasn't going to be hit. Hedwig finally came to a rest on Snape's dresser but she was still quite verbal.
Severus stood up and cautiously approached Hedwig. He saw that a note had been tied to her leg and slowly reached for it. Hedwig stopped screeching as the potions master came closer. As Snape untied the note his engagement ring refracted the candle light catching Severus' eye. Taking the note he quickly unrolled it, and as he read it his heart skipped a beat.
conversations with silence
how many I've had
thinking about us
and what happened
if I could only walk away from the dark
in situations like these
but a storm builds up inside
and dreams are torn
slowly I suffocate in the ring of eternity
I walk into the evening tide
and a storm builds up inside
I embrace the chilling waters
a perfect reflection of your heart
breathing in the waves
engulfing me completely
slowly I suffocate in the ring of eternity
if I could only walk away from the dark
in situations like these
but a storm builds up inside
and dreams are torn
slowly I suffocate in the ring of eternity
Harry stood in the freezing waters. In less than five minutes his feet were already becoming numb and the rest of his body felt as if the icy waters had seeped through his skin and into his veins as the cold chilled him to his very bones. He shed his black robe and it fell lazily onto the water behind him floating on the surface. Only a flimsy red t-shirt and his blue jeans held any body warmth in. Harry pulled the red shirt over his head and tossed it into the water.
Just then a sudden freezing gust of wind bit hard on Harry's exposed flesh and he flinched covering his chest with his arms. After the wind had slowed Harry stepped forward slowly once. The cold bit at every part of his exposed flesh. This was it, the final moment. His feet were frozen and he knew that he still had a chance to leave this and go see the nurse and get help for his feet, or just keep walking, just like in his poem. Just like he had intended to do.
Harry's thoughts focused on Severus. He saw them in Snape's bed. They were both naked lying under the covers, entwined together like vines on a fence. Harry could feel Snape's breathe on his chest.
"I'm falling for you Severus…" Harry said looking deep into Severus' eyes. Severus had just smiled putting his hand up to Harry's chin tilting it up slightly.
"I have already fallen for you Harry" Severus replied softly.
How could you. Didn't you know how much I loved you?
Professor Snape's face had changed into a look of horror.
Harry, what have I done to you?
Snape dropped the note and immediately ran up to the Gryffindor dorm waking everyone up as he yelled for Harry. Severus entered into the bedroom area where Harry's bed was and saw that it was empty. Ron was sitting up at this point with a confused look on his face.
"What's wrong Professor?" Ron asked.
"Harry, have you seen Harry?" Severus said moving closer to Ron raising his voice.
"No, I haven't. What's wrong?" Ron asked concerned for his friend but Severus' face suddenly changed in realization.
"The lake!" Severus said with his eyes growing wide.
"Wait…" Ron yelled getting out of bed to follow Snape and hastily put his shoes on, not bothering to tie them so he could quickly leave the dorm and follow Severus.
Harry's thoughts focused on Severus, the man he had so deeply fallen in love with. He encouraged himself to walk further into the lake but his instincts for survival were fighting him. Now it had become a battle of his will power over his instincts.
I'm already half froze anyway, might as well finish it…
Harry took a few more steps forward until the water was just below his knees. Harry was losing color to his skin, becoming very pale.
Snape ran as fast as he could down to the lake with Ron a few paces behind trying his best to catch up to the Potions Master. Thoughts of Harry ran through Snape's mind. The first time they met, at the Quidditch matches, to when they had there first kiss. Severus could see it all clearly. Harry had stayed after class and waited until all of the students had left and then walked up to the Potions Master's side, who was sitting at his desk. Severus was wondering why Harry was lingering around and was just about to make a comment when Harry spoke.
"Sir..?" Harry began.
"What is it Pot…" Severus was suddenly cut off by Harry's soft warm lips meeting his. Harry's kiss was so gentle and innocent. Snape remembered how surprised he was, so taken by surprise that he didn't even return the oral embrace. Harry, not feeling the kiss returned from Severus, slowly pulled back realizing the incredible mistake he had just made and his face turned a deep red. Severus just sat there with a look of shock on his face. His eyes were wide with disbelief at what had just happened. Harry stepped back, turned, and then ran off.
"Wait Harry!" Severus yelled, but Harry kept running.
Now Severus' thoughts returned to the present. He ran as fast as he could down the trail, even though the snow was covering it up, Snape knew it well.
Harry looked onward across the shimmering black lake with a broken heart.Don't you understand at all Severus? Harry took another step forward. His instincts were still at battle with his will.
This is it. No turning back now…to late…
Severus' memories returned to the first time they had made love. Poor Harry tried to be so sensual but Snape had been rough with him, controlling him, but Harry went along none the less and then the next day Harry had laid a note on Snape's desk. Severus didn't read it until later that evening in the privacy of his chamber. The note said:
Meet me in your classroom at 11pm.
Severus had gone to meet Harry there. It was completely dark except for the moonlight shinning in through the windows illuminating the entire room in a soft pale glow. The outline of someone small stood at Snape's desk and he slowly moved closer to it. As Severus moved closer he saw that the figure wore spectacles and was wearing a black robe. As Snape approached from the side the figure turned to face him. Severus could see now that it was Harry as he stood there in front of him. They were both quiet for a moment.
"I don't have time for games Potter" Snape stated firmly. Harry just stared at him and then opened his robe revealing his smooth naked pale body, fully erected. Severus smiled and then Harry slid the robe off.
Harry remembered the first kiss he gave Severus and then walked further into the water. The water was up to his chest now and tears were trailing off of his cold pale blue cheeks. The lower half of Harry's body was going completely numb. Harry put his forearms up to his chest in a futile attempt to stay warm. His teeth were chattering and he was feeling tired. Harry had never felt so cold. Life was leaving him and he came to the sudden realization that this was his final moment.
Severus and Ron had reached the forest edge. The lake was just beyond the towering trees and Snape didn't waste time making his way through them. Ron was desperate to find out what was going on. He only knew that it had something to do with his best friend Harry and was determined to be there for him, no matter what.
Snape's thoughts reached to that fateful night when Harry walked in on him and Draco. Snape and Draco had their arms draped around each other.
Mouth pressed tight against mouth, tongues wrapped in intimacy. When they had finally finished Snape looked up to see the expression on Harry's face, one he will never forget. It was a combination of shock, hurt, and sadness. If there was ever a heart broken in an instance, it was Harry's.
Harry's thoughts stayed on Severus as his head slowly sank into the water.Breath it in. Harry told himself and he did. His body was to frozen to fight the natural instinct to get air. Body numb. Light fading. Heart burning.
Severus ran up to the shore looking out across the black waters that stretched before him. He didn't see Harry anywhere and he panicked. The wind was blowing the snow every which way and it was dark making it almost impossible to see.
"HARRY!" Severus yelled with such emotion that it scared Ron. It was the sound of apologies and love desperately calling out to a lost loved one. Ron began yelling for Harry as well.
"HARRY!" Severus cried out again in the same haunting tone. Ron shivered.
"I'm sorry…" Snape whimpered to the murky black waters.
Ron searched around the rocks for Harry and saw his tennis shoes next to a boulder.
"Professor!" Ron hollered with some excitement that he had found some of Harry's things. Snape came running over looking at what Ron had found.
Harry's spectacles were lying on the rock. His shoes and socks next to it on the ground with a light covering of snow. Snape could vaguely make out foot steps in the snow. He held his wand up saying, "Lumos!"
"Wonder why Harry would have gone and taken off his shoes and socks in this kind of weather, not to mention his spectacles, hard enough to see out here." Ron said.
"Harry…why…" Severus whimpered quietly as looked at the objects. Ron tried to make out what the Professor was saying but couldn't.
Severus's heart was racing in anxiety as he followed the trail of Harry's foot steps down to the shore. Ron stayed close behind Severus hoping they would come across Harry. Ron didn't have a clue what was going on, but he was very concerned for his best friend.
Harry had sunk to the bottom of the lake. His body was floating upright; his arms were raised above his head. His finger tips were exposed to the surface waters. A few bubbles of air escaped his mouth. The cold of the darkness enveloped Harry and he became motionless.
"Haaaarry!" Severus cried out with all of his might as he walked ankle deep into the chilly waters.
Ron stood at the shore looking out at the great lake before him. Why on earth would Harry have gone in there? Ron asked himself.
Snape held out his wand and tried to illuminate the waters before him. A few feet away he saw a red spot on the waters and moved further in, getting in waist deep before he finally got to it. He lifted it up out of the waters and held it up. Severus recognized it immediately as Harry's shirt and a feeling of apprehension rushed through Severus's body. He looked around even more anxious now to find Harry. Snape dropped the shirt back into the water and held up his wand turning his head in all directions searching for Harry.
"Blimey! Is that Harry's shirt Professor?" Ron yelled scared of what the answer might be. Snape didn't notice Ron's questions as he was hastily looking for Harry. It was hard to see anything. The sky was darkening and the snow kept falling in what seemed thicker and thicker snowflakes. Severus was beginning to feel very helpless.You're to late Severus, he's gone. No he can't be...he has to be here somewhere.
Ron was just about to suggest they go back to Hogwarts and search for Harry there when Snape suddenly shouted "LUMOS EXPANDOS!" and threw his wand high into the air over the black waters. Snape's wand began to glow brighter and brighter like a sun going super nova. Ron's eyes widened as he had never seen anything like this. Severus looked out across the waters as his wand sailed over them and there just a short distance from him was the tips of fingers floating just barely above the water. Snape's wand then exploded with a brilliant flash and glowing hot fragments were sent out in all directions like an exploding firework. Ron's eyes were blinded for a brief moment as he watched the whole thing.
"Harry!" Snape yelled and ran towards the pale blue fingers. Ron rubbed his eyes trying to see but all he saw was the brilliant light which seemed to have imprinted itself onto the back of Ron's eyes. After a moment he could somewhat see, his eyes found Professor Snape and began to follow him, though he didn't see any sign of Harry. As Severus got closer he began swimming as his footing was lost to the icy depths of the lake. Ron stopped when he was about chest deep thinking the Professor had gone mad. Snape had finally gotten to Harry's hands and he reached out grabbing them firmly and pulled with all of his strength at the boy who had become his friend, his lover, and fiancé. Harry was not the boy he was when he had first arrived at Hogwarts. Harry was seventeen now and had grown into a body of that age. Harry was heavy but Severus did not stop trying to pull Harry up. Snape struggled for a minute trying to swim pulling Harry but was realizing that this wasn't working to well. Severus then went underwater and grasped Harry by his waist and pulled him straight up.
"HARRY!" Ron cried out in shock.
Snape gasped for air but Harry was silent. Severus's body was becoming numb as the cold waters washed over him and he knew that he had to get Harry out of here as fast as he could or they were both done for.
"Ron, get Dumbledore!...Hurry!" Snape yelled through chattering teeth.
Ron began to swim back but he too was going numb and by the time he reached the shore he was half frozen. The wind swept bitterly through Ron's pajama's and he fell to his knees cuddling himself trying to get some kind of warmth. Get up Ron! Harry needs you! Ron told himself and he stumbled to his feet and began walking towards the forest.
Severus took Harry gently by his face and looked at his pale blue complexion and his heart felt like someone was taking a sledge hammer to it and shattered it into a million pieces. Snape laid Harry's head back pinching his nose, he breathed into his mouth. "C'mon Harry, I know you still have life in you!" Tears began to seep out of his eyes as he tried again to give the boy life.
Ron walked blindly through the forest. It was dark and snow was everywhere. His eyes were squinting trying to see through the blizzard that enveloped him. Ron pulled out his wand. "Lumos!" He chattered and the tip of his wand glowed brightly. So tired...must sleep...the cold...Harry... Just then Ron ran into what he supposed was a tree and dropped his wand, collapsing into the fetal position and began shivering uncontrollably. Two gigantic hands reached down and scooped Ron up.
"Harry...lake...drowning..." Ron muttered through his chattering teeth right before he passed out.
"Harry please wake up...please..." Severus pleaded with Harry but he was silent. Severus breathed deeper and harder into Harry's lungs trying desperately to get air into them. Harry's chest did not reciprocate. Snape knew that he had to get Harry to land to really make this work so he tried swimming again, this time with Harry on his back and his arms wrapped around Snape's neck, he held Harry's arms there with one hand while trying to swim towards shore. It was slow going. The wind, the waves, and the numbness were all going against him. Severus fought them with every ounce of strength he had left.
There was a hurried knock on Dumbledore's office doorand he looked up saying, "Enter". It was Professor McGonagall. She hurried in with a concerned look on her face. Dumbledore raised an eyebrow and stood up.
"There was a brilliant flash at the lake. Something like an explosion." She said excitedly. Dumbledore moved to his office window and looked out. Just then a green bolt shot up into the sky from the lake. McGonagall peered out as well to see it shooting up into the sky.
"One of our staff members is in need of assistance. Go see who it is and take Professor Snape with you." Dumbledore ordered.
"Professor Snape was last seen in the Gryffindor commons room just a short while ago…" Minerva began to explain but was interrupted by the Headmaster.
"In Gryffindor?" Dumbledore asked curiously.
"Yes, evidently he was looking for Harry Potter, who was no where to be found and left with Ron Weasley tailing behind him!" Minerva said.
"Looking for Harry Potter? Why would the head of Slytherin House be in the Gryffindor's dormitories searching for Harry Potter?" Dumbledore said looking off to the side. Suddenly Dumbledore looked up at Minerva.
"Let's get down to the lake!" The Headmaster said rushing out the door.
Severus reached the shallows of the shore and dragged Harry over the snow covered sands until they were up to the brush and he gently laid Harry's head down on the cold snow. Severus was shivering all over but he tried to ignore it. Severus bent Harry's neck upward and took a deep breath exhaling into Harry's lungs. Harry did not move. A numbing cold crept over Snape's body. He knew he had to some how get a fire going quickly or they both would be dead soon, if but he had his wand he could make a fire so big as to envelop the entire shore line, but with out his wand he was unable to start one, and where in Merlin's name was Ron?
Snape breathed deeply into Harry's lungs once again and this time his lungs reacted by violently ejecting fluids out of his mouth. Severus turned Harry on his side as more liquid was spewed out, when Harry stopped coughing Snape turned him over onto his back.
Air...precious air filling my lungs...who is it that has brought me out of the depths of my icy grave...Harry's eyelids struggled to open, and as they did he could make out the blur of a figure next to him.
Severus looked upon Harry's pale blue face. "Harry...I love you so much...I know what I did was wrong, please forgive me..." Severus said softly as tears slid down his cheeks, and he gently pressed against Harry's lips holding there a long moment and then laid his head on Harry's bare chest. Severus heard the weak thumping of Harry's heart but was content now to just die there with Harry. He was almost completely numb and his endurance had left him. Severus moved his right arm over Harry's belly and he held him as his tired eyes slowly shut, closing out the snow, the lake, and finally even Harry.
Hagrid traced Ron's footsteps as best as he could. They led right to the lake shore and in the distance he could see two bodies lying next to each other near the brush. He quickly ran over to them and saw that Professor Snape was resting on Harry.
"Professor!" Hagrid yelled loudly but the Professor did not stir. Hagrid laid Ron down next to Harry and then shook Snape's shoulder firmly trying to wake him and Severus slowly raised his head looking up at Hagrid.
"Hagrid?" Snape asked slowly unsure if he was alive or dead.
"Yes Professor, it's me, good ol' Hagrid." Hagrid said smiling. Snape's expression did not change.
"So c...c...cold Hagrid..." Snape managed to say. Hagrid stood up and looked around him. Everything was covered in snow and to get a good fire going he was going to have to use magic.
"Alright then!" Hagrid said pulling out his wand. He pointed his wand at a nearby tree and began chanting some strange words. The snow fell off of the tree and it began wilting up as if all of the moisture was being drawn out of it. After it had dried Hagrid yelled a single word and the whole tree became consumed with flame all at once. He dragged Ron and Harry closer to the tree and then Professor Snape.
Hagrid stood up and shot a red bolt up into the sky. A few moments later Dumbledore and McGonagall came running up asking questions and Hagrid answered as best he could, after all he had no idea what was going, only that everyone seemed to want to go for a swim in the freezing cold lake.