Title: Chaos theory

Rating: Comedy

Pairing / Characters: Yamamoto Genryuusai Shigekuni, Kira Izuru, Ichimaru Gin, Abarai Renji, Kuchiki Byakuya, Rikichi, Komamura, Hisagi, Hitsugaya Toushirou, Matsumoto Rangiku

Word Count: 615 words

Warnings: nothing. Really.

Summary: The stars predict trouble

A/N: I think I'm losing the plot, never mind my characters.

Chaos Theory, mathematical theory dealing with systems displaying unpredictable and seemingly random behaviour, even though the components of the system are governed by strictly deterministic laws.

© 1993-2003 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

The stars had predicted trouble.

No one, no soul, no captain, could have predicted just how troublesome things were going to turn out…

First division

Yamamoto reclined in the shade, idly watching the clouds floating in the clear blue of the sky, seemingly oblivious to his fukutaichou's nervous hovering. At last, he glared at the poor man and snapped 'what is it now?'

'Er… you have several reports to do, soutaichou, and a meeting with the eleventh division in an hour…'

Yamamoto lay back down. 'Tough. Let them wait.'

'Soutaichou – is that really wise? You remember what happened with Zaraki-taichou the last time you made him wait…'

Yamamoto grinned. 'Then you handle him. Tell him to go catch a fish or something.'

'Why don't you tell me yourself, old man?'

Yamamoto closed his eyes. 'Zaraki… go catch a fish or something.'

The old shinigami snickered when he heard both Zaraki and his fukutaichou spluttering incoherently.

Third division

'Er… Ichimaru-taichou?'

'Izuru. Hey.'

'Taichou… what on earth are you drinking?'

'Kyouraku's wine supply. It's very good, Izuru. You want some?'

'No, thank you, taichou. Er… Ise-fukutaichou was here, she wanted to know if you had seen Kyouraku-taichou's wine, apparently he's in a temper and is threatening to seduce her if she can't find the person responsible.'

Gin grinned. 'Well, if he wants to seduce someone so badly, tell him to come and see me.'

'T – taichou!'

Sixth division

The sound of very off key singing echoed down the hallways towards the seated officers offices where a divisional meeting was taking place.

Renji blanched when he heard the sound, a lone voice warbling out a terrible love song.

'Abarai-fukutaichou?' Rikichi asked worriedly. 'What on earth is that sound?'

Renji dropped his head into his hands. 'I think Kuchiki-taichou is drunk, Rikichi.'

The startled silence made Renji look up. 'What?'

'Who would be foolish enough to get him drunk?'

Renji winced. 'You see, I think it was me,' he admitted shamefacedly. 'I had to hide the sake Madarame snuck in this morning, so I poured it into my water jug before the meeting. I think he found it…'

'I would think you're right,' Rikichi told him promptly. 'You're going to be in awful trouble, Abarai-fukutaichou.'

'Don't sound so happy about it, Rikichi,' Renji said grumpily.

Seventh division

'Komamura-taichou! What on earth are you doing?'

'Grooming, Hisagi. Is there something wrong?'

'Taichou… you have a rake in your hand.'

'Well, yes, I was watching this advert on a television in the living world, and they recommended rakes to clean up your hounds.'

'Grounds, taichou! Grounds!'

'Are you telling me I misunderstood?'

'Yes, taichou, you definitely misunderstood!'

Tenth division

'Matsumoto, you had something to do with this, didn't you.'

Matsumoto beamed at him from her position on the roof. 'Of course not, taichou. I can't help what the stars predict! Speaking of which, you're saggitarius, right?'

Hitsugaya eyed his lieutenant warily. 'Matsumoto…'

'No seriously, it says you're going to receive a visit from a tall, handsome man with a wild streak, and you're also going to have a little accident, but it doesn't say what kind.'

A knock on the door made both of them look up.

Matsumoto batted her eyelashes. 'Hello, Kyouraku-taichou.'

Hitsugaya's eyebrow twitched, and he took a step forward to take the book from her hands – not noticing the glass on the floor at his feet which he promptly fell over, hitting his head on the table.

His howl echoed through the division.

'MATSUMOTO!'