Title: Mad Moon Rising
Pairings: Bianca/Maggie; Ryan/Kendall; Greenlee/Leo; undertones of David/Anna...
Characters: Bianca, Maggie, Frankie, Kendall, Greenlee, Ryan, Leo, David, Robin, Anna… and a nice sprinkling of surprises…
Notes: Inspired by the sheer genius that is Terry Pratchett, and his amazing and brilliant brain; bow to him, my friends, bow... Also inspired by some of my childhood opinions when it comes to the 'usual suspects' in some of the fairy tales my family read to me growing up...


Prologue

-

The Gods weren't mean-hearted, but they were entirely too human.

Bob—none of the Mortals called him Bob, of course not, that would be disrespectful, he was only the Great and All-Powerful Bob to the Mortals, as per ancient tradition—had a weakness, a weakness for hard liquor and pretty Mortal women, and when the two met, interesting things happened.

Where other Great and All-Powerful Gods would pull out the golden showers and the silver-plumed swan forms, he went the direct route— body shots. Bob meant Gwen, a wrench living on the edge of the Forbidden Forest—and why the forests could never be Inviting Forests, not even Bob understood—and the two later met up with said body shots.

And, as per ancient mythological tradition, Bob's transgressions led to something unexpected, just like everything the Gods did led to something unexpected.

Nine months after the body shots, the twins were born.

Identical, of course… but only on the outside.

-

It was a dark and stormy night.

That should have been Bianca Montgomery's first warning.

When she was awoken at midnight—it was always midnight, following ancient tradition passed on by the Gods of Irony—by the two drenched women on the front steps on her cottage, she should have done what her instincts told her to, tell them to go away and go back to bed and let them handle their own mess, since she was sick of cleaning up after them.

But, no, she gave in, and let them into the cottage.

Greenlee looked the worse for the wear, covered in mud from head to toe and trudging across Bianca's carefully cleaned floors in a way that made the younger woman grind her teeth, fingers itching to beat the tiny woman out of her home. She was saved by that fate by Kendall, not bothered by Bianca's cringe as she whipped off her black hat, scattering wet leaves and several feathers through the air to splatter against the walls.

"The broom's supposed to stay in the air, you two."

"Greenlee was driving," Kendall snarked, and then yelped when the petite woman in question fired an angry kick at her, leaving the curly-haired vixen to hop furiously, hissing under her breath. Scowling, swiping at the mud on her face, Greenlee snapped more innocently, "What Kendall here isn't telling you is that she crashed mine—"

"You told me to hang on!"

"Not there, you nitwit!" Greenlee shrieked, sounding not unlike a feline as she threw her hands up into the air, sending mud flying, bits of it landing on Bianca's stony face. "I can just see the conversation now, really! 'Leo, honey, we crashed my broom because Kendall goosed me when I was flying!'"

"I didn't goose you, it was an accident!"

Bianca closed her eyes, and desperately started to count.

"Oh, please, you're like some kind of… lust bunny!"

"It's dust bunny, shrimp!

Four… five… six…

"I know what it is, and it's a play on words, but you're too stupid to get the joke at your own expense!"

"I am not stupid!"

Eight… nine… "Ten, dammit, ten!" she shrieked, wanting nothing more than to get the two loons out of her home and back into bed, and only more infuriated when her sister and step-sister simply stood there and stared at her like she was insane, as if she was the one covered in leaves and mud and not them.

"Well, gee-golly-gosh, Binks, you get a trip from Uncle Fred"

"Must have," Greenlee agreed solemnly, and Kendall nodded, the two women now completely in sync again.

"Okay, you two, get out, I can't handle this right now—"

"No, we can't—"

"No, I can make you—"

Both women rushed at her, step-sister locking an arm around her waist and half-sister wrapping both arms around her neck, squeezing tight enough to make Bianca's eyes cross. "We need your help Binks!" she blurted, and Greenlee nodded furiously, patting the younger woman intensely on the back.

"I don't care—"

"Vanessa's lost it again," Greenlee blurted out, and Kendall rolled her eyes, reaching around her sister to swat the small woman, giving her a 'nice-way-to-break-the-news-tactless-midget' look that said tactless midget stuck her tongue out at. When Bianca just glared at them both, refusing to be thrown off her decision to get rid of them, Greenlee added more brightly, "You know, the usual… same crap, different day… she's got her evil plans for world domination and all that stuff—"

"I'm not involved—"

"We need your help, Binks," Kendall whispered urgently, grabbing her sister and flinging her down into her seat, quickly dropping herself and Greenlee on either side to keep the younger woman down where they could try to convince her by any means they might need to fall back on— bribing, threatening, pleading… the usual.

"Vanessa's lost it completely this time, okay? I mean, totally and completely batshit crazy and all that jazz—" Greenlee nodded furiously, urging Kendall on, seeing by Bianca's flat stare that she was not falling for it. "She turned Ryan into a monkey when he tried to help me, for Gods' sake!"

"I don't care, it's not my problem—"

"She went after Leo, Bianca, and she—" She paused, hesitated, picking up on the fact that she now had Bianca's complete and total concentration, brown eyes alight with a sudden worried sharpness. "What, did she hurt him?" she finally asked, and Greenlee shook her head, paused, and then shrugged helplessly, looking to Kendall to explain it to the ebony-haired young woman between them.

"We think he might have gone to a swamp to live out his days, Binks."

-

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