Summary: Kavanaugh is dead!! Yay! Happy day! But what caused It, you may ask? Dr. Biro is about to tell you.
A/N: Well I've been wanting to kill Kavanaugh ever since his wonderful appearance in 38 Minutes and I finally did!!
Disclaimer: (waving the right to SGA) I own it! I own it! I own it! (gets tackled by a rabid bunny who eats the right) Darn it! I don't own it.
Choked on a Goldfish
"Dr. Weir, please report to the infirmary." Called Dr. Beckett across the comm. Elizabeth sighed and dragged herself out of her very comfy chair that was so much fun to spin around. In fact that was what she'd been doing for the past 20 minutes; having a contest with Col. Sheppard and Dr. McKay to see who could run to the transporter first after spinning in their chairs for 5 minutes. Why'd Carson have to call and spoil it? She was sure Rodney was about to loose his lunch and John had run into a wall last time. Rather hard too.
"Be right there Carson." She replied standing up. The room spun and tilted crazily around her. She looked over at John and Rodney, swaying back and forth like drunks, and grinned "Race you to the infirmary?" She queried.
"You're on!" said Sheppard with an answering grin.
Rodney didn't bother answering but instead took off at a dead run, or at least as close to a run as any of them were gonna get.
"That's cheating!" Yelled Elizabeth as she took off after him looking like she was on a ship being tossed about in a hurricane. Behind her she heard a thump then the sound of someone hitting the floor followed by some rather impressive cursing. Apparently John had run into that wall again.
As Elizabeth and Rodney staggered into the infirmary several minutes, later they saw Beckett standing there trying to keep a straight, professional face but a smile kept trying to break through.
"You rang?" She asked trying to get her leader mask back on. Rather hard considering she was still seeing doubles.
Carson gave her a worried look "Are you alright lass?" He started towards her.
"Oh, uh, I'm fine."
"Yeah, just don't ask. Okay?" She gave him a pleading look.
"Oh hey, don't worry about me either Oh Great Master of Voodoo." Whined Rodney.
"Alright, then, I won't." Carson retorted cheekily.
Suddenly Rodney paled then just as quickly turned green "Oh god." He gasped "I'm gonna puke!"
Thankfully he managed to get it all in the garbage can that a nearby nurse managed to snag just in time.
John entered the infirmary just then rubbing his forehead. "That's really gross Rodney." He griped, and then turning to Elizabeth he said "I demand a redo."
She smirked at him "Not gonna happen. Now Carson, what did you need?"
Carson looked up "Hmm? Oh that! Well it seems Dr. Kavanaugh has met an untimely end."
Sheppard perked up and even Rodney pulled his head out of the trash can long enough to give the doctor a hopeful look.
Weir raised her eyebrows "Really?" She asked with cautious hope.
Beckett gave her a reassuring smile "Really, love."
Sheppard and Rodney looked at each other and gave matching smiles of relief and joy. Elizabeth was oh so tempted to join them but managed to refrain from doing so; just barely though.
"Oh, well that's too bad." She said. "Do you know how it happened?"
"Well, Dr. Biro is in doing the autopsy right now so she'll notify you when it's done." As soon as the words left his mouth Dr. Biro emerged from a back room and placed what looked like a fish bowl on one of the infirmary beds. She then noticed Carson at the other end of the infirmary, smiled and made her way over.
"Ahh Dr. Biro, done already then?" Cason asked.
"Yes well the cause of death was rather obvious once I cut him open." She said in that cheerily morbid way of hers.
"He choked on his ego?" offered John. Rodney sniggered from inside his trash can before chucking again.
"No, not his ego, a goldfish."
The statement, delivered so matter-of-factly had everyone with in hearing distance stopping and staring at her in disbelief.
"Are you serious!?" Asked Rodney.
"Of course I'm serious Dr. McKay." Replied Biro, sounding rather offended that he didn't take her word on it.
After a few more seconds of stunned silence the entire infirmary burst out laughing. Even Elizabeth lost the battle and was rolling on the ground in hysterics.
Sheppard suddenly sobered up with a startled and worried look on his face "Wait! Is the goldfish alright?"
"Oh he's just fine. He's over there on the bed." She pointed to the bed where she'd deposited the thing that looked like a fish bowl. Turns out that's exactly what it was.
"Well let's have a look at the little bugger." Said Carson. The group wandered over to the bed with the heroic goldfish.
"Aww," crooned John "He's so cute."
"Yeah he is." Agreed Rodney "Hey, can I name him!"
Sheppard smacked him upside the head "NO!"
"Fine," the scientist muttered grumpily.
Elizabeth squinted at the little golden fish swimming around in the bowl completely oblivious to the fact that the whole of Atlantis was now in its debt. "Isn't that Radek's new fish?" She asked.
Well speak of the devil! Here came Zelenka. "Carson have seen Kavanaugh? I asked him to feed my fish, Lizzy, several hours ago and now I cannot find him or my fish."
"Well your fish is here," said Carson "and Dr. Kavanaugh is in there." He pointed to the morgue.
Zelenka looked to where Carson's finger was pointing then back to the doctor with a deliriously happy smile creeping over his features "In the morgue? Really!?" At the affirmative shake of the head the Czech let out a whoop and hugged the nearest person who happened to be Sheppard. "That is wonderful news! How did it happen?"
"Your goldfish." Supplied Rodney.
"Yup," said Sheppard "You should be very proud."
Radek beamed "Oh I am Colonel!"
"Wait a minute." Interrupted Carson "What are we supposed to do with Kavanaugh?"
"Hmm, what?" asked Weir "Oh, well send him back to earth I guess. I don't want to deal with him."
"Sounds good." Agreed Beckett.
"Hey 'Lizabeth," called Sheppard "How 'bout a little part tonight? Be good for morale."
"A party does sound nice." Mused Elizabeth "Yeah sure. We'll invite the Athosians too." Turning to Radek she said "You're in charge of the booze. John, recruit your marines and set everything up. Rodney and Carson, you two get a list of popular treats and have the cooks whip up something. I'll inform the Athosians."
Everybody left the infirmary with a spring in their step and a smile on their face. And why not? It had been a great day.
Yay! I killed him. So in case you didn't know, the whole 'choked on a goldfish' thing was inspired by Robin Hood: Men in Tights. I love that movie. If you were even the tiniest bit amused by this how 'bout dropping me a line and maybe some snacks for that party? Oh and if you feel like it I'm sure Kav would appreciate some flowers.