Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto. If I did…. Bad things would probably come of it, if my writings are anything to judge from XD.
Summary: A 2nd Person stream of consciousness concerning Kakashi from the Yondaime Hokage's point of view.
Warning: one-sided kaka/yon implications: You've been warned, flaming about the pairing concept will go ignored. (because I already know it's OOC )
He sees you as beautiful. You know so. He told you so. He doesn't lie.
You've never seen yourself as beautiful, or even anything fairly close to it. You've been accused of being good looking, and you don't think you did a very convincing job of denying that, but beautiful was something wholly different.
At least you gather that he meant it that way, from how he said it.
He told you you were the sun. That's not the first time someone's said something like that to you, so you guess that maybe they're all right about it. But he said more than that. He called you the sun and the sky and life itself and everything that could possibly be precious on this earth he said he could see in your eyes.
That was about the time that you realized what it was he'd really meant when he said 'beautiful'. He can't really be blamed for not coming up with a better word for something so meaningful, he's still just a child after all.
You silently wished that he would stop, that he would just shut up, even though you'd never really heard him say more than two or three words strung together at a time before, and realize that if he's saying this much, that there was a reason for it. You were never very good at making wishes though, and he kept going. He told you you were beautiful and the sun and the sky and that you meant everything to him, and he confirmed that yes, he did understand how much everything really was, and he told you please don't pull away, don't let go just yet please, because he didn't think he could bear to go without you at the moment, or ever. You couldn't find it in your heart to pull away like you wanted to, and you couldn't really move anyway because he'd wrapped his arms so tightly around you that it was actually a little hard to breathe.
He told you you were the sun and the stars in the sky and the wind moving through the trees: free, fresh, and moving. He cried and told you he knew better but that he couldn't help it, and you know that it's got to be bad because he had more self control even then than you or any other man you ever knew could even dream of having. You silently wondered, even as he went on, how long his emotions had been bottling up to come spilling out so sloppily like that. It had to have been a long time, because you'd never seen him like this, and you'd never ever even been able to imagine him like he was at that moment.
He told you he loved you and asked if you really had to leave him and he cried even harder when you told him 'yes' and his arms crushed his body against yours so hard it ached and you blamed that ache on him but really you knew that it came from much deeper within yourself, not him. You wanted to tell him it's a childish crush, that he'll get over it, but he was so serious, so sincere, that you couldn't bear to say it.
You wished there were some way you could stay with him, because really, even if you didn't feel what he was feeling you did love him in some special way and knew that he was important to you too, and even if he wasn't everything to you, he sure was a lot and that's important. But alas, your wishes never really did come true, because apparently you just weren't very good at making them in the first place. You wrapped your arms around him and pulled him in even closer still until neither of you could breathe and you could feel your own tears pricking at your eyes, and told him you were sorry.
He told you he wanted to hate you for leaving him but that he couldn't because you were too beautiful and he loved you too much.
He told you if you were going to die, that he would die too. You told him it was your wish for him to live and he hid his face against your chest and told you how cruel you were for telling him that, but then he kissed your cheek lightly and told you that for you, he would live…
…he said that he would live, because he loved you so much he could die.
You felt dirty and wrong feeling his lips on your cheek, but moved too so you let him kiss you, and apologized once more, and gave him a kiss goodbye on his tear streaked face, and were glad that you'd never have to see him cry again. You realized, that even after all his preaching of how a ninja should never show his feelings, that he would be doing a lot of crying, for a long time.
You started to tell him why you were going, but he told you he understood, and apologized, and looked up into your eyes and you realized also that he could see your guilt there, and understood that it had been his words that had sparked that particular emotion. He let you go and told you he wished you would stay but understood that you couldn't and that he loved you and that he hoped he would get to see you again someday, but promised that he would wait, because you asked him to. You hugged him one last time and told him thank you and turned and walked away and this time he didn't try to stop you like he had the first time, and suddenly you could hear the screaming and the explosions and the violence all over again. You may not have felt the same as he had felt but you must have felt something because he'd been able to take all of that horror away from you for one last time and even though the encounter had been tense, it had been peaceful, and even though it had hurt in a strange way, you were able to walk away feeling more confident and sure of yourself than you ever had before in your life.
You walked away from him knowing you were loved by someone who would survive because he promised you he would and you trust his promise because you know you're the world to him because he told you so. You walked away feeling content and confident for the last time in your life.
You wished for him, as you turn your back to him, a full life, the courage to move on, the strength to make new friends, find new love. It was the last you thought of him after that. You had to think of the village then; the people you had to die to protect, the life of child you carried in your arms, the will of fire you'd inherited and now passed on to it.
You were the embodiment of life and love and everything precious in the world to him, and many others as well, even as you greeted death with a steady stare and open arms, so that he could live.
1. Wrote this as one steady stream of OMFG ITS ESCAPING MY BRAIN! In about a half hour. Experimenting with point of view, and a past-tense setting.
2. On the hints of Yon/Kaka… I don't know what's wrong with me but I really like the pairing. Probably because I love Yondaime Sama so much, and because I love to give Kakashi that extra drama/angst factor…. But to be honest, I KNOW this is such an OOC thing…and that anything actually happening between the pair is SO INFINATELY UNLIKELY…because honestly, they make it clear Yondaime-sama is the good and pure kind of man who would NOT initiate a relationship with a minor… So I kept things one-sided here. (and all of this is ASIDE from the notion that if indeed he is Naruto's father, as they're hinting more and more at …that would make Yondaime-sama decidedly straight…in order to make baby Naru-chan… lol)
But, alas, I can't help myself. The best I can do is keep writing all this crap out of my head until it stops coming. (because sooner or later, I'll run out of half-baked ideas and loose interest. XD)
3. Very Important! --This fic was loosely inspired by the story You're Not Right written by own Gelfling. Gelfling-san exercised the same type of 2nd person conscious flow of thought that I've modeled this drabble off of. If you haven't read that fic already, I HIGHLY SUGGEST reading it. It's a beautiful short story -- very gritty and intense in an emotional sort of way that has stayed with me since the first time I read it well over a year ago. Since then, I've read that story at least 8 times, probably more. Those serious in writing stand to learn a lot from it. My own personal attempt at this style does that story shame, but then again, I didn't want to replicate it directly either. I enjoyed the fic enough that I don't want to tarnish it by copying it directly. It entirely lacks the flowery-gross poetic romanticism I've applied her, and it makes it a much more real perspective. Go read. Now. It's in my favorites. You won't be sorry. (unless you're not into this pairing, whereupon you'll probably want to rip your eyes out after…but then, why the heck would you be reading this?! )
4. Good grief, my notes are almost as long as the entire drabble. How lame… Someday, I promise you, I'll learn to be less long-winded and more concise…!