Dear Zexion and... Ienzo,
If you're reading this, it means that I have fallen against Riku. These are my last words to you... Ienzo. Forgive me for calling you that, but this is easier for me to say if I believe that you still have at heart.
I loved you once... It had been like a brotherhood at first, but as you grew up, our relationship changed. Elaeus was almost twice your age when we first met... I was a man and you were still very much a boy. In Elaeus' mind it was wrong that I started growing feelings for you beyond friendly companionship. You were twelve, and Elaeus was twenty-two. Many would have called Elaeus a pedophile... maybe you would have too, I don't know and I suppose I never will.
It came as a surprise to Elaeus when you asked me to... love you, and I felt it was wrong to take you... at fourteen, I believed you weren't mature enough to understand the implications of your request... Elaeus turned you away, telling you to wait until you were older... We negotiated that at sixteen, you were old enough; if you still wanted Elaeus by then. You assured Elaeus that you would, and suely enough, on the eve of your sixteenth birthday you told me that you had waited long enough. You reminded Elaeus of my promise, and I can't deny that I had wanted it when you had first asked, but for your own safety I turned you down.
We made love, and we both profited, or at least Elaeus hoped so. You asked Elaeus twice more, and each time I refused you. You hadn't a chance to ask a third time, before darkness and confusion swallowed us up.
I felt an emptiness, a loss... I didn't love the empty shell that had once been my bright, beautiful Ienzo. It was not that I couldn't, I didn't love Zexion, only Ienzo. I search and fought hard for this Organization, you know that already, and by now I suppose you might even suspect my real purpose, which was to retrieve your heart, Ienzo's heart. My own mattered little to me, as long as I could return my ever-shining Ienzo to his former glory. My "selfless" actions are what earned me the title of Hero, though in my mind I did not deserve such a grace.
I worked hard to protect Zexion as well, to keep you safe until I had rescued your heart from the darkness... but that was years ago... When I still had hope... When I still had light. I volunteered to fight Riku because... I still wanted to protect you in some way, I suppose.
Zexion... give up our plot, leave Riku and escape Castle Oblivion. Tell the rest the truth of what is occuring here... Tell them of Vexen's death at the hands of Axel, under the orders of Marluxia. Seek out justice.
Live on, friend... don't let our death be in vain, because it will be for nothing if you perish. Ienzo, I miss you, mayhaps... I'll see you in the next life. I don't dare hope though...
Zexion looked at the tearstained page... He couldn't recall if it had been tearstained when he found it or if the tears were Ienzo's, because they couldn't possibly be his.
"Oh, Lexaeus. You always did have a way with words... but then again... so did Elaeus," Zexion crumpled the paper in his fist, and made to throw it away, but something stayed his hand and he stuck it in his pocket instead, "What is to become of this Organization, Lexaeus? What is to become of we Nobodies?" He could have sworn he felt strong arms wrap around him lovingly. His companion's voice echoed from the past... The voice of Elaeus...
"That is for you to decide, now... I can do no more."